There’s this girl that I’ve had the biggest crush on for over ten years, and she tends to pop in and out of my life. We’ve been texting every day for the last five weeks, and we’re planning on hanging out soon. We’re extremely sexually compatible (we’ve dated and have had sex in the past), and we’ve been having saucy conversations at least once a week.
But I found out about two years ago that I have genital warts, and I’ve been abstinent ever since. Coincidentally, she was the last person that I had sex with \[in 2019, please kill me\] before the bumps appeared. I know that HPV can wait years before it shows symptoms, so it could’ve come from anybody. I was waiting for the couple warts that I have to go away on their own, but it’s been over two years now and I’m scared I might be a long-hauler.
Now that seeing each other in person again is becoming a reality, I’m scared out of my mind. I really like this girl, and I want nothing more than to have a relationship with her. But I don’t know how to tell her that I have symptom-presenting HPV. I’ve thought about asking her if she was vaccinated for it, and going from there. But I’d really like to hear from someone else who has experience with this or knows how to have a conversation about it.
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To be honest, there aren’t many nice or easy ways to go about this. But it really all depends on what you’re looking for from her. Do you want casual sex or would you like to pursue a relationship? If it’s B, don’t have sex yet. If it’s A ask her how she feels about the conversation around STIs as a whole. “I see a lot of social media accounts of people with incurable STIs trying to destigmatize/educate people on sex with STDs. What do you think?” (Obviously paraphrase, lead into conversation) and after that the best you can do is play it by ear. Good luck.
Be honest, even if she’s vaccinated. The vaccine only protects against certain HPV strands that are likely to cause cervical cancer. I’m vaccinated and would be PISSED if my partner wasn’t honest.
People with HPV don’t become monks. It’s really quite a common virus and in non-immuno-compromised individual it passes of it’s own volition max. Your crush very much might (and if not should) be vaccinated against a wide variety of strains.
You may wish to look into vaccination too. There are a lot of HPV strains and guys can get throat cancer from it (and anal cancer though this is more of a issue for folks who sleep with people with penises).
My ex-boyfriend presented with a symptom for the first time whilst in a long distance relationship. My primary and I both abstained from sex with him whilst we went through the vaccine course, subsequently said we would avoid sex during breakouts but another one never occurred.
HPV is exceptionally common and not tested for during standard STI tests. Over 80% of sexually actively people end up infected with one strain or another.
You absolutely should get on top of the facts about HPV and then have a candid conversation regarding sex and HPV. If you have been sex free for two years & are not immuno-compromised it’s highly likely that you no longer carry the virus. This conversation might go a lot better and get you to a much better place than you expect.
https://www.nfid.org/infectious-diseases/facts-about-human-papillomavirus-hpv-for-adults/
I have HPV and literally every potential partner I’ve told was very kind and understanding.
I always have said that along with the want to use condoms. Also has been received well. Haven’t had anyone turn me down…which I found concerning..
Anyways
Having said that I don’t have any symptoms (never have- diagnosed at 14) and it doesn’t show on my paps. I do however have the strain that doesn’t cause warts and I know how stigmas can be…
If for some reason she doesn’t take it well…oh well. I know it’s easier said than done but reality is reality and if she’s not okay with it that’s okay. So find someone who is. That’s okay too!
Nothing to spend all this time beating yourself up about. Don’t overthink it.
Did you go to doctors to see if they can make it go away??? Meds, surgically etc and for sure man you HAVE to be honest! It’s not fair to any woman you are ever with because even with a condom they can break or can she get them from just touching or from oral! Talk to doctor about making them gone and you must forever be honest! I know I would want to kill a woman for not telling me!