So, just one thing I’m noticing about my friends is that… I’m the one that’ doing all of the running in most of them. It does annoy me sometimes. In general my friends are good friends. When we meet up, we have a good time. They say they love me, they say they care about me and that’s true. I can lean on them if I need to and they have my back. But, I notice that I’m the one texting, arranging stuff. It doesn’t bother me as much as I did. But sometimes I feel that if I didn’t text anyone no one would notice.
I am trying to do my own thing and fill my own cup as well. I realize that I’m a generally friendly person and so maybe my friends have just gotten used to me iniating everything. I want to say something but I don’t want to come across as needy.
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Thoughts?
4 comments
I think I’d continue to communicate with them in the usual avenues, but maybe trying reigning in the urge to organize hangouts. See if they pick up the proverbial mantle (again noting I don’t mean stop interacting with them; just stop planning things for a while). If anyone mentions anything, it’d be a great time to explain: “I would love to hang out, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and haven’t had the spoons to organize anything. If you guys want to plan something and let me know, I’ll do my best to make it!”
Alternatively: “Hey, guys – after some reflection, I realize it’s usually me who makes and organizes our plans. I just want to make sure you all knew you’re welcome to do that, too! I won’t get possessive of my role or feel like my toes were stepped on. In fact, I would greatly appreciate it!”
No offence.. But I think you are getting used.. I was in the same suituation too.. They always want me to do something.. Like When I finish my assignment they want me to help them and its okay to help with ideas but they want me to do their entire work( I was already so tired finishing my own and I should rest cause I pulled all nighter, Shouldn’t they think before asking?) Sometimes when I hesitate to do something, Requesting becomes Demanding/Compelling.. That’s when I stopped.
I stopped doing everything I did before.. You want to finish your assignment , Wake up go research and finish it.. or whatever You are by yourself .. You are a grown up and I cant spoon feed you every day..
Frienship or whatever the relationship may be.. Just because someone is nice you cant make them do all your works
Help the needy not the greedy
You’re the initiator. There are few initiators in this world. Most of the time, if I’m mot arranging something, we won’t meet up for like two weeks. My friends have actually told me “you always set up what we’re doing”. And have had them ask me “we doing anything this weekend?”
I find it to be a compliment because it tells me that they trust me enough to set up a good time.
Some people are leaders and others are followers. If you line to do it, keep making plans. If you don’t, then stop