So I am in the bathroom not sure what to do. I think he’s asleep. We had sex and it’s not the first time he’s choked me or been somewhat more rough. And I like it.
But this time he slapped me a few times In the moment it was fine but afterward I cried. He was too busy showering and changing to notice…now I’m just in the bathroom confused…
I don’t even know what I’m asking for here I’m just confused
6 comments
You’re not confused. You know inside of yourself that you actually DON’T like the rough sex, the chocking, the slapping, none of it. You like passionate romanticism. But you’re afraid to communicate that to him because you think he’ll get upset or he’ll leave you or something like that…
Leave this dude bro. Life is too short for you to be in a relationship where you are convincing yourself you like it. I don’t care what he says, I care what you say. And you’re saying you don’t like it. LEAVE
You’re crying because you either don’t like it, or you don’t like the way it was handled. I’m not into rough sex or BDSM, but my understanding is that there should be aftercare. It doesn’t sound like there was, so in case you are into this, then he’s not fulfilling part of his role either because he’s unaware or because he doesn’t care.
Either he crossed a boundary you never expressed/knew existed or he’s intentionally hurting you. Maybe have a conversation in a safe place at a safe time and express to him that you like the choking (for some reason) but you absolutely do not want to be slapped during intimate time. Maybe make a safe word for if/when one of you crosses a boundary you don’t want crossed.
If the choking and slapping has happened without prior discussion and consent, it isn’t bdsm, it’s abuse. The choking is especially worrying because choking is the clearest sign that abuse will turn deadly. https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38
You need to leave, get somewhere safe, stay with family or friends, just get some distance between you and get out
i’ve actually had this happen to me before. he’s wrong for not providing aftercare, and he was ABSOLUTELY wrong for not checking with you before doing this. have a serious conversation with him about how this crossed a boundary for you, and if you receive any pushback or guilt tripping at all, it’s time to leave.