I (25F) have been seeing someone (25M) for about a month. When we were out last night I noticed that he had a tinder notification pop up when he gave me his phone to look up directions to the restaurant. It made me realize it bothers me to think of him seeing other people. We both established at the beginning that we’re looking for a serious relationship.
Is it too early to ask for exclusivity? Do I say I saw the tinder notification? How do I bring this all up?
TLDR; how to define the relationship?
8 comments
It’s not too early to ask.
ahh the dreaded what are we phase. If you dont want to waste anymore of your time then you have to make him be clear on where you two stand immediately.
You do it when you want to. If you want to be exclusive then now is the time.
Tell him that you saw the notification that night and how it made you feel. And maybe instead of defining the relationship then and there, you can tell him that it’s something you’ve been thinking about, and that you’d like to talk to him about it in the future to see if you’re in the same page. That way you aren’t necessarily ambushing him, and he has an out to take some time and think about how he feels.
It’s not too early. You’re allowed to want things. You don’t need to just follow his lead and compromise your desires. If you want an exclusive relationship, ask for one. He can say no and you can move on. You’re only short changing yourself by being in a one sided relationship where you’re too afraid to voice your wants. It’s also kind of sad if you’ve stopped dating other people but he hasn’t and you’re too timid to bring it up. Don’t put yourself in a corner like that.
I flat out told my fiance I wanted to see him again after we met for the first time. It took about a month after we first met for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. Honestly, most people appreciate you being direct with what you want. Just ask him if he’s ready for an exclusive relationship with you. If not, decide if you want to continue being an option or if you want to move on.
Okay old person (F) here. We didn’t have Tinder and all that when I was young. We didn’t have mobile phones and social media. We met people out in the real world, at clubs, pubs, etc. I would have a few dates on the go with several people at a time. When I met my husband (of 40 years now), I was engaged to someone else. We both knew when we had found ‘the one’. Neither of us wanted to date anyone else and we got married a year later. We didn’t need to discuss exclusivity. However, before I got to that point I had a lot of fun. So that’s my advice; have fun. If he is still looking at his Tinder options, and your worried about it, it doesn’t sound like you are having fun, or that you are on the same page. I would say keep it light and see what happens, and keep your eye on other options too!
It’s best to be direct.. You can mention you saw the notification when you were on phone duty, and were curious whether they were still interested in dating other people. It’s a great time to tell them how you feel and where you stand. Just be open to whatever they have to say. It’s not ambushing them at all, usually there is something that initiates the “where are we” conversation. At some point you need to feel sure of where your relationship is.