(20F) virgin who feels like that ruins my chances when dating

I’m a virgin! Never been close enough…

I’ve only ever kissed people, and even with that, I don’t have too much experience. I think it’s partly because I was a late bloomer and haven’t felt ready, and also that I haven’t really gone out of my way to date/meet people (which also has to do with me not feeling ready + some self esteem issues, I guess). It’s not that I don’t want to do it, I do! I just haven’t met anyone I feel comfortable doing it with.

Because I am inexperienced, I want to take things slow. I want to start with making out sessions that slowly lead to other stuff and, eventually, to sex. But I feel like most people around my age have already experienced all of this by now. It feels like I won’t find anyone who’s willing to go at my pace. My friends have already done it and I feel behind. They had their first kisses back when we were like 15-16, and I remember mentioning that they ‘loved making out but were a little nervous to have sex’, so basically they had the problem I have now at 16. This makes me feel like if I bring up wanting to make out and take things slowly with someone I date would almost make them laugh at me. I could be overthinking, though.

People talk so much about sexual compatability and how they won’t go more than three dates without having sex to figure out if they’re compatible and I’m still here preparing to feel ready for my first time. I have no idea when I will feel ready for it, maybe I never will.

I totally understand why people value sex and sexual compatability, I probably would’ve said the same thing had I been experienced. But now that I’m not, I have a hard time seeing I would feel comfortable enough with someone to do it after only three dates. So it’s like, if there are people who are willing to have sex after only three dates, why would anyone rather wait for me?

I have talked to a couple of guys, and they start talking about sex/kinks so quickly so I get uncomfortable and when I express that I feel uncomfortable it’s like they think I’m boring and they lose interest in me. I think it’s a good thing when people are mature enough to talk about sex, I believe it becomes much better that way, but I also feel like there are expectations of me, so it’s difficult for me to state that I am inexperienced and would like to take things slow. How can I tell someone that the best way possible and not scare them away?

Deep down I know that the right one won’t care and all that but I just don’t know how to stop feeling so ashamed about it, so I guess my question is if there’s anything I can do to stop obsessing over this and for feeling ashamed of being a virgin?

If anyone has any advice for dating as a virgin, or perhaps even advice for losing my virginity, that would be very much appreciated.