TLDR; Been seeing a guy for the past 6 months and got together officially in the last 2 weeks. Friend found him on tinder last night and I don’t know if it’s too early in the relationship to be upset about it/ should be more willing to hear him out
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I (f20) have known (m25) for a bit longer than a year now and in the last 6 months things have gotten more serious between us and within the last two weeks we officially started dating. I was the one who pulled the straw of we either cut things off or start dating because he never wanted to fully commit. Yet, once I sat him down and explained how I felt, we decided to start an official relationship. Yet, today I get a message from a friend that she wanted to talk and she shows me his profile on tinder from last night. I asked him to be honest about it upfront and he lied continuously until I had laid the screenshot and the evidence out in front of him. He claims he was on it last night to delete it, and make sure he didn’t have tinder gold. I feel like I’m being dramatic and should let it slide, but also I feel really disrespected and like I can’t fully trust him. He’s treated me suspiciously in the past and I had hoped his behavior would clean up but now I have more reason to not trust him. Should I hear him out or end things while I’m ahead?
5 comments
I don’t understand how it could be too early not to trust someone who’s already been untrustworthy? Like why wait until you’re three years in with an apartment and a dog together to finally decide he’s “lost” the trust he never really earned to begin with.
Why would you push someone to be in a relationship who doesn’t want to be? It’s not worth being with someone who doesn’t truly want to be with you. That’s just a bad idea right upfront. Then you know he lied, so he’s worthless. You can’t trust a liar. Relationships don’t work without mutual trust and mutual trustworthiness. There’s nothing promising here, so why continue things with him? He doesn’t even want to be in a relationship with you.
If it takes 6 months before he’s willing to say (under duress) that you’re officially dating, he’s not that into you. Which was proven by the fact that he is still on Tinder. Leave this one at the curb.
End it. Its still soon in the relationship so better now than years down the line. The fact that he lied about it is a major red flag and he is not ready to be in a relationship – he agreed because he doesnt want to lose you. Too bad for him for not having his priorities straight and move on!
Your photo can still be on tinder well after you’ve shut off the app. I have seen friends from my home town while across the world (the app said they were in my area) … I confirmed with them over Facebook they were not on tinder for years, nor had they ever been to that area. Now if your friend MATCHED with him then that’s a different story.