I don’t want to be controlling and tell him what to do but I worry about his safety. It’s also a bit personal for me because my aunt was killed by a drunk driver. I don’t know about his driving skills while he’s drunk but he says he does it occasionally and knows his own limits.
I offered what I think is a healthy medium: he can drink and drive but he has to let me know if he’s planning on doing it, when he leaves for home and when he gets home so I know he’s safe.
Should I trust that he knows his own limits or should I tell him I’m not okay with him drinking and driving? Or is there another route this can go?
43 comments
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Wtf, you should never be okay with him drinking and driving
No, he needs to stop doing that
Please remind him that it is not only his life he is endangering. He is endangering everyone else on the road.
Grandparents, aunts, cousins, siblings, babies.
You worry about HIS safety even after your aunt was KILLED by a drunk driver? He can NOT drink and drive. If he does that, call the police at once!
No drunk driver has ever thought that they couldn’t handle it.
This is not controlling, this is a judgement call. Assuming that he is over the legal limit and plans it that way – Do you want to invest in someone who knowingly endangers himself and others, on top of breaking the law?
It’s all fun and games until he kills someone else’s aunt, daughter, etc who didn’t deserve to die because he wanted to be a dumbass.
It’s not controlling to expect him to care about his and other people’s safety.
I would legitimately break up with him over this. It shows a serious lack of maturity and respect… especially if he knows about your past experiences with this
There’s literally zero logical negotiation with this and I’m confused on why you’re feeling guilty about having hard boundaries with this.
Drunk driving is illegal and if that doesn’t matter it’s extremely dangerous to himself and everyone else on the road. He is quite literally risking his and everyone else’s life when he does this.
Whether he “lets you know” he’s drunk driving or not, it doesn’t change anything or save anyone from his recklessness. It’s not controlling to not condone reckless behaviors.
😣
The questions you get here sometimes, man.
“Dear Reddit, my house is on my fire, should I call emergency services?”
Tell him that he is an inconsiderate AH.
My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver. I have zero tolerance for those who do it.
You don’t even have to have a tragic drunk-driving backstory in order to know that what he’s doing is deeply wrong. It’s not controlling to draw a hard line against a literal crime. A drunk’s not gonna follow through on your requests, though? Like, if he cared about safety he wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. wtf
Ummmm… so if u love ur life and others then that shouldn’t be a question that needs to be asked.
There is no healthy medium. Don’t do it all wtf
Drinking and driving is absolutely unforgivable. So many daughters and sons have died needlessly because of pricks like your BF. If you have any self-respect you will leave him. I’ve lost so many people I know, one a young mother, because some asshole couldn’t call an Uber. Fuck your boyfriend.
Huh? Why would you even allow this.
yeah, no, I would dump someone who drinks and drives. That shows a carelessness in others, in his own safety, and in his future (both financially and legally and just– everything).
Nope, I’d be out the door. Do you REALLY want to feel like you are rubber stamping this behavior by saying ‘ok you can do it if you x’? How would you feel if he got in an accident that ended his life? How would you feel if he got in an accident that ended someone else’s life?
Sis are you stupid?
Drinking and driving is not okay. Literally why there is uber or Lyft
Of course and I would call the police on him and report him for drunk driving. Have his license suspended and given a ticket maybe even arrested. What the fuck is wrong with him. Is he trying to be an asshole or is that who he really is.
I wouldn’t even be friends with someone who did this, let alone in a relationship.
Not wanting your boyfriend to break the law and risk not only his life, but innocent people on the road is common sense, not controlling.
Your boyfriend doesn’t know his limits. No one who drives drunk does. He’s an idiot if he thinks this is a good idea.
If he doesn’t care about the safety of others or himself, does he understand the huge ramifications of a DUI conviction? Laws differ state to state but there’s problems you can’t even imagine, like you cannot visit Canada with a DUI on your record. In my state, there is mandatory jail time, loss of license, alcohol abuse education, fines, and mandatory community service. Your bf obviously doesn’t care so I hope he gets pulled over and gets the book thrown at him before he hurts or kills someone. I hope you move on from this relationship
Have him let you know before he drives home so you can report him to the police.
Grow a backbone and be upfront about it. This is an issue you can’t tip toe around. He could kill himself and others.
What he is doing is both illegal and dangerous to himself and everyone else on the road. If it were me I wouldn’t be able to date someone who did this.
The short answer is no. Do not mix drinking and driving.
However, people can have some alcohol in their system before they are considered too intoxicated to drive.
Without knowing how much he drinks, we really don’t know for sure if he’s irresponsible or not.
I wanna have harsh words with both of you.
You have to ask?
Why are you continuing to date someone who’s actively endangering other people and doesn’t care?? He’s a terrible person.
If you know someone is about to drive drunk, you arguably have an ethical obligation to try to get their keys away or call the police and give them the location/ plate number/ description of the car.
There is no healthy medium. If he drives after drinking, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone else.
“how do I stop my boyfriend from getting offended when I tell him that I don’t like him breaking the law and risking his life and other people’s lives”
Fixed it for you.
So it’s fine if he kills someone, as long as he gets your permission first?
I wouldn’t date someone who drove drunk, or considered that acceptable behavior. I wouldn’t be friends with them. I wouldn’t associate with them. The fact that you’re willing to overlook this should tell you something ugly and upsetting about yourself.
That is so incredibly fucking selfish. He will end up permanently hurting or killing innocent people. If he willingly does this he is an ASSHOLE!!!!! Dump him immediately and tell him why !
I lost brain cells reading the title. Not going to lose more reading the post.
You should be comfortable telling someone to not risk their life and or put innocent people in danger who have no control over his recklessness. Good day!
Dear God, please tell me this is a fake post
Here’s an idea: stop dating an alcoholic. A person with a healthy relationship with alcohol would not drink and drive
Hold on, so you are ok with compromising on drinking and driving? There no compromising you don’t drink and drive. There’s a difference between me beer then being drunk and driving. It’s no ok. It’s never ok. Why are you allowing this when you should be calling 911.
>I offered what I think is a healthy medium: he can drink and drive but he has to let me know if he’s planning on doing it, when he leaves for home and when he gets home so I know he’s safe.
Sorry about your aunt. When your boyfriend kills someone in accordance with this plan of yours, will you be telling their grieving family that you found a healthy medium?
DRUNK DRIVING IS ILLEGAL AND NOT DEBATABLE. THIS post makes me very upset actually
Please tell me this is a troll post, you can’t seriously be considering allowing your boyfriend to knowingly break the law and do something that puts not only himself at risk but literally everyone else around him.
If you know he has drank and is driving your first response shouldn’t be “Let me know when you’re back”. It should be to call the police.
His safety isn’t what’s important here, it’s everyone else on the road. Wtf is wrong with both of you
>I offered what I think is a healthy medium: he can drink and drive but he has to let me know if he’s planning on doing it, when he leaves for home and when he gets home so I know he’s safe.
No offense, but you are a fucking idiot and have zero self respect. Get yourself a brain.
I got to unfollow this sub, I loose brain cells.