My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been dating for only about 8 months. At first we were extremely sexually attracted to each other and it was great and we were both enjoying having a great amount of sex. But lately I have been seeing him less and less (mainly because of it being almost Christmas and there is a lot of pressure from his work and events) and when I do see him maybe once or twice a week we will maybe have sex once…ONCE man. The fact I barely see him at all is bad enough, but on top of this when I do see him we barely have sex. This just isn’t fulfilling me at all. The sex is great if it does happen but I’m always left wanting more and am never satisfied.
I try to initiate it often in so many different ways but he seems almost uninterested unless he is the one initiating it. It really puts me on edge and makes me constantly wait on him for sex- makes it feel like a big power imbalance.
Its not like I have a crazy sex drive but it just feels like it’s gotten less and less frequent and I’m left masterbating way too much. I’m literally dating someone not even for that long and it just feels like I’m almost celibate.
Any advice please on how I bring this up with him?
Note: he does drink a lot and he is often tired – he parties way too much and even his work is very party and drinking oriented. im worried that this might be why his sex drive is so low ?
3 comments
It could be the drinking, it could be the stress from work, it could be both. Drinking in particular has enormous effects on a person.
Just try to talk about your sex and ask if everything is okay because you noticed that your sex life took a hit. Explain to him what you want in your relationship and see what his reactions are. Maybe he noticed it, too, and is unable to have that conversation with you.
But in general, 8 months is so early. It’s possible that his libido just doesn’t match up with yours. If you talk about it with him you’ll see his side of things.
Tell him straight – “Hey, we are not having much sex recently and it’s been bothering me.” Probably not those exact words, but still, bring it up directly. Let him be the one to think through what he’s doing and come up with solutions, you don’t have to speak for him.
Sorry to say you need a man that needs you. Sex should be mutual and fun