I (20m) recently went on a date with this girl (19f) after hitting it off over text. We’re into similar music which is cool but when we went to grab coffee I can’t help but feel like the date was relatively one-sided.
I was asking questions and making jokes and stuff but she seemed a little disconnected from the whole thing. I’ve been on relatively few dates and this is the first time this has happened to me. She said she would like to meet up again but I feel like she was ambivalent to me being there at all.
Is this normal? Am I just overanalyzing?
5 comments
She could be really introverted and needs a second to get going. Since she said she wants to meet up again- do it it can’t hurt anything but your wallet.
Either she’ll warm up to you or that is actually her personality.
To answer the questions: doesn’t matter and yes.
If she acts as if she wants to go on a second date (important distinction: if she says she wants to but for every solution she seems to have a problem – then bounce) that means she’s interested.
What does being “a little disconnected” entail?
I personally think that the first date is irrelevant, as in: unless something extreme happened – like she put you in a physical danger and you did not like it extreme – then a second date is a good idea if you’re undecided. I think most of the problems surface either before or at the very beginning of a first date. The rest is noise. If you can agree on a time and place and keep that commitment that’s a great start!
Literally anything could happen. She could have had a mild headache and was trying to keep up, but didn’t want to reschedule… Or her pet tortoise died the day before and she’s still kinda sad, but some time has passed and c’mon it’s not like we can really empathise with a reptile. I could go on, the reasons being more bizarre and convoluted and having absolutely nothing to do with you. You don’t know. You’ll likely never know. It was just noise. Go collect more data points!
I’d say give her one more chance before moving on. Maybe she didn’t want to cancel but has stuff going on.
You’re probably overthinking it.
Change “date” to “Conversation”,. is it normal for conversations to be one sided? Of course!
Some people aren’t good at making small talk.
“Don’t enjoy chit chatting with her” is, I think, a reasonable thing to settle on to not be so picky. If you like other things about her I’d give her a pass on that; some people just aren’t great talkers. If you get married 10 years in you’ll probably be grateful that she isn’t talking your ears off when you want to relax and watch tv.
Also, some people open up more once you get to know them, this was just a first date.
If she says she wants to hang out again, then do it. Personally, I would set another date and then limit my talking to her in the meantime. Not as a mind game, but a “let her miss me” kind of thing. If it doesn’t work out, that’s ok too.