Sorry for the long ass post I get super detailed. I am 34nb and since I was 20 I’ve lived with housemates, usually 2 or more, in a bunch of houses and different living situations. I’ve never really had a place that felt like my own, I always move into other established homes, which is fine, but at this age I’m really wanting a space that feels comfy/reflects my personality.
In the last couple of months, I found a perfect, super cheap 2 bedroom apartment and I wanted to find a housemate. Found a coworker conveniently needing to move. We hit it off really well; I really like him (34m) as a person. He’s very sweet and funny and we are pretty similar. When we met to discuss what we’re both looking for in a living situation, I let him know that I want to be able to grow into a space, decorate it in the way I want. Etc while giving him room so it can feel like our space. I also expressed that I don’t want to feel like I need to hide in my room because the space feels dominated by one person. I also discussed wanting to be able to give eachother alone time in the space because people need that solitude sometimes.
We move in, and he didn’t quite explain that he essentially owns an entire floor of a house worth of stuff. Pretty much all of the furniture, posters, decor is all his. I don’t have much because I’ve moved a ton, so it wasn’t the worst thing but just kinda felt like I wouldn’t be able to collect anything that would feel like it was my space too.
He ended up getting semi fired from his job right after, so he works on call essentially but is home constantly. I work from home so I end up sitting in my bedroom all day long unless I go into the office because I have to make confidential calls. When I do go into the living space, he’s always occupying it and I feel like I don’t really have a chance to enjoy it. If I put a record on, he asks as soon as it’s done if he can put one on (every time I try to use the record player). I’ll be settled in the kitchen doing work and listening to music and he will ask me if I can turn off.my music so he can watch the news on his tablet (which he can totally so with headphones or in his room?). His girlfriend is over 2-3x a week but when they’re here it feels more like it’s their time, so I end up going to my room if I’m not part of the conversations (I do try to make an effort here and there to talk). He also seems to copy me a ton (starting similar projects that I started, eating/cooking the same meals that I cook, copying my date ideas, I noticed he bought the same color bar soaps as me??)
I’m really feeling like I’m being pushed out of my place, I had to get rid of one of the few pieces I had I’m the living room because it just didn’t fit so it’s essentially his living space. Idk why I’m so fixated on that part, it feels unreasonable but it also is really getting to me.
Am I being dramatic? Would you feel similarly? Have you been in a similar situation and worked through it? Do you struggle with the same frustrations and if so how do you handle them?
TL;DR: feel like the new housemate is taking over the apartment that I found, am I being dramatic for being frustrated with it?
2 comments
I would feel exactly the same. I would want them gone.
It sounds like you know exactly what it is you need- and that is to live alone.
It can expensive, but I think you find the peace and freedom worth it.