So I’m a 34(M) from the UK.
I currently do not work and this is due to mental illness I’m unable to work.
It’s not an excuse; I just have pretty moderate to severe dysfunction so much so that I couldn’t just go back to work tomorrow.
I have things I like to do but I do find it hard to motivate myself to do things. One thing I am currently doing is I’m in therapy.
I also volunteer and I’m starting a podcast on raising awareness of mental health.
Be honest, would it bother you or would you judge or dump someone for not having a job? If there was a reason for it?
Is it red flag if you don’t work?
I’ve found a lot of woman do actually judge and I think it’s a bit harsh in a way. (Just my opinion).
For me, dating a woman with mental health wouldn’t bother me cos I understand it form lived experience.
I’m currently OLD and they always ask what I do for work and I find it a little intimidating and awkward.
I’m speaking to a girl and she’s just asked me this question. I told her I worked until the summer when the contract ended so I decided to take some time out for me.
I’ve had no response yet.
13 comments
Main question do u have money? Like do u have or make money in other ways?
I wouldn’t judge you, no. You clearly keep busy and do what you can to the best of your ability. You’re also trying to help yourself get well, which is commendable.
I’d be worried about money. Would I have to change my lifestyle, would I be paying for you etc. Love is great and all but money struggles can break up the most in love couples.
Don’t ask the women this. They’re going to say it doesn’t matter.
Ask men who don’t have jobs how dating is going vs when they had a job. Or ask men who currently have jobs who were once jobless how it compares.
When you’re trying to figure out how to catch more fish, you ask a fisherman what works. You don’t ask the fish.
I’m a guy… So I know you aren’t asking my perspective but just imo-
Totally notice a difference of dating experiences w guys who work/school/volunteer/sports/clubs/interests/etc.
More going on + what activities are positively looked on (ie dnd compared to a sport) are definitely considered by the ladies…
I wouldn’t want to go out with a woman who has mental health problems or if she didn’t have a job. Kind of like how companies don’t want to hire someone who has holes in their resume.
Dating is hard for average people and because you’re unemployed it’s going to be even harder. But you might find a woman willing to date you.
It really doesn’t sound like a good time for you to be dating.
I would judge just because I have a serious mental illness but I have no choice but to work.
I have BPD which is an extremely pervasive illness and I’ve tried to commit suicide 11 times in 10 years and yet can’t get any support whatsoever.
I wouldn’t date someone without a job.
How would they support your family? If motivation is really low, then how would they be reliable on days the motivation just wasn’t there?
I would stay with a partner if they got depression, but wouldn’t actively seek out a new partner with no job. It’s a lot of responsibility to take on for a stranger, when there are other men out there with a job.
Maybe you could focus on yourself and getting better. So you have more to bring to the table in a relationship.
Love is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills.
Woman here in a similar ish situation. I worry about other people’s opinions all the time, then berate myself for worrying about other people’s opinions. I’d say the people who would judge you for this are better out of your life. There are people out there who will value you for you.
I wouldn’t judge them (and in your case, the reason is understandable, plus you’re doing something about it), nor would I say it (being unemployed) is a red flag… but it’s something that would likely put me off considering a relationship with them.
Though how you put it “worked in the summer.. taking time for self” IMO sounds fine. I think it might work better if you explain that the nature of your job is contract/freelance based (if it’s true), so it’s normal for you to have time inbetween work where you get to take time for yourself. (Of course, if that’s not true, then don’t say that though.)
I wouldn’t judge; life is hard. Cost of living crisis, mental health crisis, COVID affected people’s employment. You do you. But I wouldn’t date someone without a job that wasn’t looking. Not sure how we would afford doing stuff and I’m not interested in just hanging out at home.
I would not judge you, but I also would not date a man who does not have a job.