There’s this girl whom I’ve been friends with for around a year. I’ll call her Alice for simplicity and privacy.
Alice clearly has a crush on me. I don’t completely understand why she seems likes me so much, but she doesn’t exactly hide the fact that she does. The other day at a party she walked over to me, sat down, and asked if she could “use my shoulder”, then basically fell asleep in my lap. Meanwhile, I’ve never even flirted with her, at least not intentionally. I suspect she’s misinterpreted the fact that I’m mostly a kind and caring person as flirting.
Problem is, I’m just not sure if I like her in that way. It feels weird to say this as a guy, but in a way, I’d rather just be friends with her. My gut feeling is that we’re not as compatible as she or the other people in our friend group think, at least in the long run. Very different senses of humor, interests, etc. And I feel guilty saying this, but she can be a little bit annoying and needy at times, and she’s just not really my type tbh. I like being friends with her, but she’s the sort of person who’s better in small doses (for me at least). There have been periods when I thought I started to develop feelings for her, but I only stayed interested for a day or two before returning to rather being friends.
I would just go on a couple of dates to see if it would work and proceed from there, but I get the vibe that she wants a long-term relationship, definitely not a casual hookup or anything short-term. I’m sure she’d be completely crushed if I said I’d rather just be friends if I decided it wasn’t going to work out.
To complicate matters, as far as I know, neither of us has been in a relationship before, and I really want to get experience with that sort of thing so I’m less awkward in the future. On top of that, the rest of the group seems to be pushing us together and is constantly asking if I like Alice, etc.
Any ideas about how I should approach this situation? Feel free to say whatever you want, I won’t be offended. I’m pretty open to anything.
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tl;dr: girl likes me, I have mixed feelings about girl, not sure what to do
3 comments
It’s evident you’re not as interested in her as you’d like to be to move forward beyond what you are now together (friends), and as you have identified, you want a relationship, just not one with her. After all, going into a relationship for the sake of it, rather than mutual attraction and connection with one another, is not healthy or what you want. You don’t necessarily have to tell her outright you’re not interested, but if she made other moves that are more forward, maybe even more physical or flirty, then that would be a potential opportunity to create some distance, or say that you’d rather be friends. You’re doing you and her favours. She’s then put on track to the person who wants to be with her, as are you.
Honestly, I get it. You probably don’t find this girl attractive inside or out and like you said, you don’t feel you’re compatible. Don’t feel guilty about admitting that she’s needy or a little annoying, that’s just how it is.
I don’t think getting in a relationship with her would be a good idea because as you’ve said, you’re not able to even force yourself to remain interested for more than two days max. She probably wants a long-term relationship, so what’s worse, agreeing and forcing yourself to fake interest until it all unravels or telling her outright when the time comes? Also, don’t even hookup with her, I don’t know her but in my experience as a straight man, this is gonna turn into an “I can change his mind” situation and you’ll end up as the asshole (even if you aren’t).
Best of luck.
You need to set a clear boundary. Imagine yourself in her shoes, if you made that many passes on someone and instead of yes/no they just go ‘eh’ every time. You aren’t interested in her, so say that