Hi,
I (22F) have been dating my avoidant personality bf (23M) for 2.5 years. We have had many ups and downs, we had several breaks (the last one 2-3 months ago, he broke up with me and came back 2 months later almost crying that he wanted me back). Things are pretty okay-ish the first weeks after we get back together after a big fight, but everything goes down spiriling afterwards. Recently I noticed he keeps finding excuses when I invite him over to my place, all we do is play games and watch shows via Discord every night. These days I was kind of sick and I asked him to come over to bring me some food (I live by myself) and some medication, but he found the most unrealistic excuse not to do it. Last night I told him I no longer feel loved by him and he completely changed the subject, and when I called him out that he didn’t even deny it he ironically replied “My denial wouldn’t change your mind”. Every time we broke up we just can’t stay away, we come back to each other back and forth, but I am so tired of feeling so alone and sad all the time and I just wish things either ended for good or got better…
Any thoughts?
4 comments
This relationship is obviously not working. It is not going to work. It’s time to release this relationship back into the sea and take your net to a new fishing hole.
When you have breaks, do you solve the issue that lead to the break?
If you break up again, you may owe it to yourself to go no-contact with him for at least 3+ months. That gives you time to get away from the relationship to reflect on what you want in a partner, and if he is up to those expectations. Breakups suck and come with sadness, and that’s because you did try and you do care about that relationship/person, and still, it didn’t work out. You need more than just love for a relationship to work out and it sucks to learn that the hard way. On a side note, when I was going through a rough breakup I started volunteering with seniors to just feel wanted/needed anywhere.
Sounds like a toxic/codependent relationship. You’re still in your early 20’s you have time to go out and look for someone who will actually put in the effort. Can you really see yourself building a whole life with this “man” when he can’t even give you the time of day?