I suck at dating, so I flock to youtube dating influencers when my crush asks me a question I don’t know how to reply. My crush started to flirt with me recently after a long time without talking. He asked me yesterday if I was seeing other people (I am not).
I’ve read that if you make it to obvious that you are 100% available, your crush won’t be as interested as if he knew that you have other options, so I told him that I’m seeing someone casually, and asked if he wanted me for himself. He replied that since I was seeing someone else, it makes no sense to flirt with me anymore. I was scared and immediately told him that “said person” wasn’t worth it, and I’m not seeing that person anymore.
He hasn’t replied ever since and has not seen my message despite the fact that before our awkward conversation he would reply within 1 hour maximum, I’m afraid he will ghost me. I was so disappointed by the end of the day that I sent him another message measuring that I’m not seeing that person any more and I enjoy talking to him. I’m so frustrated that I wasn’t honest and that I followed the advice from a stupid dating influencer (I’m actually not seeing anyone) and for that reason he might not be interested anymore. He has not read my messages since this morning. Any advice on what I should do? I’m not the type of person that goes after a guy, he actually messaged me first two days ago after I ghosted him 4 months ago.
3 comments
How old are you?
>I’ve read that if you make it to obvious that you are 100% available, your crush won’t be as interested as if he knew that you have other options, so I told him that I’m seeing someone casually, and asked if he wanted me for himself.
This is a definition of a manipulation and in healthy and mature individuals this is causing the opposite, to trump attraction.
>He hasn’t replied ever since and has not seen my message despite the fact that before our awkward conversation he would reply within 1 hour maximum, I’m afraid he will ghost me. I was so disappointed by the end of the day that I sent him another message measuring that I’m not seeing that person any more and I enjoy talking to him.
First, chill out and let him respond. I follow rule to ask a person couple of times to talk in some bigger time span, and if they ignore 2 to 3 of my advances, I give up on them.
Next thing is important if you get a chance to talk to him. TELL HIM THE TRUTH! Tell him that you like him and you want to go all well and panicked a bit once got a question, and that some stupid “dating influencer” was saying to answer like that and that and that you feel sorry that you didn’t tell the truth. From that moment ball is in his ground and he is up to make a decision whether he will trust you further not to manipulate or he will decide to stop this all together.
Next time, you learned a lesson. The point is to be true to yourself, not to lie to potential partner. It is okay to delay response sometimes, it is okay not to say everything, what is not okay is to lie.
For example, if you had something about yourself that is part of you, you should share that with your date, EVEN if he wouldn’t like that about you.
>Any advice on what I should do?
Probably just take the L here. You literally just sabotaged yourself with some BS fake drama so even if you come clean, he might be turned off that you lied.
Dear gods please just be honest and don’t try to veil your communication in hidden meanings and messages.
You crush asked you if you are seeing somebody else. That’s a straight up yes or no question, at best it’s complicated. You don’t need YouTube to answer this question, and if you do, then you are not emotionally prepared to be dating.
Just read that you ghosted him for 4 months.
Forget it and grow up.