Ok so when i match with women they never message me first I always have to do it. When I ask them what there first impression of me they always say stuff like I thought wow hes so good looking and stuff like that but then they never message first or even say it in the conversation unless I get it out of them. If I don’t message first there wouldn’t even be a conversation at all. What is the reasoning behind all this? You show so much interest when I message you yet if I didn’t message first you wouldn’t even message me.
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> What is the reasoning behind all this? You show so much interest when I message you yet if I didn’t message first you wouldn’t even message me.
Girls just follow the old trend of guys messaging the girl first and doing the initiating. This is why they created Bumble where the girls have to send the first message after matching.
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I used to didn’t mind doing things first. But i’ve always been giver in my relationships. I really make a lot effort and don’t recieve much in return. Now my motivation is if i’m giving my energy to someone, they have to show me they deserve it. There are of course a lot of ways to show that, but if they’re not even texting me first i take that as a sign they are not that interested in me.
It’s because OLD statistics show that there’s about 4-5 men per 1 woman. That stat alone shows that us guys are at a disadvantage. Women have the luxury to pick and choose solely based off that, so there needs to be some effort on our part to stand out. Unfortunately, it can be hard to stand out when 50 other guys are sending a first message.
You probably won’t like this advice, but I’ll tell it like it is. The less you care about matching and if someone responds to you, the more likely you will get responses/matches. If you go through life with an internal energy that says “I’m going to go after what I want, say what I want, and not second guess myself, and if it doesn’t work out, that’s ok.” You are going to dominate life. You will naturally attract people, money and other opportunities into your life if you continue to have an abundance mindset.
Those are the unspoken rules. If you keep living with that mindset, you will start to attract women that have high interest in you. These are the women you want to date. Don’t settle, and understand that you’re a catch. That’s how you play the game of life.
Back in my dating days i would only text first if i found something about the guy to be exceptional, if we had a lot in common judging from his bio or he is really my type when it comes to looks. But if a guy hasn’t particularly impressed me at the first glance, then his interest in me turned into an important factor and therefore him texting first became important.
If I ‘liked’ a guy and put a comment on Hinge for example (which I very often but not always do) but the man simply matches without writing anything back (thus expecting me to write again), I would unmatch within 24 hours 🤷🏼♀️.
If I’m the one liking second and thus creating the match, I always write an opener. Those are my personal rules.
I even sent a guy a rose (superlike) once. He liked it very much but we realised quickly that we weren’t a good match and parted ways amicably.
Why are you asking what their first impression is of you? Sounds like you’re fishing for compliments and would be off-putting for me personally.
My ex husband was extremely passive. I like assertive, extroverted guys. To me, that means they initiate when possible.
When I did OLD, I often reached out first and was often ignored. I prefer to receive the first message,, but I wasn’t afraid to start the conversation. Then again I was in my early 50s and experience taught me to get out there and be proactive, not reactive.
Given the M:F ratio of OLD, any messages I write are likely going into an inbox of hundreds or thousands and will never be read never mind responded to. It’s a pretty depressing exercise in futility and indicates my total lack of worth in the dating scene.
You get messages? Lol
I wouldn’t go out with a guy who asked me what my first impression of him was. FYI
Why do you need them to tell you that you’re good looking? They matched with you which means they’re interested.
I message first if the guy looks approachable and I have something to say or ask
I’m a woman who dates both men and women. Women almost never message me first, so I know I have to message if I want to talk to them. I would be happy to message men first, but there are so many men on the apps, I’m usually getting too many messages and I’m trying to slow them down… which means not starting new conversations until I’ve figured out what to do with the ones I’m already in. Therefore, guys who message first get ahead of the ones that don’t, and sometimes I never get around to initiating conversations at all.
When i used Tinder and send the first message, they never replied to me, but well, it was my experience.
Yes, i’m a woman.