Hello,

My girlfriend told me sleeps inside her gay best friend’s bed with him whenever she sleeps over at his house.

Before I knew this, I asked her jokingly if she’d date him if he was straight and she responded seriously and said “probably yes”.

My girlfriend told me that her and her gay best friend have kissed before (before I knew her).

I understand that the guy is gay, but she’s straight and said she would date him if he was straight. Doesn’t this mean she’s attracted to him on some level? She’s also said that he’s hot and attractive. I feel like if I kissed a lesbian friend before I knew my girlfriend and then slept in said friend’s bed, it wouldn’t be okay.

Any input?

Thanks!

31 comments

  1. Yeah kinda sketchy and disrespectful.

    Her comment about if she would date him, she didn’t say she would over you just that she would if you guys were not together right? If she would break up with you to date him walk.

    This is a situation where she should have been 99% honest. No reason for her to tell you she would date him.

  2. Your limits are your limits. If this crosses one then it’s an issue. All you can do is communicate with her.

  3. It’s up to you to decide what your boundaries are in a relationship and communicate that to your partner. If your partner doesn’t respect that boundary, then you’ll have to consider the merit of the relationship.

  4. if you don’t like it don’t put up with it, your boundaries are your boundaries and if she doesn’t respect them then she should find someone else

  5. I would have dumped her in less time than it took you to write that first sentence. If she doesn’t know that’s wrong, then she’s not ready for a serious romantic relationship, with you or anyone else.

  6. She likes to play around. If you cannot accept that childish behavior then you have the answer.
    You cannot make people to change, you can only change yourself.

  7. So she is okay with you sleeping in the same bed with your lesbian friend that you have feelings for?

    How do you know he’s not bi curious?

  8. Here’s input, could you ever imagine even jokingly telling her you’d date another woman?
    Let alone a woman you share a bed with routinely, if not and that would be incredibly disrespectful for you then you have your answer.

    I would have a SERIOUS conversation about this with her, and enforce some hard boundaries. If you want to continue the relationship

  12. Adults that have kissed before>>> Are attracted towards each other (or at least one of them clearly is) >>> sleep in the same bed.

    Heard of such stories a lot. OP listen to your gut.

  13. First of all, when she’s dating you why does she even have someone around that she kissed and is obviously attracted to?
    For me, that’s a red flag.
    Talk to her. If she doesn’t respect your feelings, dump her

  14. As others are saying, your boundaries are your own. But I will say that for most people, their partner sleeping in a bed with another person would be a deal breaker. Gay or not, same gender or not, sleeping in the same bed as someone else, unless circumstances dictate it, is intimate. One of them can sleep on the couch, or they can pick up an air mattress, or so many other solutions. When I had a female friend stay at my apartment, I went out that night to walmart, picked up an air mattress, and had it setup in the living room before she even arrived. It cost me like 50-75 dollars, and took not even 30 minutes to setup.

  16. I had a gay manager once, funny ass dude. Whenever he went to the clubs with the female coworkers he would make out with them while their boyfriends would watch, he was seriously gay but he did that for fun. I would think back to those bfs watching and wonder wtf, gay or not your’e still watching another man tongue fuck your girl.

  18. If this is crossing a boundary for you, you should let her know. Talk it out with her. How old do you know this friend of hers?

    > I feel like if I kissed a lesbian friend before I knew my girlfriend and then slept in said friend’s bed, it wouldn’t be okay.

    I have a feeling it wouldn’t be okay with her. I could be wrong though

  22. I’m a woman with a gay male best friend and would never do that with him. She’s crossing boundaries

  23. My input: you are right. If roles were reversed, you’d be the shitty person.
    For whatever reason, reddit likes to put it on all the men. Man fucks up, it’s the man’s fault. Woman fucks up, the man is clearly not simping hard enough. Even on slam dunk, “its the woman’s fault”-type situations, the reddit community tends to favor shit like, “have you tried seeing things from her perspective?

    Tbh, I don’t know why folks even try getting advice from here. You’re better off talking irl with your significant other your problems, or if you can’t, then some parents or the wiser of your friends.

  24. So, something similar happened to me though i was the one sleeping in bed with a friend. It was a nap actually and my boyfriend found out by calling me. He heard her voice and i was honest with him. To me she was just my best friend. We took a nap in my dorm. I wasn’t attracted to my friend but my bf felt it was weird and it made him uncomfortable. He broke up with me. I felt really bad because I really liked the guy a lot. I was well on my way to falling in love with him.

    Your situation is more challenging imho because your girlfriend expressed that she IS into her gay friend and would date him. More than that she kissed him. That seems disrespectful to your relationship and to you. How do you know he isn’t bi? This all seems odd and honestly the way she expressed that she would date him? That reads she would dump you for him.

    You have every right to set limits just like Jeremy set his with me. I wish I had known that ahead of time though. I could have fixed it. My point is, talk to her. Let her know your feelings and listen to what she has to say.

    Then decide what is right for you.

  25. Abort mission….then your gonna hear. We ended up having “sex “but he’s gay so it wasn’t really sex because..he’s not straight 👀. She’s wishing. Live your life and find someone who won’t sleep in another bed other then yours .

  26. Lol my Ex used to sleep over her gay friends house all the time. She ended up becoming obsessed with him. It was so odd. Like i said.. ex.

  27. Know how many gals have “gay” friends.

    Gonna go with her friend is bi. The fact that they kissed? C’mon.

  28. My gay excoworker has has this side chick for awhile. He says he’s gay, messes with a ton of girls. This one guy bought him a purse, (being nice to her gay friend while they were at the mall.) He then went into Spencers grabbed lube, made him pay for it, AND USED IT ON HER THAT NIGHT. Dudes savage.

    Moral of the story, never trust him to just be anything. Humans are complicated.

  29. And why does she sleep there?

    She shouldn’t be sleeping in anyone else’s bed if she’s in a relationship that she respects.

    If she doesn’t stop, then end the relationship.

  30. Gay men are repulsed by a woman in their bed. This man is not gay, he’s straight vs bi, and the woman you describe is not your gf, it’s his gf now.

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