How did you get over your fear of rejection from women, and was it an instant thing or a process?

25 comments

  1. Keep trying, keep getting rejected. In between you will have success. When you do have success you compare your successes with your failures. You will develop a pattern of what works best and what does not and on whom. Get rejected enough times and the fear goes away and it becomes just another cost of doing business

  2. By not taking it personally and realising closed mouths don’t get fed. When I was younger I’d look at girls in the club and literally spend all night thinking “make a move make a move” and never doing it because what if she said no. My friends meanwhile would try 10 times, get rejected x times shrug it off and within a minute they’re dancing with someone else, getting a phone number then onto the next. Whole night I’m fixated on one girl that in some cases, my friends end up getting.

    Most women will be cool in their rejection if you’re polite in your approach, then how you internalise that determines how you move on. You can “I’m so ugly, everyone saw and is laughing” and it ruin your night, or “meh, she could have a boyfriend, interested in someone, just got dumped, I’m not her type, which is fine…most girls aren’t my type either, everyone isn’t for everyone”, or a myriad of other reasons not worth analyzing. Before going in, accept there’s a high chance of failure and a lot of those reasons are beyond your control.

  3. It’s a process. And there’s really no way getting around rejection hurting pretty bad the first few times around. Eventually you learn to shrug it off and laugh along with the girl who’s telling you “No Thanks.”
    “I have a boyfriend.” “Ah! Well tell him some random dude you met thinks he’s a lucky guy, then!”
    “You’re not really my type…” “Ah, gotcha–thought I’d give it a shot, y’know? Have a good one!”

  4. Think back to the last time you talked to a woman and she turned you down.

    Wasn’t so bad right? Stings for a bit, then life goes on.

    Now think about the last time you chickened out. Bet you dwelled on that for weeks.

    Choose whether to regret taking the chance or regret not taking the chance. For me regretting not taking the chance is worse 10 times out of 10.

    I think the worst advice people give us to just do it until you’re immune to rejection. People who are immune to rejection have to have a big part of their hearts closed off to the people they’re talking to. So if she says yes, one of two things happen. You stay guarded and can’t meaningfully engage with the relationship – you have impostor syndrome because you’ve trained yourself to expect a barrage of no and something shifted. Alternatively, the dam breaks and you are way too open becoming almost instantly dependent. I’ve seen both of these.

    Just be normal.

  5. When I realized I’m the prize and we as men offer more to most women than they offer to us

  7. I have never had a fear of rejection. Mostly because 1- I realize I cannot please everyone and It’s not my duty to please them. As in, I’m not made for everyone and that is okay. 2- I don’t invest a lot of energy emotionally or physically for people that do not desire my presence.

  8. During my first year of university, there was a girl in the dorm next to ours that I had a crush on.

    My flatmate told me to go speak to her, but I was too shy. One night out, we saw her and my flatmate said “If you don’t speak to her, I will”.

    I couldn’t muster up the courage to, and backed away.

    He went and spoke to her, they went back to his room after and had sex.

    That night, I was so angry, I swore to myself that I would never hesitate to approach a woman again.

    The next week, I was in the student bar on campus, I saw a woman who was really beautiful.

    I decided to talk to her, my body was heavy, my chest felt empty and I was so scared, but I did it.

    She said no, but I didn’t feel bad, if anything I felt relief that I overcame this giant obstacle..

    Thereafter, on nights out I would go and talk to random women, I did so politely and when I was rejected the women were usually chill about it.

    I think its about getting over that first hurdle, and realising women are only human just like you.

  9. Each time I got rejected it became less and less fearful. I guess that’s a process but it was a short one. I don’t scare easy.

  10. After 1000s of rejections a skin thicker than a tanks hull develops over the soul so that shit just falls off. At the next rejection.

    No expectations = no dissapointments.

  11. Women like confidence in men. Like it or not, 9/10 times the ladies expect the man to do the initiating of contact. I accepted this along with the idea that out of billions of women, most would not be compatible with me or even remember I asked them out.

    I actually got a date once because of how I handled a rejection. Approached a lady out with her friends, said something nice and asked if I could buy her a drink. She politely declined and I made a joke about coming back “next time” when Amazon delivered me more charm. She gave me her number because that made her laugh.

    You just have to put yourself out there and accept the risk of a harsh rejection. The good news is that most women are nice enough to let you down easy if you’re polite.

  12. Hoenstly just embrace the fact that if she says no there is a good chance that it’s not just you. She might not be in the mood, might have a bf, might be a lesbian, whatever. You never know but once you realize that fact it helps a lot with depersonalizing rejection

  14. You literally sprint it by just randomly asking out women until the rejection doesn’t bother you anymore.

  16. I made them chase me, in a way.

    I refused to go after someone that wouldn’t make the first move because otherwise I would constantly feel a nagging suspicion that I was a charity date.

  17. Meh, this is the easy part. The hard part is getting over a long term relationship once you’ve had it all.

  18. No it was not but it did happen overtime. What really helped was getting out of grade school. Since I’d I got rejected then I wasn’t forced to see the person every day. But what also really helped was realizing that it isn’t the end of the world if they say no.

  19. Once you realize you offer more value than them, your appropriate reaction to any subsequent rejection becomes, “Cool, your loss.”

    This mindset kills off the fear because the fear stems from seeking a woman’s validation of accepting you. They need validation, not us.

  21. I got rejected by a woman I was REALLY into.

    After that, rejection by someone I didn’t know doesn’t even register, it’s just like, “Aiiight, enjoy your evening.”

  22. Heartbreak / frustration and trust-break builds your resilience and makes you see that these people are just people. Not something to be scared off

  23. What really helped me was not building it up so much in my mind. Ever see a cute girl and then you crush on her for hours or hell, even weeks trying to work up the courage to ask her out?

    During that crush period, you’re fantasizing about her and the relationship and building yourself up for a harder rejection.

    Make the move before that happens and it gets much easier.

  24. the only way to get past this fear is to go through it. it’s a part of life, you will get rejected, and sometimes it is merited, maybe you did come on too strong, maybe not enough. but if you never swing the bat, you’ll never get a hit.

    it helped me that i was a psych major so getting to understand my fellow man through my life experience opened me up but a lot of young guys they may never have read or known anyone they can discuss philosophy, psychology, or sociology with. they may not know how they feel or how to express it.

    learn about yourself first, learn your fears, your desires, and you’ll be better able to relate to another person. dating isn’t about checking off boxes in a quest, it’s about building a relationship.

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