This one’s just a vent everyone. Bit late and I got nobody up over here, but I gotta articulate these feelings somewhere, so to the internet it all goes.
5’4 guy, it’s tough. I have absolutely no problems with my height, but I’m lying if I say that sometimes it’s emotionally exhausting knowing so many other people do.
Yesterday I matched with a really cool girl over on Tinder. We did the absolutely most unexpected thing over on that app and actually started to hit it off. A lot of our interests overlap, the banter is good, she throws me a compliment right off the bat which absolutely boosts my over-inflated confidence, and we’re both looking for the same things. We swap numbers and today she hits me up. We call, have a great chat for an hour and then right at the end she asks me how tall I am. I tell her the truth and it’s dead right there, seemingly all interest just completely gone in a matter of seconds. We were going to hit the town up for drinks after Christmas and she drops the line that maybe we could still go as friends. It just hurts a bit yeah.
Like I’m introverted and slightly neurodivergent, so opening up to people isn’t always easy to begin with, but I put a ton of effort into just putting myself out there in-person and online, yet it’s a constant battle just to be accepted by other people because of something completely beyond my control. This isn’t where I give up, but it’s gonna take a few days to process and bounce back I guess.
Thoughts. I see this post maybe once a week on here, or just a bit more. It’s not a personality thing. Hell she even made a point to note how nice I seemed just before it went downhill, which I really appreciated because I really do try to be my best self. I’m not bitter either, just a tad sad for now. I completely understand how these experiences can ruin someone, but it’s just not me. And I’m not sad I got rejected. I’m sad that once again, in this lifetime, someone stopped seeing me as person on the basis of how tall I very much am not.
I am not my height. I am my compassion, my creativity, my ambition, my experiences, my actions, my love and everything else I have to offer to the world. I just kinda wish people would understand that already.
27 comments
That’s heartbreaking and I’m sorry. Technology and capital have been making people more and more superficial – because technology can only show the superficial, and because superficiality drives consumption and profits. Just know that her reaction isn’t human nature, it’s just where our fucked up culture is right now. It’s not you, people are just conditioned to seek status symbols and status stats to an unprecedented degree right now.
As a woman I can’t fathom why other women give a toss about something as trivial as height. I’m so sorry. That’s really shitty of her and you deserve better than that.
Natural selection is a biach man. I’m also a short guy, but I have a pretty good looking face, so I thank god I do not have to go through situations like these often. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but you can’t really expect people to just want you for your inner you only. Humans also want a well-fitted physical person as well as a well-fitted mentally one. It’s just how it is. You should get your muscle mass up that way you can increase your chances with women more. You got this man!
there’s nothing wrong with having a personal preference. it gets hated on way too much on this sub. what if you were 4 foot? 3’5”? what if you were missing half your face? of course hyperbole, but asking someone to overlook personal preferences because of your “compassion, creativity, ambition” is just naive.
If it makes you feel any better, nothing’s gone right for me romantically since my ex dumped me in August, and I’m tall.
I’ve personally never understood why so many women care about height. I’ve dated women from 4’10 to 6’5 and could care less how tall they are. A lot of men don’t want to date taller women, a lot of women don’t want to date shorter men. It baffles me. I’m 5’10 so it doesn’t really affect me either way, but I just don’t get the big deal about height.
I believe this is the 4th post today about height that I’ve seen.
Your last paragraph is spot on. I believe this is only an internet issue because its like a numbers game.
Ya. Man it’s tough. I feel for you. I’m not tall, not short though, so I don’t know the troubles you are going through. If someone can’t look past your vertical challenge then you wouldn’t want to be with that person in the first place. I would previously call it shallow, but everyone is going to have their preferences including myself. Hell I don’t look at height when I’m looking for a partner. To me it’s something that isn’t quite important, and there are women out there that think exactly like me. Your turn will come buddy and she’ll sweep you off your feet.
Keep trying dude I’m pretty sure I saw a guy at a bar recently who was about 5’4 and his girlfriend was 5’10/5’11. Hang in their brother there is something for you too.
Feminist are gonna be real quiet on this one.
First I’ll say that I hope you understand there are people who aren’t in your situation that feel sympathy, whether you need it or not. I don’t think you’re even remotely less because of your height and anyone who does is a piece of shit.
Secondly, online dating just isn’t going to be good man. If you’re going to do it anyway though you HAVE to put your height in your bio and save yourself from that situation potentially happening again. Maybe you could even mention it in some joking way that makes it seem like less of a big deal.
I really would recommend you just work on everything else you can though and try approaching people in public. It’s still going to be hard and you’re going to have to have thick skin, but it’s definitely possible to meet someone that way. Ofc I’d recommend mainly going for shorter women but if you’re confident enough you could ofc go for taller as there are at least a small few who are open to dating shorter men.
At the “extreme” you could also consider moving to some place where the average height of men and women is on the shorter side or specifically going for women from these places. A few would be Vietnam, the Philippines, Ecuador, Peru, Nigeria, Bangladesh, El Salvador, Mexico, etc.
It’s been at the very beginning of dating apps, I (23F) was super inexperienced, so I got matched with this dude, common interest, nice convo. He invited me for a dinner in the nice place. Long story short (unintended pun) I enter the restaurant and I see him seeing me (6’0) and I saw his face just dropped, he was short, but I really didn’t make any change to the way I was approaching the date, I was excited, but be the second I saw his face I knew he was mentally out. He clearly liked the way I looked other than that, but he was absolutely not ready to be seen with a girl way taller than him. It was very hard on my self esteem. I was pretty inexperienced and anxious around dating, that was pretty traumatic. He didn’t literally walk out on me, but the way the conversation went it felt like he wanted to excuse himself why I was not good enough so he wouldn’t feel ashamed. No need to say he stopped talking to me after.
Posts like this have helped open my eyes to my past prejudices, I’m 5’5”, there’s literally no good reason to eliminate a set of my matches who probably have no problem with me wearing 2” heels.
If neither of us care, why should I care what the general public thinks. I seriously have no good reason to give as to why I wouldn’t date a shorter guy except that I had other people’s opinions in my head.
Maybe be more aggressively open about your height? It will prevent you wasting your time with someone for whom it’s a deal breaker.
I, e.g. matched with someone on Tinder who already had in his profile that he’s short. I like short men so the first thing I asked him was how short. Turned out he was 5’2 and we got along like a house on fire. Due to circumstances we had to wait a bit before we could meet, and in the end we didn’t … but that was because in the meantime he caught feelings for someone else.
So yes, being short is a disadvantage but there are still enough people who either don’t care or are into it.
It’s her loss, really. I sympathize with you but also glad that this happened before things went further.
Virtual hug and hope you don’t get sad too long. Happier days ahead!
I’m dealing with a fair number of mental health issues from my time in the military and I have an exceptionally difficult time forming connections with other people and I have to exert more energy to do basic tasks. But no matter what I do any woman I match with just stops talking to me after 3 days, I’ve had a grand total of 3 dates in the past decade.
Online dating has become so superficial but I say keep trying and you got this. You’re weeding out the superficial people who can’t see you for who you are; all in the last paragraph you mentioned.
I’m 5’2” and I’ve never had height on my list. I prefer passion, ambition, love, and family. Yes I am attracted to certain looks but I don’t shut people off for their height.
There always going to be a physical standard of attractiveness. The ideal type would consist of a certain age range, height, weight, facial appearance, breast size, body shape, skin color, etc. I see that driven by society, culture and human evolutionary biology.
Most of us don’t fit that ideal type. The things we can really change about ourselves are our attitude and interpersonal skills.
I know that I’m only half of that equation for it is how I view others who don’t fit my ideal physical type affects my chances in find the right person for me.
I have a male friend who is my age (late sixties), lonely, never married and whose longest relationship is a year. One of his physical standards for a mate is large breasts. He does not like that this is a required preference and tried to date those who did not have large breasts. Inevitably those relationships did not work out, mostly because of that lack of physical attraction. He hates that this is an internal, unconscious limiting aspect of himself that keeps him from expanding his range of women he be attracted to.
Yeah it’s stupid, you can be the nicest most charming guy out there but if she’s not attracted to you, it’s a no go. It’s not just height either. It’s race, disabilities, balding, and all this other shit you can’t change
OP, focus on your strengths, not your “weakness” and you’ll be alright.
Damn must be tough for you.
She suggest “going as friends” shoot it down and move on.
Ypu need to lead with your height and weed out the shallow people. But trust me, there are a lot of women out there who don’t care at all.
My wife and I were married for many years, I’m 5’4”, she was 6’. If a woman is so insecure in herself or that she can’t handle someone unless they are X feet and inches tall, she is NOT someone you want to date, nor would (I) want to then be friends with them. Period.
Put your height on your profile, that way you know you’re talking to women that are secure in themselves and either have confidence in their choices or could care less what others think which are both turn-ons in my book 💯
She’s not saying you are your height. Thus the offer to be friends but she is saying how short you are impacts your attractiveness in her eyes and that’s completely fair. You’re being a wee bit over dramatic about it.
>I am not my height.
Height is part of you, just like your two arms and two legs, your face, etc. And you know that being short, for a man, is abnormal. So why isn’t it in your bio? It’s important. Why is it your extraordinary brain is important, but your extraordinary size isn’t? They are both equally important to some people. What would you do if you met someone who’s 1000% physically into you and your height, but rejected you because you’re creative and kind and stuff? Would you say “I’m not my brain. I’m my height and my looks”? You have self-esteem issues, and that’s the reason why your height isn’t in your bio, and that’s why you get into these situations, despite very well knowing what people consider ‘important’ when it comes to physical preferences. Pre-selection is what dating apps are all about.
Im so sorry you’re going through this. Let me just say that I am not dismissing your height being a factor – but maybe it’s not everything.
I am a 5’7 slim cute girl and get a lot of attention, yet I cannot keep a guy interested in me. Im 29 and still have never had a boyfriend. If I go on some dates with someone, I try my best but they always leave for someone prettier or someone they care about more in some way. I am empathetic, kind, funny, put others first and I just get walked all over and discarded, every time. And I also have tried dating all types of guys, tall, short, attractive, less conventionally attractive, different jobs and personalities, etc. I am always second best and feel like I will never have a relationship because I am never enough. I get false hope when guys ask me out then half the time they bail and ghost me. He’s always “just not that into me”. Nobody ever takes me seriously or is afraid of losing me. Ppl tend to be shocked when I tell them this because I appear like I would have it easy. I am just saying that maybe even if you were taller you would still struggle bc a lot of people do in today’s dating market where ppl are always trying to “trade up”. It seems especially hard if you are kind, unselfish and empathetic. Because people tend to treat you like a doormat. I share your frustrations.
It doesn’t get much better the taller you get. I’m almost 6’1″ and girls are looking for 6″3″ and up now. I found a killer babe that is 6’1″ and likes me even though she’s taller in heels, lol. All a matter of confidence and personality. Humor is a big thing for them though.