Thanking your man?

32 comments

1. Yup. I hate myself for it every time and often don’t even realize I’m doing it until afterwards. Now I just ask him to do something – something I do often without being asked or applauded for – and that’s that.

2. I don’t understand the problem. Shouldn’t gratitude be expressed often? Does it bother you to be appreciative? Is there a hidden cost of saying thank you?

3. I totally get that! BUUUUT….when my wife thanks me for something I want to do more! I love the praise! Maybe it’s just me, but if she shows earnest appreciation for A, I’m going to do B, C, and D. Then the next time A needs to be done, ai will do it again. I guess I’m like a little puppy eagerly awaiting the pat on the head. 🤣

4. Sure, all the time. But I don’t mind, I have my jobs/roles, he has his. So, when he dips into mine, I am definitely appreciative, since he is going above and beyond. He thanks me all the time for the little things I do 🙂 I’m a housewife (and no kids, just cats), and we are in a fully consensual 24/7 Dominate/submissive dynamic.

5. Simple thank you’a goes a long way even with the simplest tasks done. We sometimes take things for granted and just by saying thank you …… it shows appreciation.

   Doesn’t cost anything to be polite and kind especially to the ones we love most. He knows🙂

6. Hell no

7. Consider splitting the household chores. I was horrible at helping with housework. Now we alternate household duties weekly and it has made a huge improvement in our relationship.

8. I thank my wife for being my wife every week.

9. I mean, I thank my wife daily for every little thing. Isn’t that what a loving marriage is?

10. Yes, my husband and I have this conversation often and still can’t see eye to eye on how to give and take.

11. This week in “topics that appeal to desperately neglected housewives with shitty husbands who haven’t realized it….”

12. Honestly, i get the frustration; it should not be a requirement for things that need to get done. BUT: overall, gratitude is free. And showing appreciation for small, mundane stuff is positive reinforcement. It encourages the continuation of whatever action is being done. I don’t think thats a bad thing.

    If we don’t show gratitude for small things, then we only leave ourselves openings for change in neutral and negative terms (such as “nagging,” as much as I dislike the term). Obviously we should be able to also voice our displeasure about certain things/boundaries being crossed, but is that the ONLY way to encourage teamwork? I wouldn’t want that to be the only way to encourage teamwork; its not effective by itself. And that means that positive reinforcement in terms of gratitude for mundane things is necessary for most relationships to thrive. That way its not all negative.

13. I thank him for dinner, but he would keep making dinner regardless of whether I praise him for it.

    I stopped going out of my way to make his life easier at my expense. He eventually picked up the slack.

14. Appreciation shows up in 2 main ways. Affirmation, noticing with works or reciprocation showing appreciation rather then telling. The wife and I strive for a healthy mix. She’s been WFH all week with a sick 6 month old and on her first day off on the weekend had both family and friends she had to show up for in crisis. I was home with the boys, 6m and 3y, I kept them entertained and cleaned house alongside completing some tasks she had asked me to do ages ago. Life gets busy and time is hard to spare it’s what you use that time on that’s important. If what your hubby needs is affirmation give it willingly more then likely he reciprocate or reaffirm which is better for the two of you in the long run.

15. We both thank each other regularly for mundane regular things. Both the expected & the unexpected.

    I’ve done all the ironing our whole marriage. Once every couple years I’ll ask her to iron one or two items because I don’t have time before they’re needed. Then I thank her.

    She likewise thanks me for similar things.

    Seriously, this is a healthy dynamic. Regularly expressing appreciation for the things, even the little ones, your spouse does. I don’t get people discouraging it. Sounds like a miserable way to exist with your spouse.

16. No, never

17. I simply make a point of thanking him for doing things that are things he is supposed to be working on. Regardless of whether or not I would get thanked for the same thing, I try to make sure he knows his efforts are appreciated. We try not to be transactional with things. We both thank each other for just normal everyday stuff and try to make each other feel appreciated. I definitely thank him more for houseworky things than he does me, but that is because it’s something he’s making an effort to do better with. I want him to feel seen for his efforts. When there’s something I’m working on he makes a point to notice it and make me feel good about working on it. Some examples are that I can be really grouchy when my pain condition flares up, and I try to at least notice my grouchiness and take responsibility for it. And my depression can make me really negative so I have to work on finding ways to frame things differently to help me with that. And when he notices me reframe something I said he’ll acknowledge it and make me feel good about that. It’s something we’re both actively doing for each other all the time. But like, I don’t have a problem remembering to throw my trash away in stead of leave it on the counter. He’d have no reason to thank me for the effort specifically.

    There are times both of us start to feel frustrated or unappreciated, but we tell our spouse that we are feeling that way. We regularly communicate about absolutely everything. And we don’t keep score. That’s just how we roll, and it keeps us very happy with our marriage. Occasionally we will have a rougher patch, but we’re both in this for the long haul and don’t expect everything to be perfect all the time. We try to give eachother as much grace as we would want extended to ourselves.

18. Personally, I don’t need a lot of thanks to feel appreciated. What makes me feel unappreciated is situations where for example I’ll throw in a load of laundry and do the dishes while that’s going, but then have to hear about an ice tray being left out or something small like that. It’s like, just cut me some slack here I’m doing multiple chores right now. Everyone’s different though, words of affirmation can be essential for many people.

19. Every time my husband cleans anything I do everyday MULTIPLE times a day he’s like “did you see I cleaned ‘this this and this’” and it’s like yes I did thank you so much! But when he does the dishes I know I’m going to have to rewash them because he doesn’t wash them correctly so I would just rather him just not do them at all. His job is to vacuum and I appreciate that greatly. I do the rest.

20. I do it daily. He does the same to me. It’s a mutually beneficial act that makes us both feel happy, worthwhile, and valued.

21. I mean I thank my husband for everything he does. Takes out the trash. “Thank you taking out the trash.” Cleans the bathroom. “I appreciate you doing that!” Works overtime one week. “I see you putting in the work for us and I just want to let you know I appreciate what you are doing.” I lose count the amount of times I thank him daily. I thank him for loving me! It takes zero effort and I want him to know I appreciate everything he does for us because we are teammates. And he shows the same amount of gratitude for me. I think it cultivates a sense of appreciation for what we have with each other and what we have built together. We truly feel lucky. Sure our effort is what expected for us to be in a functioning household and marriage but isn’t that something to be grateful for that we have each other and know we can depend on each other? Both of us have a healthy sense of mortality, not that we live in fear of death or have it on our minds a lot. But we have both been through awful things in our lives before we knew each other and it truly puts a perspective of time being a fragile and finite thing and so we always cherish having each other and want to show our love and appreciation to each other.

22. Don’t need to keep thanking them. Just don’t do it if they are suppose to do it

23. I don’t “overly praise”, but I do make a point to thank him. “Thanks for sweeping the floor.” “Thanks for taking care of the trash/dishes/lawn” etc. Its just courtesy. He does the same.

24. I express gratitude for everything so he feels appreciated. Even for dumb things like taking the bins out, doing dishes, sweeping the floor, filling up my water bottle etc. If you appreciate all the small things it makes him want to do more. Kinda like training a dog?

25. About 6 months ago I started thanking my husband profusely. I mean for every little thing and for some things going on and on and telling how wonderful he is and that he’s the best and I’m so lucky. I gotta say our marriage is way better and he does more and more and is happier than ever. It’s like a secret but magical formula. A marriage hack. Idk. It works and it’s awesome. Together 20 years and I’m kicking myself for not having figured this out a decade or 2 ago.

26. I used to wonder why I need to say thank you for doing things around the home but I’ve realized it’s my husband’s love language. Showing gratitude is a part of words of affirmation so I do my best to show that. Sometimes thank you feels formal so ill say i really appreciate you doing x,y,z

27. Tbf this can go both ways. “Thank you for giving me the time to myself that you are allowed everyday.””Thank you for contributing as much as I do to our sex.” Thank you for seeing that I had just done all of the dishes and instead of leaving that dirty plate, you put it in the dishwasher!!!”

28. I hate this, I do this because my husband said we (myself and kids) don’t appreciate him enough. He does the dishes….”thank you for doing the dishes, it’s much appreciated”….thank you for helping fold laundry, it’s much appreciated”….thank you for cooking dinner, it’s so delicious!” When I do any of these things…nothing FUCKING nothing! I cooked dinner last night no one said it was good or bad. You all have no idea how good it feels to get this off my chest.

29. “overly thank”? I thank my husband whenever he does a chore for me, and he does the same for me. Do we do it *every time*? No, but whenever we think about it, we do it. It makes us both feel appreciated for what we’re doing.

    Also, I’m a SAHM so it’s expected of me to put in a little more legwork around the house than him.

30. As a man, no, not at all… but I think it’s nice to be recognized once in a while in return for a favor. I don’t dwell on the notion of being or not being appreciated. In my opinion, a simple smile or a friendly nod will suffice.

31. Same here. I have to thank him excessively every-time he empties the bin otherwise he won’t do it. I do everything else and yet rarely get an acknowledgment

32. I don’t feel like I need to but sometimes I appreciate it so much I thank him a lot. For example, I’m almost 7 months pregnant and he handled dinner Friday night because I was exhausted. He should have done that because we are a team but I was so grateful I didn’t have to do it. I thanked him about 5 times.