Ok, so a little background, I (20F) am 8 years younger than my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about 7 months now, and we absolutely cannot get enough of each other in and out of the bedroom. While he’s had several sexual partners in the past, I would say I’m pretty experienced for only having two prior to him. I’m into some pretty kinky stuff and have a crazy high libido, so I’ve had lots of room for exploration and variety. My boyfriend likes to say he’s kinky, but he’s about as vanilla as the extract itself. I’m not complaining by any means, our sex life is phenomenal. He has tried to incorporate some things that are new to him; regardless, I’m always so satisfied. He’s super sweet, attentive, and just an overall dream of a partner.
Anyways, one thing that’s not a huge game changer for me is anal. I enjoy the occasional plug with PIV, but anal sex just isn’t my forte (at least receiving, I enjoy giving). I told my partner that I typically like to try everything twice (I don’t feel like once gives you a good enough idea to properly determine) but anal isn’t something I’m super into. He didn’t have any objections. Usually we talk about things before giving them a try. For me, it’s important to make sure we’re both on the same page before getting adventurous. I don’t like surprises, and I don’t wanna push for something if he’s not into it and vice versa. By the same token, I know it’s harder for him to express what he likes and wants to try because he’s generally a private/shy person. So I usually start the conversation, but let him finish it.
Last night, he was eating me out, but he kept heading south. Now, again, I don’t mind trying anything, but there needs to be some sort of heads up. Either before the smegsy time begins, or at least a quick comment/inquiry during. I kinda just pulled him up a bit back towards the nonrestrictive area, and asked him to stop, but he did it again. It was a huge turn off for me and I struggled continuing onto PIV. It’s just a really weird situation because on one hand, I’m super supportive of him wanting to switch things up and trying something new. On the other, I’m kinda upset that I wasn’t given a heads up (especially on something that he knows is a soft limit) and that he did it again after i told him no.
I tried to bring it up this morning, but I kinda got the vibe that he was upset and didn’t want to talk (usually gets moody when he can’t get me off). I’m not opposed to trying it if he really wants to, I’m sure there are countless acts/kinks that I’ve prospected with him that are outside of his comfort zone. But I wouldn’t push those onto him without asking first. Should I try to bring it up again? Maybe not regarding the instance of last night, but just a general conversation? Should I just assume it’s something he wants to try and just go for it next time? Does anyone have a similar experience? If so, how’d it play out for you? Any tips on how to make anal sex (oral or not) better would be greatly appreciated.
6 comments
Assume nothing. Ask everything. Maybe he was trying to be spontaneous? Who knows. He should have asked you because it sounds like that is the understanding between you. What stopped you from asking him in the moment? Regardless, a conversation is needed.
I think he assumed since you are ok with plugs tahn licking is not really off limits.
I recommend setting safe words so he is clear. I usually use “yellow” and “red”.
I ams ure you can work out how you want to use these words.
This way there is no confusion of how stretching boundaries and hitting/passing limits.
He was pushy and didn’t get your consent. But he’s the moody one?
In the heat of the moment when we are super turned on, it can be intoxicating.
He may be vanilla, but was super turned on and wasn’t thinking straight.
He might have been experimenting and even though you tried to pull him away, he might have hoped you would just go with it and let him try.
Analingus or rimming doesn’t mean he wants anal sex. It’s just a form of anal play, and since you did tell him that some of that had been something you have done in the past and liked…
It does sound like he did stop after the 2nd time. But I do think it’s something you should talk to him about. And possibly give it and him a chance with his exploration into things that are on the more kinky side. Which is sounds like you might have been wanting him to get into.
Why are you opposed to getting your ass eaten by your boyfriend? It’s pretty vanilla.
You’re giving a lot of leeway to someone who didn’t stop after being told stop