I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s practically impossible for me to connect with other people. I’ve joined clubs at my college, gone to classes (salsa,etc.), trained martial arts, tried online meet-ups, tried talking to others in college classes. I realized that I had a lot of room to improve my social skills and I did.
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Through trial and error, I was able to make significant improvements and make leaps and bounds with my charisma compared to the reserved personality that I held before. I’ve become lighthearted, smile more, and I joke around a lot. Don’t have issues with confidence whatsoever. I’ve been able to have much more push-pull with other people in conversation and can carry conversations effortlessly now. I’ve become a fairly good conversationalist.
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Despite these improvements, my results remained the same. I still have no friends. For context, I don’t look alien. I don’t even think that looks matter that much, and that charisma is a far more valuable trait.
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The last straw was this past weekend that I spent with someone. We struck up conversation in class a little while back and started hanging out.
I invited him out and we happened to hang out for 6 hours or so, but I felt like I was carrying the conversation the whole time. It felt like I was carrying the burden of the effort through conversation. When that’s the case it’s usually because they’re disinterested.
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I don’t know why but I’m generally disliked. It seems like people are repelled by my presence. And I feel like I’m cursed. I’ve tried different things and get the same results no matter what and I’ve seriously contemplated ending my own life.
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I’m 24 and I’ve spent my entire life in isolation. I struggled making friends as a kid and it seems even harder now. And yet, I’ve observed other people make friends with less social skills seemingly effortlessly. I’ve changed, but my life hasn’t.
I know people will say that I shouldn’t seek validation and whatever…but I have been sheltered in childhood and become truly isolated as an adult. I don’t even have family.
The rope can only wear so thin. I’ve lost hope because I don’t see how things can possibly change in the future. Now I’ve gone full circle and I’m starting to feel bitter and blame others again. And I know it’s counterproductive but I can’t help but feel this way.
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I shared these details because I wanted to paint the picture and provide context. If you need more, feel free to ask me anything in the comments.
4 comments
Do you have a close friend or relative that you can ask? Because you describe a self that’s got a good thing going on: charisma, good conversation skills, light-hearted, funny, confident. So, if all that’s accurate you shouldn’t be having any social problems whatsoever. Yet the reaction you get is consistently the opposite.
Something in this picture is not adding up. Is there someone who knows you pretty well who could shed some light on this? Tell them you’re undertaking a journey of self improvement, and you could use some honest and constructive feedback.
What exactly are you expecting to gain in/from a friend? I think if you better defined that, you’d be able to understand whether a) your expectations are sound, b) whether you’re actually failing or not, and c) how to get what you need out of friendship.
Don’t give up.
Your interests may just be different from other people’s.
I also notice some people have a sort of magnetism that I don’t have. I can’t explain it. It is what it is. Over the years I met some people interested in the same things I am. They exist!
Sometimes it’s about the journey, not the destination. Oh yeah, I’m using that quote.
At least you’re acknowledging that you’ve changed for the better. Now imagine if you’ve done nothing? Never tried? You’d never have those “leaps” you’re reflecting on.
Keep going. But most importantly, take a break, and don’t be so hard on yourself considering the progress and attempts you’ve made.