What’s something you tell to scammers instead of hanging up?

26 comments

1. “Hi, my name is Ben Dover. Please go fuck yourself.”

   *Then* I hang up.

2. What!? You actually answer phone calls from unknown numbers?

   You haven’t learned those calls are the scammers?

3. I remember my grandfather pulling out an airhorn on one occasion, though it’s always amusing to waste their time by doing their job better than they can.

4. I told one i don’t need car insurance as I travel everywhere by helicopter.

   They still carried on for another 3 minutes

   Assume it was filling time for them and it was just on speaker in the office not annoying me

5. Who answers scam callers in 2022?

6. I gently interrupt their spiel and ask if I can just ask them something.

   “Tell me, human to human, do you really *like* what you’re doing? Because I would despise myself if I were you.”

7. I’d like to think my time is worth more than that

8. Ask them what they`re wearing.

9. That I’m currently pooping or on some psychedelic, received some good laughs and wonderfully awkward silence.

10. “Please put me on your do not call list.” Actually works… sometimes

11. I go along with the scam as long as possible to waste the maximum amount of their time

12. I either play along and give them an expired credit card number, or I tell them stupid jokes. Really just anything to make them angry. If it’s a woman I will sometimes try to flirt. I once got a girl to read me poetry, that is a high I have been chasing ever since

13. Once they tried to scam my business website. I told the person on the phone “Well appereantly you’re good at selling and persuading people- you can also use that talent for something good.” They we’re stammering after that and I honestly hope they did.

14. Please take me off your call list

15. I ask them to pray with me (I’m not religious in the slightest) and say the longest, most complex prayer possible. Sometimes I “speak in tongues.” My record is 10 minutes.

16. I don’t answer calls from unknown numbers (if it’s important and legit, they’ll leave a message), but sometimes I fuck with scam texters. Depends on what mood I’m in. Usually I just insta-block them, but if can be fun to let them think they have a fish on the hook and string them along a bit.

17. “You’ve reached Roger’s County abortion clinic. You rape em’ we scrape em”

18. My dad just fucks with them. He’s old and retired tho so he answers the phone for fun

    He first answers “yea this is Dr. ‘last name’ “and that gets some to hang up immediately.

    But he’ll just make up stuff for the other ones. Acting like he’s into it.

    I don’t have time for that bs but he thinks it’s hilarious

19. That’s really not important right now, do you have a few moments to discuss your immortal soul?

20. They can’t hang up till you say no or act offensively. So do telemarketer rodeo and ride for the 8 second bell. String them along and add in as many semi related non-sequiters as possible to keep them on the line with you and not bothering other people. Entertain your family or friends with this.

21. The phone number of people I don’t like.

22. String them along, and when they get to the part about buying crypto currency I ask how easily it can be traced to me. Since I’m in China and the government hasn’t exactly said “no” to my business yet, I can keep selling arms but at some point they’re going to want their due and I need to be able to reliably hide my earnings. They usually back out pretty quickly from that point.

23. I used to work with a Pakistani friend who liked to go off on them. So I would had my phone over to him

    One time they forgot to spoof their number, so I put my phone next to an air pump for the instrument and just kept calling the number until they blocked me. I think I called them roughly 70 times.

24. Go fuck your mother….then hang yourself….!

25. I counsell them.
    I remember 2 or 3 cases when they realised that they aren’t doing a good thing and they should left it.

26. Normally i pretend to have their lunch order or im their uber driver waiting for them. And the meter is now running.

    Other times i act like they are a phone tree and just start yelling shit like “customer service,” “billing department,” and “fucking phone tree wont shut up”