Is ignoring him the right thing?

Back in April this year I attended a two week course where I (20f) met a guy (19m) in my group. I honestly didn’t think much of him at first since I assumed we wouldn’t even get close, but he started initiating conversations with me and I was immediately surprised by how nice and likeable he was.

Prior to the two week course we had an online induction, and from that time he was talking to another girl in our group (they weren’t officially together). But a few days into the actual course when we all met in person, I found out through a friend that he broke things off with her. He still remained very respectful towards her afterwards, and offered her a hug when she cried.

Around that time he started jokingly flirting with me, specifically when the girl he was initially talking to wasn’t there – I guess to not make things awkward. One of my friends on the course pointed this out and stated how she thinks he’s really into me, since despite him being nice to everyone he wasn’t jokingly flirting around with everyone.

However, I’ve never had any romantic experience and despite the fact that I’m much more confident and happy than I used to be with myself and my looks, I never assume guys are genuinely into me. It also takes me a while to genuinely be into a guy, and I have to feel emotionally connected to them in order to even feel anything. So I just brushed his joking-flirting off and didn’t think much of it.

Once the course was over, we had mostly short and fun conversations – nothing serious. He would still jokingly flirt at times but that also slowly started to stop until around late may, when we spoke for a little over a week. The conversations we had were much deeper and lengthy, and I was surprised at how quickly I became comfortable being emotionally open and vulnerable with him, and how much we had in common and understood each other.

I realised during this time that I really liked him, and was sure of my feelings. However, I also found out he was dating a different girl on the same course we met each other on, who was in another group. He’d also casually bring her up in conversations. This was quite hard for me to process as although there was never anything serious between us, I knew I had genuine feelings for him and was also surprised at how quickly he seemed to already be dating somebody else. I also found out that he kissed his girlfriend’s head on the last day of our course through a friend, which also surprised me since he was still jokingly flirting with me on instagram after the course was over (so after he kissed her).

He also addressed the ‘joking flirting’, and roughly said ‘at times i took the joke too far so I’m sorry since though no one was laughing at you I understand if you felt any humiliation’. I found it weird how he worded the situation as if his flirting all meant nothing and he was almost pranking me, expecting me to be embarrassed as that’s not what I took from the situation. But I also felt like if he truly liked he he would’ve made that clear.

However, I continued being nice to him after that message, and we stopped consistently talking after that week. He was also in a relationship so I knew I had to back off and didn’t see a point in initiating conversation with him any further despite my feelings. Then for the following months he’d just reply to my Instagram stories from time to time, mostly relating to music or work I was doing, and I’d make sure to keep conversations short, usually by just liking the message.

Then in November he followed up one of our short conversations by asking how I’m doing. That led to us talking consistently for another three weeks. During this time he’s opened up to me about his now ex girlfriend (the girl he was dating when I started to like him), and how she mistreated him and disrespected him throughout the relationship with things she said, and also by not respecting his boundaries and still staying in contact with her ex during the relationship despite him telling her how uncomfortable it made him.

I felt really bad for him and was emotionally supportive and addressed all the things he mentioned happening and how he felt. He also opened up to me about other relationships he’s been in and also his family and how close he is with them. He also shared photos and we connected over music we enjoy listening to. He told me that he’s never experienced someone listening to him the way I do, or even listening to the music he recommends and having so much to say about it.

I also opened up to him more about my past struggles and how close I am with my family, and I felt myself becoming more comfortable talking to him and growing feelings further.

However, he also seems inconsistent in how he feels about me, as still has yet to make it clear he likes me romantically, and can be hot and cold. I know he’s busy with work but I also feel like I’m doubting myself all over again and I can’t seem to shake the past with him telling me his flirting was truly just a ‘joke’ back in May. Talking to him has also consumed a lot of my time and energy and I know I need to prioritise other things instead. I also feel like he’s shown red flag behaviour in the past, and don’t know if it’s very smart to trust someone like that even if they seem promising and are very nice, or if people can really change that quickly.

I’ve decided to just like his new messages he sent me and not reply any further.

I guess I’m just asking if this seems like the right decision for me to make considering the situation and his behaviour towards me?

TL;DR – A guy I met in April this year seemed to show signs of interest only to get a girlfriend and claim his flirting was a joke, saying he understands if I felt humiliated. Recently he broke up with his girlfriend after she mistreated him (talking to her ex while they were together and admitted to seeing him even after she promised she wouldn’t, said disrespectful things) and he started talking to me again, and I’ve been very emotionally supportive towards him. He’s also opened up to me about other relationships and his family. However, my feelings for him have remained and he’s still inconsistent and unclear about how he feels about me and I feel very mentally exhausted. I’ve decided to just like his new messages he sent me and not reply any further. Does this seem like the right decision to make?