the other day I was at Walgreen with my friend and they were saying it’s a “walk in clinic” but they require appointments. So I just said “It’s not walk in if you require appointments” and my friend looked at me weird and acted uncomfortable. I’m sitting there like did I say something wrong? It wasn’t even rude I think it was just straight-forward. Sometimes when I state things that are true and honest, people act like I’m being rude. It makes no sense to me. If I wanted to be rude, I could really be rude. But I’m not. I just hate when people try to wrap everything nicely and act timid and shy when we can just get straight to the point. Another time I was in line at the bank and the teller took somebody even though I was before them. so I said excuse me I was here before him. Like absolutely no malice behind it, just matter of fact. And people kind of glanced at me and the guy looked huffy. But it was the truth. Like what’s the point of the line if it’s not to go in that order ? It’s like because I’m a woman people want me to be submissive and sweet and just let things slide but I’m so over that. My parents always taught me to be “lady-like” and stop saying the first thing that comes to mind because it will turn people off. I was like ok so? I hate when something is so obvious in the atmosphere and people just won’t acknowledge it. I hate when people shove things under the rug. I hate when people ignore the elephant in the room. I know we have to run as a society and this requires politeness. But some of these people just wear social masks and they’re absolute assh\*les on the inside just following the status quo. At least I say it how it is but I know I have a kind and compassionate heart inside. Sometimes it shocks me how nice people are but then when they let you get close to them you start noticing how they’re kind of mean and they don’t really care about people and they say really mean things behind their back. I’m not like that. I don’t have anything to hide if I have a problem I’ll just talk it out with you. I don’t have a reputation to keep up lol it is what it is.
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Look, there’s a lot bound up together here, more than can be really covered in a quick post. You’re not wrong that there are often unfair pressures on people, and even more so women, to let things slide for the sake of ‘politeness’ that shouldn’t be allowed to slide. At the same time, that’s not an excuse for you to let your every thought and emotion fly and demand that people cannot be hurt about it because you’re just ‘being straight.’
Let’s take this statement – “I say it how it is but I know I have a kind and compassionate heart inside.” Great that you know it. How does anyone else know it? Why, through your actions. If your actions are not kind and compassionate, it doesn’t matter what you have inside. People aren’t equipped with x-ray eyes. All they know is how you act. Acting kind and then talking badly behind people’s backs is bad, we all agree. You know what would be even worse? Acting kind and then acting like as repayment for that unheard-of generosity, we deserve to treat other people however we want to their faces. See the current Twitter meltdown for example.
You corrected your friend about the ‘walk-in’ thing. This may be a true thing to say (personally, I would dispute), but even if 100% true, is it a useful thing to say in that moment? How would you life improve if they made the same distinction in their mind as you do in yours about how to categorize that clinic? And if it’s not a useful thing to say, then what other purpose is it serving? From the outside, it sure looks like (not saying is, but looks like) the purpose is for you to feel holier-than-thou, putting yourself above your friend. In their place, I would feel uncomfortable too. If they believed, like you, in ‘being straight’ above everything, they would’ve called you out. The whole outing would’ve devolved into an ugly fight, and possibly, broken friendship. They kept the peace; you benefit from the norms you despise.
The thing about standing in line, yeah, that’s not fair. Like I said, you’re not wrong. It’s just that there’s ‘being straight with people’ and then there’s ‘being ‘straight’ with people as an excuse to get back at them for every failing, real and imaginary,’ and from your post, you don’t seem clear on the difference.
You’re frustrated, I get it. Social norms are dizzy-making. Some deserve to be broken. Still, it takes more than a blunt instrument to break them. For example, you say, “I hate when something is so obvious in the atmosphere and people just won’t acknowledge it.” There are usually reasons they won’t. You don’t agree with their reasons, but that’s not the same as them not having any. From their viewpoint, it’s so obvious why it’s better to stay quiet and they don’t understand why you won’t just acknowledge it. So now what? You’re at an impasse. I can’t give you a quick answer on how to break it – that’s a project that takes people years and much experience – but I can tell you that doing the same thing you’re doing right now is not it. In my understanding, it mainly involves recognizing that being correct is not the same as being right, and certainly not the same as doing anything useful to change what’s wrong. To get there, exercise that compassion for people – people as they are, imperfect, set in bad patterns, and so on, but still people who are doing the best they can, the same as you are.