We been dating for over 3.5 months and it feels like if I don’t put in effort about what I need, how much I would like to see her, asking her out somewhere, or pushing a conversation forward then we wouldn’t be together or i would come off as lazy boyfriend.
Like i get she is busy with work and the holidays but it feels like I come secondary to everything in life. She’ll come up with ideas that she wants to do with me but if I don’t plan and carry them across the finish line then they won’t happen. She asks to call and speak with me but most of it is talking about her life and work. I just listen and stay engaged asking more questions to go deeper and more. I could keep her talking for hours but this week I can’t stay engaged. I let the conversation fall to a silence just to see what happens. When it’s my turn to talk she listens but doesn’t stay engaged and it seems like she is more just politely asking me questions for my sake or is just asking reflective questions.
We live an hour away from each other and I told her I would like to see her at least twice a week. However, what usually happens is that I end driving to see her and she never sees me at my place. She also refuses to spend the night at my place because she enjoys her bed more. I get it but I feel like she uses that excuse to not drive up to me because if it gets too late she will have to drive home to sleep in her bed, however, I do the same thing every week!
I know if I asked her that I really need her to drive up for me then she would, but I want her to want to see me at my place. Not me forcing her to.
She says she loves me but I need her to be more intentional.
One thing that kinda hurt me is that I got her a Christmas gift two weeks ago. I told her how important I like gifts on Christmas. It means a lot to me. She said she isn’t a big gifter but she will get me something. She said my gift is on the way and told me what it was but it’s been two weeks and she actually brought and wrapped a gift for a coworker before giving me a gift. I felt so jealous….
At this point I decided this week I wouldn’t visit her and or really initiate conversations to see what she says or does. She calls but when I asked her to come with me as my date to a work party she had a conflicting work party she needed to go to which wasn’t a big deal but it kinda signaled that we wouldn’t be seeing each other until Sunday.
Lastly, we are going through an abortion process right now and I know she is going through a whirlwind of emotions. I told her I’d support through all of this not matter what financially, physically, and emotionally. I know she probably doesn’t want spend as much time with me because of this so I don’t know if this is all related to that but it doesn’t feel that way.
TL;DR Girlfriend isn’t really matching my energy and it feels like I’m not a priority but I don’t know if it’s because of the abortion process that we going through or she just doesn’t want to?
3 comments
A relationship requires commitment to work on it from both parties. That’s all I’ll say.
Relationships ebb and flow, but at 3.5 months in, you’re not in a good place, especially for a long distance relationship. I don’t see this continuing for much longer. You just have different ideas about how you’d like to spend your time. You’re more high maintenance than she is. That’s not a bag thing! It’s just different from how she is.
Wait. Sorry. She’s…. About to have an abortion?….. am I – reading that correctly?
Because “whirlwind of emotions” is a very light way to describe that…