I went on a date last night and everything clicked. We had very similar personalities and even planned a second date. She was ready to go home, so I walked her to her car, gave her a hug, and at which point she asked “so, you gonna get my number?” We exchanged numbers. I texted her a bit this morning and we exchanged some laughs. I want to keep the convo going, but don’t want to come off as too clingy or overbearing. Where’s that fine line?
23 comments
My personal opinion as someone who isn’t as big of a texter and as someone who often finds people overbearing via text in the initial stages:
I like when people ask questions that make sense for the conversation & aren’t out of left field, and also when people allow a conversation to end (if I text a smiley face or a lol, that’s a nice bookend for the convo for a while!) and don’t try and drag it out for the entire day texting 5x an hour.
Out of left field is when people ask either way-too heavy or really random questions and it just feels like an interview or like they’re trying to force things.
Granted, everyone’s different! So the right answer might just be to do what feels right and let the wrong matches see themselves out rather than trying to hold yourself to a cadence that feels super slow.
Definitely is a fine line. Don’t waste all the
Second date topics and cover too much getting to know you stuff over the phone. How exciting 🙂 hope next time is just as good
In the early stages, I tend to mimic the woman’s frequency and tone. Time permitting, anyway. I’m usually not able to text during the work day, though, so I make that known and set expectations for my responsiveness.
I’ll usually initiate another convo if something comes up that reminds me of something we talked about, or if it’s related to planning the next date. After that, I’ll let her dictate the back and forth.
If we’re in a conversation flow and bantering, I’m down for it. However, forcing convos and texting paragraphs tires me out. If you’re in the swing of of things, I’d keep going. But just talking without much energy behind it, like asking “what are you doing” or “how are you” a hundred times— pass.
I err on the side of conversing less over text. If they wanted to chat to me, I’d take a phone call. If not, then text to make plans first and foremost rather than dragging out texts over the day for just a conversation. I am a woman though so I don’t want someone texting me for the sake of texting me. Quality over quantity in the early days.
__However__ I am aware that I may be an outlier in this this regard. So go with what’s comfortable for you and what she seems receptive to. The other comments have some very legitimate advice to consider as well 🙂
Fuck dude.
Maybe you shouldn’t be dating you caught a but don’t know what to do now?
Just set up another date and avoid over-texting. Leave it a day then text her (3 days after the date) and ask her out.
I always encourage people to be themselves over text early because there is such a thing as texting compatibility and it’s better to know early whether you guys align there or not. Also, it’s a good barometer for interest and matching interest. If it flows naturally, that’s good. Don’t overthink it.
I’m gonna be the outlier here and say do what makes you feel right. If frequent texting is what you like, I would do that and if she doesn’t match it, I would say you guys aren’t compatible and you should move on.
Its best to be with someone that matches your communication style otherwise there could be problems down the road.
Just be yourself. I hate when people have rules about not texting for X amount of days or how frequently to respond…all that does (in my personal opinion) is make the other person wonder if you actually like them. If you go into it being genuine and the conversation doesn’t feel forced, that’s great. This is just my opinion, but I like frequent texting early on. I don’t shy away or follow any “rules” about texting etiquette. If the person is on my mind, I talk to them. If I have nothing to say or if I’m busy, I don’t talk to them. It’s pretty simple. Try not to overthink it. As long as you’re being respectful and being yourself, nothing else matters. And if your communication style isn’t for her and it doesn’t work out, that’s unfortunate, but it gets you one step closer to finding the right person.
I would keep it to a minimum. Enough to let her know you’re interested but keep the good stuff for the dates
Honestly, just text her to set up the next date. And then chat on the phone in-between 🙂
Go with the flow. Just don’t double text and you have no worries.
I wouldn’t recommend trying to have conversations over text. I’d just use it to arrange/coordinate dates. Bits of banter or memes here and there is okay too, but don’t overdo it.
Create some space and distance for her to wonder about you, and to build up desire and mystery. You don’t want to come off as the guy who is too available or needy. That will kill the vibe real fast. There isn’t much to be gained by texting, but there’s a lot that can be lost.
That’s my two cents anyways.
For the early stages of a relationship use texting as a means of organizing the next time you are going to meet with them. If you want to have a real conversation, call or schedule a call. You would be surprised how much of a difference a call can make in someone’s day.
I called my now wife every day after our second date to chit chat. It became a nightly routine for us.
Attraction grows from space. Don’t talk your way out of attraction. You need things to talk about on the second date. Won’t have much if you’re texting
It’s so important to do whatever feels right to you and is authentic.
As someone has mentioned texting compatibility is a thing.
For me, I love texting and I love texting a lot! Though I can be fine if it’s not a lot, but I need to hear from someone a few times a day or I lose interest. You cannot text me too much, only if I’m not really into you lol.
But I hate getting those ‘what are you doing’ texts.. I love something with substance or getting pictures of what they are doing etc.
But some people dislike texting and only view it as something to do when you plan the next date.
So feel into what’s your style and also what’s hers and do whatever feels natural
I’ve been dating men that disliked texting and I wouldn’t really hear from them and it made me so sad and realized I needed that. So please be yourself that’s the most important thing.
If a guy kept trying to make conversation with me but didn’t ask for another date, I’d assume he was trying to put me on the backburner.
I would just ask for a second date.
Imo one should never plan a second date while on the 1st date. Because this is needy and shows you have no options. Also no getting to know or joking around via texting. In my view you’re still not friends with the person and you’re still evaluating them as well. Leave that for when you’re together.
It’s a good way to gauge the level of attraction this person has on you. If you can make definite dates with somebody without all the unnecessary texting in between, and they show up, it means they have a high level of attraction for you.
If you feel like you need to keep texting and entertaining somebody to keep them hooked in until the second date, it shows you’re needy and you don’t have many options going on (scarcity mindset)
After the first date give yourself a couple of days to think about and reflect how the date went and if the vibe is right. If you decide you want to see them again, shoot a text to this person asking for a second date. In two or three messages set up a definite time and place to meet. Say you’ll meet the person there at that time and don’t text them until the day.
I’ve had tremendous success with this approach and it filters out the people who are wishy-washy and don’t have high level of attraction towards you.
Good luck
Stick to talking about when you’re going to hang out next and making plans you’ll have conversations face-to-face and no mean more texting sucks try picking up the phone and calling her texting sucks
Aw this is cute – so happy about this
Same but after date 1 i text her and she didnt ansewer me for 3 days now its strange cus she ansewered me less than 3 hours. I want to call her but i feel its not a good idea.
Maybe shes studying because our exams are close. Idk
Flip the script and the man goes to prison for sexual assult