I have seen my ex after 5 years and i feel horribly about it.

BEFORE READING: this is not my personal story. A friend of mine asked to make this post with my account, since she does not want to make one only for this post an then never use it again. Also, i dont know if this is the correct subreddit to post such a story, so if it isnt, please suggest me a more correct one 🙂

Last week i was out with my friends, we had a pizza and after that we moved in this bar to grab a drink. While driving back home, i stopped at a gas station because i had to refuel the car; just after getting out of the car, i saw him, in front of me, refueling his car. At first i thought he was someone who looked like him; he lives 40km far from my city, and he never comes in my area. But it was definitely him. Our relationship lasted one and a half year. At that time i was a 17 years old, i was very immature, i didnt know what i needed, what i wanted, and then i made bullshit over bullshit. I unconsciously made EVERYTHING to push him away. And the funny thing is that the one who ended the relationship was me, and i did that to date another guy. I tried keeping a friendly relationship, but he refused and told me he would have completely erased me from his life, and that i must not text him ever again. I thought he was saying such things because he was frustrated, but after trying many other times, i understood he was serious. He blocked me and my friends on every social and i do not have a single way to know how he his and what he’s doing. Last time i heard him was 5 years ago, when he made clear that he didnt wanna see me anymore. After that, he disappeared. Until last friday. When i saw him, i couldnt believe my eyes. I greeted him, but he ignored me. He just looked at me for a few instants, then refuelled the car and went away. I did the same thing, but while driving, i had to stop the car because i bursted out in tears. When we were together, he had short hair, and he always repeated me that he wanted to make them grow. They grow a lot, he has lost a lot of weight, and even a better outfits than he used to have. He also had a way better car than the junk he used to have. He became a completely different person. It has already passed a lot of time when i realized all the bad things i did when we were together, but seeing he has changed that much was really a punch in the stomach. I miss him. A lot. I really feel the worst scum of the Earth. I dont know where he lives now, what he is doing, but i really hope he’s ok and he is continuing to pursue his goals. He is a very smart and willingly guy, but he lives in a very toxic enviroment and this always got in his way and worsened everything. I hope his situation got better. Deep down, i hope he will forgive me one day, but i think i had the definitive proof that he will never do. Now, to him, i am only a stranger. A NPC, a face you see and forget the next day. And this really destroys me from the inside. I wish you the best, i am really sorry to everything i have done to you. I really love you a lot, even if you dont know. And sadly, you will never.