I [20/F] and my bf [21/M] have been together since our freshmen year of college. We’re in our third year right now, and I love him so much and see myself marrying him. The only issue I have is he’s really close with his cousin [20/F]. They lived a street away growing up and would hang out all the time. They’re best friends and super close like siblings.
Anyway, since we became more serious (around the one year mark), I’ve always had issues with him giving her a bit too much attention. He’d invite her over when I’m staying at his apartment for a date night in (like watching a movie or gaming) despite me telling him I’d prefer to see only him. More recently he’s been busy going over to her apartment to hang out and I have to initiate our date nights and hang outs now else he’ll just see his cousin. I talked to him about it a few weeks back and he understood why I was upset and went back to trying to spend more time with me but it didn’t last long.
My biggest complaint is with this past weekend. I had a big violin recital and he didn’t show up. I’m minoring in performance arts and have to do one big recital each semester and this semester I was especially nervous since I picked a piece wayyy outside of my comfort zone. my bf didn’t show up to the concert, and afterwards I blew up his phone to find out his cousin cut her hand while trying to make dinner so he offered to take her to the urgent care. She was fine and it wasn’t deep enough for stitches or staples, but I’m just upset he wasn’t there for me. I understand if it were a real medical emergency but she didn’t even need stitches! she could’ve driven herself or got a friend or her roommate. I’m just upset since I worked so hard on my recital and he didn’t show up or even text me a heads up of why he wasn’t coming.
anyway, after that, I’ve been really frustrated with my bf. He told me I was being rude and selfish and not caring about his cousin’s medical emergency and I was telling him that I’m more mad about all the times he hasn’t been there for me and this is just the cherry on top. I just feel like he isn’t seeing my point of view at all and he keeps calling me selfish about his cousin cutting his hand (maybe I am being selfish with that), but my bigger issue is just the lack of time he spends with me.
TL;DR my bf spends a lot of time with his cousin to the point where i feel like I’m being ignored and this problem has become more apparent to me since he missed my concert to bring her to the urgent care for a minor hand injury
2 comments
I mean, he doesn’t sound all that great. Why be with someone who doesn’t prioritize you?
You’re 20. Part of dating at that age is to learn what you can and can’t tolerate from a partner in a relationship. Congratulations, you now know that you want a partner that is supportive of the things that are important to you and prioritizes your relationship as much as you do… Which is a lot easier to find than most people think.