I am in love with my bestfriend

TLDR: In love with my best friend who is so kind to me but I don’t think she is interested in me romantically but is very attached to me emotionally platonic ally. I want to express my feelings because I like her but we are so close I don’t want to hurt her.

I need some words of wisdom anyone plz

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**Me (18m)**

My life is pretty great lol. I wake up everyday at 5:30 pop some creatine and protein powder, meditate and hit the gym. Some days during the week I’ll play drop in volleyball if its open. I also read books on philosophy I am reading a really popular one right now called Meditations. I am currently working on a book almost like a guide for young men because my father was just a guy that went to work and came home so no masculinity was taught to me and I had to figure life out on my own. My parents did not raise me well at all and left me with a lot of trauma but that’s far to long to get into but that’s what motivated me. I journal before I sleep to help explore my past traumas and deal with difficult situations. I eat high protein clean meals and drink lots of water. I am working towards becoming a firefighter in school right now. I know how to dress well, groom well and always smell good and I have a attractive body and face.

So without sounding to arrogant I have put a lot of effort into setting my life up in a way where I am healthy both mentally and physically and I feel that I have found my purpose in life. Something else you could take away from this is getting rejected by someone wouldn’t bother me because I have so much going for me and I know I am gonna have a great future with or without her.

**So the story now :)**

I met her in my program and we instantly clicked. We spent the past three months getting to know each other and are really close even closer than her boyfriend with her. We had a conversation about how she was upset that her long distance boyfriend who she just started dating around the time we met was not giving her attention or caring about the relationship. This was the only time she ever talked about her boyfriend negatively to me even though it really seems like he stresses her out so much (That really shows a great trait in her not to gossip about her relationship with a guy my opinion at least). Then I asked her are we closer than you and you’re boyfriend and she said yes without hesitation even though we have known each other for less time than her boyfriend. We are best friends but I am of the opposite sex being as close as we are even though we are just friends, I know I get a sense of intimacy from that even though it is not physical. We are both vulnerable with each other and talk about our life goals and ambitions. Only recently have I started thinking how inappropriate this behaviour is for people of the opposite sex WHILE shes in a relationship. I became the friends with her with full intentions of just being friends with her but after a lot of deep talks and her telling me how she cares about me I have developed feelings for her. It’s not that uneasy sparky love where its like exciting though. Its more like wow this person is really kind and we are so close and have a deep woven trust for each other. The point of that was to show how its not lust or anything like that. We have both said many times things a long the lines of bro and I even said in the past how she reminded me of my little sister. Point being I am her closest friend it seems and she is very attached to me I think because she talks about how she would be hurt if we stopped talking and things like that. She also reaches out to me practically everyday asking about my life and just being very kind in general with things like helping me with my homework even though I don’t provide anything for her in return besides my presence and also attention that her boyfriend doesn’t seem to give her to often. For my birthday her mom even hand made me a gift a turtle my favourite animal she remembers from me saying like once months ago and that caught me off guard. To summarize she is the best friend someone could ask for and she loves me but its platonic to my understanding.

**The Issue**

*I like her romantically now even though those were not my original intentions.*

I am not the type of guy to be stuck in the friend zone with a girl but she is already going through a tough time with her relationship is it being a dick to be like hey after being super close with you after three months I like you and don’t want to be friends anymore.

If she said that she is not interested I’m fine with that she is not required to like me nor does she owe me anything.

To put it simply I don’t want to be just friends with her so if she did reject me after everything shes done for and trust me its so much so I feel so bad how do I tell her being friends is not something I would be interested in because someone that likes the other person it’s not just awkward but I would just want to move on because being in this grey area constantly keeps me thinking about should I tell her or shouldn’t I and its starting to get to me. But like if she just rejected me I could forget about her and not talk to her but she would be really hurt and I feel so guilty after how sweet she has been towards me. Perhaps I won’t even tell her how would you guys recommend that I go from being best friends super close to JUST friends so she is not on my mind as much or so when I do tell her my feelings she won’t feel as bad. I know I’m pretty dumb for an 18 year old but I hope what I said makes sense

Damn even while writing this message she reached out offering some help for a project I was struggling with