As a new father, what are some of the things people just don’t tell you?

29 comments

  1. How helpless you feel if your wife is breastfeeding. Especially if your little one won’t take a bottle. Our third wouldn’t take a bottle so it was all on my wife for a year plus. She had really bad anxiety after and I just wanted to help with that but couldn’t.

  3. Don’t go out if your way to be quiet when the baby naps.

    In fact, do activities like vacuuming and washing dishes to accustom the baby noises as it sleeps.

  5. Once you get beyond the gross feeling of poop under the fingernails, changing diapers can be fun. My son was so interactive then, always staring right into my eyes and he was always wanting to play.

  6. That your life isn’t “over”. You can still take those trips, long drives, go to restaurants, go have fun, and you don’t have to wait till your kids older to do it. I had a fleeting moment of thinking “I wish I’d done more and travelled more before I had a baby” before I realized I can. There’s nothing stopping you, regardless on if your kid is a year old or 12.

    Edit- sorry, no, I’m not a father. Me and my husband had this discussion when our son was born

  8. Make the baby get used to your schedule. Don’t be quiet. It’s ok to be annoyed or frustrated at your baby. Learn to deal with it and don’t blame the the kid.

  9. Be ready for the 7 month mark. That’s when they start getting fun. It’s when they get interactive and start laughing.

  10. Put a cloth over his penis when you change him. Fold his down when the diaper is on if you don’t want him to leak out of his diaper.
    I never got used to the poop. You just deal with it.

  11. You’re going to have a lot of impromptu spelling quizzes

    Edit: later. Not right after the kid is born.

  12. As a woman:
    Suddenly, your wife and you are not equal any more. She full time supports the baby, you support her.

    Breastfeeding lasts 40 to 60 minutes in the beginning, the mother can’t move at all. And her energy level go down while just sitting there producing milk. Feed her. And give her a bottle of water she can open with one hand, it makes a difference. She’ll love you for that.

    Breastfeeding is sooo boring. She just has one hand a the other supports the baby, so a tablet or a tolino are great. Think of how thin and fragile the whole head of the baby is, maybe no streaming close to it (a laptop and a mouse gives more distance).

    At night, it doesn’t help if you wake up with her every time the baby is hungry. Go to another room, sleep and support her at day. Way better for all of you. Please leave her a peeled banana and a twix

    The first months will bring you into a combination of exhaustion and responsibility you never experienced before. When it’s too much, there are too things your women and you should do. Do both of them. A) get some distance. Maybe go for a walk. Play your favorite songs. Whatever reminds you of who you are, a a person. B) cuddle your baby, works best if both of you are half naked. Skin to skin contact means bonding and hell, hormones give you superpowers!

    It’s ok if you wanna go out and scream or cry. As long as the baby is safe, do it.

    Ask for help. In the beginning, even a warm meal makes a lot of difference.

    Your woman will be back to normal some time after the birth. If not, ask for help. Having some problems with remembering or logic thinking might be a problem as long as she’s breastfeeding.

    If there are no reason like health issues, don’t push her to stop breastfeeding. Though many men think it’s important for the independence of the baby, it’s not. This is a bond that gives your child strength for its whole life, and it’s the most intimidating bond your woman can have. Don’t push her to break it till she is ready, she’ll never forgive you if she does it for you.

    Besides, the child needs food at least 2 years every night, sometimes multiple times. It’s so much easier to just take one breast out of the PJ and let it drink then to get up, mix the milk and while doing that, the hungry baby gets wide awake… no win. Don’t do this just to be equally helpful. All of you will lose much more sleep.

    If breastfeeding or sleeping makes problems, there are consultants out there. Google la leche liga! They can help! Better call them too early than too late.

    Breastfeeding in the beginning really is no fun. Encourage your woman to go through it, if possible. It’s can be really beautiful later, even when you hate it in the beginning.

    If you are insecure, there are videos on youtube about diapering and how to hold a baby. They help.

    When the first month(s) is/are over, think about cloth diapers. They are cheaper, better for your baby (both the butt itself plus it later has less problems when learning to go to the toilet – for this benefit the first 3 months are important), it’s easy better for the environment and the eew factor is much lower than everyone thinks. There are consultants for that, you can rent this diapers for testing them for low money.

    Don’t cause trauma. Don’t let the baby cry alone. If you need a break, look for another person or shortly leave the room. Make sure the baby is safe first!

    Babies learn stuff like rolling very sudden. Don’t leave the baby unattended on the table because it can’t roll at all. Chances are, it finds out just in those 20 seconds.

    And, as you probably heart from other sources: NEVER ever shake your baby. Can cause instant death!!

  13. Thanks for that, means a lot. He’s only a month old and I know there’s so much more to look forward too 🥰

  14. It isn’t as hard as a lot of folks make it out to be. If you and your partner share the load 0-8 or 9 years is really a breeze. I’m finding the tween years to be much more challenging and an opportunity for growth in myself. Dealing with complex emotions that are multiplied up by hormonal changes can be a bit of a roller coaster ride. Enjoy these early years and don’t forget to make time for yourselves as well. Congrats!

  16. What should be said: You aren’t a supplement to your child’s primary caregiver. You ARE the primary caregiver. You are responsible for no less than 50% of that child’s care and wellbeing. Hopefully you already know that though.

    Learn how to wrap a baby before it’s born – you have to put its head at the corner of the blanket (diamond shape, not square shape).

    Always have extra breast milk on hand.

    Childbirth is traumatic. A lot of people suffer injuries, some permanent. Evolution doesn’t care if your partner’s vagina tears to her asshole and it never fully recovers. All that to say, childbirth can also be traumatic for a partner – watching your loved one suffer can be a really horrible experience, and that’s OK. If you feel traumatized, get help, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and talk to your partner about it. “Natural” means fuck all, nature is a bitch.

    Go to checkups. It’s sooo important as a father especially. Know what to look for when when to get help. Ask as many questions as you need to.

  19. They can understand words and retain information before they can speak.

    My youngest is coming up on two, and has a fair number of words he can say – but his comprehension of questions is far beyond what he can say.

    ‘No, we can’t go outside until we put these shoes away and get coats, it’s too cold’ is not something I expected my older son to understand at this age, but I’ve learned that I can expect a *lot* more than I thought in terms of comprehension.

  20. Men have nipples for a baby to suck. It helps calm the baby and creates the same bonding the same way jt dose for the mom when breast feeding.

    If you give a infant the sent of a shirt that you wore thar day it will help them.calm down

    Baby carries are a god sent

    If you sleep with your baby on the bed and the baby is between you and your partner your brains wont squish the baby.

  23. Sometimes the new mother will deal with overwhelm from all of the physical contact with the baby (think of the opposite of touch-starved), so don’t take it too personally if she isn’t as physically attentive toward you for a little while as she adjusts. Obviously over a long period it might be a different story, but for awhile at the beginning it’s a real consideration.

  24. Changing diapers and feeding them when they are little and cute is infinitely easier than not trying to beat the piss out of them when they get older an mouth off or are going thru puberty.

  25. So many things. Ever heard of a kid that’s tongue-tied? Pretty common. We read so many books, not one covered this.

    Night terrors. Also common, very normal, fucking scary.

  28. Whatever you imagine fatherhood to be like, it won’t be like that. It’s going to be totally different in ways you can’t even imagine.

  29. Cherish even the most difficult moments because one day your kids will be older and you’ll miss it

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