If you want a healthy relationship where you’re on even footing, don’t try to “test” the other person. Allow them to show you how they feel naturally – don’t try to force their hand by engineering situations, even in subtle ways. Pulling shit like that makes it difficult for either of you to form trust, and you need trust for a relationship to work. Relationships aren’t games you can win, they are partnerships you chose to form presumably bc u genuinely like the other person and enjoy their company. It’s kind of alarming to see people promote a worldview that sees dating as some sort of competition, with all these assumptions and broad generalizations about what every potential partner wants…often gendered expectations but also just assumptions about how other people operate in general. People are unique, people are different. Nobody wants the same thing or thinks the same way. You aren’t a mind reader, and they aren’t either. Communicate, be honest, don’t make assumptions.
6 comments
Best advice I’ve seen in a while.
“People are different”
Brilliant. I’ll totally take your advice.
no shit
this.
people can’t love these days. that’s the problem.
as a woman i think there are some “tests” that are smart. nothing crazy, but just like – push back a little on one aspect of date planning (i.e. suggest a different neighborhood or time) to make sure he’s not going to flip out on you/be controlling. small things to vet someone’s character when you’re getting to know them, actions speak louder than words sort of things.
Don’t be a manipulative nutjob, got it.