Psychosis episode ruined relationship with Best Friend

28 comments

1. Didn’t tell him the symptoms. He may be under the impression that the whole shebang was your fully intentional and that you are just regretting it the next day. Gotta be clear that this was out of your control, and make yourself available to talk if he has any questions to ask about the behavior you displayed and seemed to forget. Good luck

2. How long have you been best friends for?

   You said summer pretty mean things. And unexpected things. That hurt him a lot. And he had to think about how to go forward here.

   You apologized already. And he wants spece to think. So you have to give him that space. As long as he needed to get passed this.

   Sounds like you really shouldn’t be drinking or smoking anymore.

3. Leave him alone. You destroyed the relationship. He is not at fault for cutting you out of his life.

4. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you but it’s best to cut out the drugs. As for your friend, I’ll tell you this: I know 100% for a fact that things will work out. But you do need to give him some space. And more importantly, you need to do some self-reflection. Psychosis doesn’t “just” happen. Yes, most of it a bunch of garbled nonsense, but there is often a deeper layer to it. Now don’t go too deep into it because… psychosis… there is no logic there. So don’t try to rationalise it. But rather, try to contemplate why you found yourself in this rather destabilising predicament. I would encourage you to see a therapist. Don’t worry, just stay away from the booze and the weed, you’ll be fine, dear, don’t sweat it. But do take this as an opportunity to get closer to yourself.

   Simply let your friend know that you deeply care for him and that he is always welcome again in your heart and that you understand if he wants some time right now.

   If you can allow him that time, honey, it’s gonna work out juuuuust fine. Do not even doubt it for a second. Take some you-time, dive into those deep recesses of your mind. Are there things about yourself that you are rejecting? If so, go on a treasure hunt! For those hidden parts of yourself are truly diamonds in the rough. Good luck and much love to you, my dear. Have faith, things will be okay!

5. All you can do is apologize, and learn a lesson about which substances and behaviors to avoid in the future.

   I wouldn’t hold out much hope on retaining the friendship. You can’t unscramble that egg.

6. I’m not in a place to give advice. But I also have hurt some relationships from UTI/Kidney Infection/Sepsis Psychotic/Hallucinatory episodes. It’s a terrifying, dangerous, and traumatic experience. Please take care of yourself.

7. It’s been less than a week since the incident, that’s not nearly enough time. I understand it’s hard, but for now you need to give him some space and let time heal his wounds. In the meantime, you should do some serious self-reflection (perhaps with a therapist) about how much of what you said was just psychosis-induced nonsense, and how much was coming from a real place inside you. Then, after enough time has passed (your mutual friends should be able to help you with the timing), you can give him a fuller explanation of what happened. At that point it’s up to him whether or not to forgive you, you don’t have any control over that.

8. I want to ask a hypothetical question. (That you obviously don’t have to answer) If this fight never happened, and your best friend came to you and proclaimed his romantic interest in you and said he wanted to date you, what would you have said?

9. I’d give him (and you) some space.

   Right now you’re panicky and mortified and probably not entirely recovered from your illness yet. All of those things are going to make it difficult for you to explain yourself clearly, and you’re both still reeling from a very scary experience. You need to recover *physically,* and he needs some time to process what happened. Hopefully that includes zooming out and looking at it in the context of your entire friendship and recognizing it as a deeply out-of-character moment – which would then prompt him to come to you with some questions about what you were experiencing in that moment. Questions you’ll be better able to answer if you’re healthy and rested and calm.

   I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you recover quickly and take good care of yourself. Right now, that’s what should be at the top of your priority list.

10. It’s not your fault that it happened, but unfortunately you are going to have to live with the repercussions. Apologizing is the right thing to do, but it’s not a get out of jail free card. Sometimes you can damage relationships so much that you can not rebuild from it, even if you inflicted that damage accidentally.

    The best thing you can do is to respect your friend’s need for space and to give them time to decide if they want to resume contact with you, or if they don’t want to move forward with this friendship.

11. regardless, it will likely never be the same again. In college I got drunk and flipped out on a friend unwarranted. I don’t blame it on a temporary “psychosis” I didn’t mean what I said, I was just angry about other stuff and took it out on him, but I own it. For context the “other stuff” was indirectly related to him, but it really wasn’t his fault and I knew that, but still flipped out on him.

    I apologized he accepted, but our friendship was never the same again, we eventually just faded into “acquaintances”. I ultimately think he accepted my apology just to not rock the boat in the friend group we had.

    Regardless, I would really avoid “blaming it on the alleged psychosis”. It sounds like you are trying to deflect responsibility. Something in reality fueled your outburst I can guarantee it, you might want to do some introspection on yourself.

12. Sounds more likely you just can’t handle your drink and have buried feelings for him then psychosis when you have never had it before.

    Just give him space you have done everything you can to apologize pushing for more will just push him away.

13. Dude get the science on your side and explain what you had fully and that other people have had this too and explain what the doctors said to you, and keep apologizing over time. Get doctors on your side if you need to. And obviously stay clean.

14. I’m just personally curious what would’ve happened had you not drank. Almost every strange behavior (I’ve witnessed or had myself) involved booze. Can’t say that about weed or infections.

15. I’m sorry that happened. That must feel so terrible and helpless.

    You need to give him space. He is traumatized by this too.

    You also need to take accountability. You used mood altering substances that caused you to treat someone you love horribly. You have to own that and take a deep look at your substance use and see if it’s causing more damage than it’s worth.

16. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

17. You shouldn’t describe that as an emotional breakdown. That’s not what it was, it was actual psychosis. Emotional breakdowns can be powerful too but that generally let’s out shall we say, real thoughts, though said in extreme ways. It sounds like you were taking on other things you heard or random opinions and expressing them as if it came from you – which it sounds like is not true, but you would have to convince him of that.

    I would let him know that it was more than just an emotional breakdown, you went to the ER and are getting some follow up treatment. Express that everything you said was not your own thoughts and you are deeply sorry about it, but that it would be best you both have some space, and you are going to be working on your health in the meantime.

    And then say you are open to answering questions when he’s ready, and maybe that you would like to explain better when you have had some time and know more yourself, if he is willing.

    And then yknow, focus on health and leave him alone for now. And if you’re not ready when he reaches out, that is okay too, you shouldn’t jump on a chance to men’s things when you yourself aren’t ready yet.

    I would also suggest apologizing/explaining in a similar way to other friends. That was probably quite shocking for them to see, and they are probably just as confused.

18. I think at this point, all you can do is apologise and let him be. Besides, you’re still recovering and I’m guessing a little ashamed.

    3 days is not a long time for friends to have no contact. I’d respect his boundaries while you focus on yourself.

    Pretty harsh life lesson, but at least you can learn from the behaviours and substances that put you and your friends in this position.

    And if you don’t know how to move forward from losing a friend due to your own behaviours (drug induced or not) then this is something that absolutely needs to be discussed with a professional.

19. I’m really sorry this happened to you. I think giving it a few days and reaching out again may help, and I do think it would be beneficial to explain that it was specifically a psychosis episode. Psychosis is much different than an emotional breakdown, and can lead to you saying or believing things different to what you normally would in the moment. Hallucinations and delusions aren’t just a breakdown, those are real psychological phenomena. I can get how he might feel that it’s like saying you were too drunk to mean a bunch of mean things you said, but psychosis doesn’t “remove the filter” like alcohol might.

    It’s still necessary to apologize for hurting him, even if you weren’t in control of yourself. He’s going to be experiencing real hurt even if he can get to the point where he believes you weren’t yourself. You can acknowledge the pain caused and be true to what happened. I think it’s also best if you avoid weed and drinks.

20. Tbh it does sound like you have very intense feelings for him. Even if you think you wouldn’t be interested in him romantically, you certainly sound very co-dependent and possessive and that’s probably what spilled out here. Just give him space and later ask to slowly rebalance your relationship

21. If this is a one off and you never do it again, I’d probably agree with the induced psychosis. If you find you begin to regularly deal with rejection, change of plans or criticism in this way, then I encourage you to reach out and get some help before you isolate yourself from your loved ones with this type of abusive behaviour.

    I don’t believe in internet diagnosis, friend, but this sounds a lot like how my mother handles unclear plans and rejection, and she has borderline personality disorder. (I’m not saying you have it, I wouldn’t suggest that, I’m just noticing parallels.)

    As for how you handle this with your friend — leave it for a week til everyone has cooled down, then if you like, reach out and profusely apologise. Perhaps write a letter, that way your friend can deal with it in their own time — but don’t be surprised if this friend either changes how they behave with you, or drops you altogether. Actions have consequences and some people are not willing to put up with being treated this way, even once.

22. My best friend went through something similar down to the UTI/marijuana psychosis psychotic episode. I agree with others saying you need to give yourself sometime to come to grips with this. Then reach out and more clearly and concisely explain.

    I had a psychotic episode, those are not things I think or believe. our friendship is really important to me. These are the medications, steps I’m taking to treat myself. Take all the time you need and please reach out to me with questions. I hope you’ll give me a chance to salvage our friendship.

23. Psychosis can be very difficult for people to understand. Give him some time/space, then explain to him the actual facts of what happened. Tell him the true diagnosis. Offer some material explaining what can happen in this type of situation.

    When a psychotic break happens, it’s not an emotional breakdown. Most of the time, your behaviour and thoughts are not how you feel or think at all. Your brain was in severe distress, it’s quite common in UTIs (very much known in the nursing home or supportive housing areas as it is more frequent/common in the elderly). People know to be very sweet and caring turn into a totally different person. Some bite, scratch, stab, kick, punch, etc.

    You are not to blame for what happened but, he may not be able to forgive it. Again, give him space then ask him to meet with you so that you can explain yourself properly. Make sure not to minimize the disgnosis and prepare yourself in case the discussion doesn’t go well. He may not be able to get over what happened, even if you explain everything but I hope your friendship is the type that can overcome it. 🙂 wishing you health and happiness!

24. I’d definitely ask to meet up in person & explain that it was psychosis, a medical episode, not you. Understand that he might be hurt by your words, embarrassed that his friends heard it & might think there’s some truth to it no matter how hard you try to say there wasn’t. It might take time to get passed this but I certainly hope he can understand that this was medical & not worth losing a best friend over. Good luck to you.

25. Time to get sober and go to therapy.

26. The stigma associated w/neural divergence (mental illness) makes it extremely hard for any of us to navigate. He doesn’t know what doesn’t know. And what you just went through was terrifying yourself. You had no idea why your mind and body were doing all this. Now you have an answer, but what the hell does that really mean, right? Do you know anyone who has experienced something like this? Maybe. Probably. But we’re trained not to talk about any ways our brains might behave atypically.

    Friend, I’m over fifty and just learned I’m bipolar 2. They say such things can be latent but when trauma happens in one’s life—watch out. We had 2020, followed by a year of extraordinary painful losses and family health emergencies, menopause hit, which is apparently incredibly destabilizing and confusing on its own.

    All this time, I could not figure out me. I now have a diagnosis. Treatment. The right meds. Weekly therapy.But I don’t advertise my diagnosis.

    Part of that is purely selfish: I do not have it in me to deal w/the incredible number of people who will have no way to understand nor maybe even accept what I’m telling them.

    What I’m saying: this is and will be hard for both of you. Please know I am not suggesting your story is like mine. That what is going on with me will I’ll be anything like your story. In fact, there is no reason to thing you will ever have to experience this again.

    I tell this story because I wish to communicate what many others have said: you and your friend just went through something very big. You did not do this and you cannot fix this. Give yourself grace. Treat it as you would if you broke a leg walking across the backyard after spending a lovely time smoking w/your friends.

    The shame we have with brain chemistry is heartbreaking and infuriating. If you would not feel shame breaking a bone or something similar, then I hope we’ll soon be on world where we can talk about such things with our loved ones. Our bestie.

    Don’t call. Don’t text. Heal. Enjoy yourself. He needs time. You do too.

    You’ve got this.

    saying that my story

    spring to surface full force

    nmental illness (preLike a dirty secret to hide. Not like a major autoimmune disease or chronic back pain. That’s easier (and perhaps Jess scary) than neural divergence of any kind

27. It’s understandable that you are upset about the situation with your best friend and that you want to try to repair the relationship. It’s important to remember that you can’t control his actions or how he responds to your efforts to make things right.

    In this situation, it might be helpful to give him some space and time to process what happened. It’s possible that he needs some time to cool off and think about things before he’s ready to talk. You could try reaching out to him in a few days to see if he’s open to talking or meeting in person. It might also be helpful to apologize in person, rather than just through text or over the phone.

    When you do talk to him, try to be understanding and listen to his perspective. He may have some valid concerns and feelings about what happened. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions and apologize for any hurtful things you may have said. It might also be helpful to explain what happened with the marijuana-induced psychosis and the kidney infection, and how those factors may have contributed to your behavior.

    Ultimately, whether or not your friend is willing to forgive you and move forward in the relationship is up to him. It’s important to respect his boundaries and give him the space he needs. It’s okay to try to repair the relationship, but it’s also important to respect his decision if he needs some time apart or decides that he doesn’t want to continue the friendship.

28. Do you have official paperwork with your diagnosis? Might go a long way into convincing him that mentally you were psychotic temporarily.

    I’d keep them conversation to a minimum with the exception of apologizing to him and everyone else (maybe lay off the drugs.)

    Offer to replace anything you damaged of your friends, if that happened.