I’m going to start out by saying that I am extremely sexually frustrated, and have been for weeks. This is not the first time I have been left without sex or any kind of pleasure for weeks at a time either. I feel as though I am constantly sexually frustrated. My boyfriend (28M) and I (23F) have been together for a little over a year, and as of the last 6-7 months we’ve had issues with sex. The number one issue is that he doesn’t initiate enough and when I initiate he rejects my advances more than he welcomes them. We have sex once a week if that. In my advances I have done everything a guy could wish for, like waking him up with head (he loves head) and even just offering head to him at any point not expecting anything in return, just for him to say no. I will admit we have been fighting a lot within these past 6-7 months, but this has been a reason as to why. The other issue is that sometimes we will finally start to have sex and he will get soft on me, I’ve been very nice in asking him if I was the problem but he tells me I’m not and that I’m giving him anxiety sexually believing that I am the problem. At this point I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried speaking to him about this in many different ways and he claims that “this is an easy issue to fix” and that “this is the best problem for a guy to have, what guy doesn’t want more sex?” But that was 5 months ago and nothing has improved. It’s actually gotten worse 😥 does anyone have any advice for me at all in regards to this? Or maybe any opinions of what might be the issue? It’s driving me nuts and really making me feel insecure
4 comments
You should not internalize his lack of interest in sex as being something wrong with you; there are a multitude of other possible reasons why he might not be interested (meds, anxiety, mental health issues, etc). You should also not be pressuring him into having sex if he doesn’t want it; you have the option to masturbate as well.
That said, if you are not satisfied with this aspect of the relationship, sexual incompatibility is a completely justifiable reason to split up. If you spend any time reading on here, the number of cases where sexual incompatibility only increases is rampant. You could also consider asking him to open up the relationship, but I would recommend against that … open relationships generally only work when the base relationship is very strong, and yours clearly isn’t.
Going soft during sex and a decrease in interest in sex are both symptomatic of excessive masturbation and porn use. Talk to him about taking a tolerance break from porn and that should fix it 🙂
How much sex were you having before this current “6-7 month” rough spot?
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How is he health-wise?
Height, weight? …. exercise? smoke? drink? drugs? Meds?
The thing about him losing his erection during sex ….. sometimes that could start off as a physical health issue, but then turns in a mental thing as the 28-Y.O.-male-brain-psyche is having to deal with the fact his junk stopped working …. and then this creates more performance anxiety the next time around….negative feedback loop of sorts. Now you got two problems.
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I would also ask him if he’s been indulging in (way too much ) porn / masturbation. He might lie of course.
If you can, try not to take this to heart, hun 🙁 my fiancé isn’t interested in sex either, but every now and again he is enough for us to have it. Maybe your boyfriend would be open to compromise – mutual masturbation, fingering, oral, etc etc. that’s what’s gotten me through the month long dry spells in my own relationship lol.