Curious how others have learned to deal with the politics, gossiping, backstabbing that come with middle management.
I have always wanted to be a good boss and mentor, one that would take the time to get to know my team and to help them achieve their goals, solve their issues, in order to get them perform to their best, but have been burnt more than a few times over the last year doing exactly that.
Personally I know that I too have much to learn in terms of managing and motivation, but I’ve always, tried to be honest, fair and considerate when working with the team.
Can’t help but find myself giving less and less of a shit these days, the exact opposite of what I had wanted to be. I guess i’ve realized there will always be some that will undermine, back stab and talk shit no matter how genuine you are with them. What gives?
12 comments
Personally, I avoided the whole mess by quitting and leaving the country forever.
Hopefully you will, however, receive some more actionable advice 😀
I chose to work for companies that are populated by reasonable people, and avoid the others. There’s really no other answer.
Fight them with overwhelming unconditional love and generosity. ALWAYS be the better person, by miles!
Help them get promoted or even look for jobs elsewhere that they would love to go for. Help them get out of your way.
The only winning move in office politics is not to play. I do this by:
* Being a plain dealer, no subterfuge. For example, I’ll be up front about why something I’m asking someone to do will benefit my team.
* Not gossiping. Sometimes we have to talk about other people, but in so doing I’ll stick to facts and not judgements.
* Not being shy to claim or award credit, where it’s honestly deserved.
I don’t always achieve these ideals, but they serve me pretty well, and I’ve got a really good reputation as someone in the company that you want to work with and will deal with you fairly. Once you start gaining that reputation, the political assholes fuck with you even less, because they know that in a he-said/she-said situation I’m the more trustworthy one.
Middle management is uniquely hard and no one teaches you how to do it. A great resource I’ve attached myself to is https://www.manager-tools.com start with the essentials podcasts or the book. They lay a great foundation for you.
I’ve dealt with petty, dishonest peers. It rough. You can’t change them so you just have to decide if you want to deal with it. For me, it wasn’t the bad peer that ruined it, it was when I realized my boss – who I really respected – was buying into his nonsense. I decided to leave at that point.
If you are not caring, that’s a very bad sign. If that persists, you owe it to your employer, your employees, and most importantly yourself to make a change.
If you really want to be in management, then you need to change your approach or change your environment.
For what it’s worth, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying management isn’t for you. It takes tremendous courage and self awareness to admit that but ultimately people ( at least the people you want it from ) will respect you for it.
Good luck!
Personally I just always try to be a good, honest worker. If that upsets people then oh well. I left the last company I was at in part due to a particularly toxic person and a general change in politics. It’s much better where I am now. Now I’ll always leave if I find the culture gets too back-stabby. I don’t need that in my life.
The main thing for me is to not join in if it goes that way. Leave them to it, let them act like children, and I’ll look after my team and my work and make sure I stay positive. If the back stabbers don’t end up being held accountable for it then I will leave. Either way I went undermine my own values, so I can still sleep at night.
The truth is, you have to play ruthless, dirty games in order to rise through the ranks, all the while maintaining a facade of cordiality and confidence.
The days of mentorship in the corporate world are gone, except for special cases. I would advise against doing this unless you’re in a unique situation.
You need to form alliances with key managers in the company and recognize who’s strong, who’s weak, what people’s goals are, etc. Successful managers strategically align and work together when it benefits them, while always keeping in mind that they can be thrown under the bus at any point.
You want to minimize your exposure to those below you on the hierarchy while keeping an eye on them, build relationships with the right people at your level, and suck up to those above you (and quietly prepare for taking their job), assuming they’re not on their way out for whatever reason.
Unfortunately honesty really won’t help you in the corporate world, and this applies to much of life generally today. What you have to do is craft a tolerably realistic view of something that, while probably not honest or accurate, suits your needs, often at the expense of others.
So, that’s how things work. Eventually most people realize how the game works and decide not to play since it’s so dirty. Starting your own business with people you trust may work out better for you.
It’s the people under you who are giving you trouble or peers/higher ups?
>How do you deal with office politics
Easy – I don’t.
If there’s drama in the office, the losers who let it encapsulate their lives can sort it out.
I deal with it by choosing to remain an individual contributor. I have zero desire to get into management, mostly because of the politics. I am too blunt and too honest to be any good at it.
Homie don’t play that.
I do my best to avoid it by being friendly and only dealing in facts. I don’t gossip, I don’t care who is sleeping/dating who, I don’t care what Jen said to Sue at lunch. I deal with my department, my tasks, and that’s it. I do my best to form good relationships with C-levels which makes my life easier.
The only thing I am truly ruthless about is if someone attempts to throw me under the bus or stab me in the back. If you do that, I will fucking ruin your credibility with C-levels and make your job as miserable as possible.
Is your team undermining/backstabbing/gossiping, or your peers and supervisors?
Your team is easier to control. Deal with them fairly and honestly and be a great boss. Give credit for their successes and take responsibility for their failures. Mentor people, help them improve and help them out the door if they don’t perform or if they don’t mesh well with the team or the company (this is a euphemism for the bullshit you are experiencing).
Unfortunately with your middle management peers and supervisors there will always be an element of politics. You have to always be the bigger person, but you have to play this game.
If it’s too toxic look for another place of employment, but if it’s bearable you can try to improve it. Find people you trust who are also sick of the bullshit and talk to them about establishing new norms where gossip is shut down both publicly and privately and examples of undermining are called out and shut down. Get everything in writing (send followup emails after in person meetings; some folks like to face-to-face so there’s no paper trail). Try to get your supervisors to buy into this as a problem and point out specific examples, and get them to shut it down. If you have a good HR team they can often help.