I (24F) have been in my current relationship with my bf (29M) for 6 years now. We have lived together for almost 2 years. As I have grown since 18 when I met him, I have started to feel that this isn’t the relationship or life that I want for myself. My bf is very introverted, quiet, submissive, kind of lazy, pessimistic, unromantic, and overall pretty different from me in his day-to-day life and interests/hobbies. I am an introverted-extrovert, I like to hang out with friends/family, go out and do fun things, exercise, plan vacations, I’m optimistic, chatty, motivated, and I generally feel like I do less with my life when I’m with him. Sexually, I feel like we don’t have sex enough and I feel bored (I don’t think sex has changed much at all since we started dating). I have tried to come up with resolutions to our issues, I’ve made chore charts so he contributes equally, I’ve planned and asked him to plan more dates, I’ve expressed that I want romance once in a while, that we should spice up our sex life/take turns initiating each week, that we should try and find a hobby that we enjoy together, etc., I’ve expressed that I’m unhappy and feeling disconnected, but I just feel like nothing has changed, and that I’m trying to change who he is as a person. My boyfriend seems generally happy with our relationship, and I don’t think he’d ever want to end things. I feel like I’m starting to resent him when he plays video games, or has a ‘idk whatever u want to do’ attitude, when he doesn’t clean/cook unless I tell him to, or when we only have sex because I initiated/asked. He is kind, smart, sweet, loving, amenable, he respects my boundaries, he’s faithful, and he does his best to address issues I bring up. He is absolutely a good man, and I do love him. At the same time, I have this feeling that he’s not right for me, that we don’t have a future together, and that possibly marrying him or having kids will be a mistake.
Because I have been with him for so long, and he is my first relationship/lover, it is extremely hard for me to think about ending things. I also am constantly doubting myself about whether or not I am overthinking things, if I’m asking for too much, having a ‘grass is always greener’ situation. I constantly go back and forth about this. I don’t know how to approach this, or how to come to a definitive decision about if I need to just stop overthinking and drop this, if I need to keep working at the relationship and suggest counseling, or if I should talk to my partner about these feelings and possibly end things.
It would help me to hear from people who have been in, and ended/accepted, long-term relationships. Did you regret it? Did you feel the way I do now? Did you stay? Did you try to work things out? Based on my situation, do you think it’s valid that I would want more? Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: I’ve been with my partner for 6 years but have been doubting it for a long time due to various incompatibilities. I’d love to hear about others’ experiences with this and would appreciate any advice.
2 comments
Don’t ever settle for the bare minimum. Would you regret breaking up if down the line you knew you were over the moon with someone else?
He might be a good guy, great guy or best guy in the world but if he isn’t right for YOU, the hardest reality to accept is that you’re stringing him along. Either you sit down with him explaining how you feel whilst suggesting big changes OR you make the call to end it. Which option you choose is up to you alone – bearing in mind that deciding to end it now will alleviate a lot of further time and effort invested into the relationship.