28 yr old male. i’ve always considered myself straight up until recently. my current gf has made it a comfortable environment for me to open up and explore who i truly am. but that’s also opening a lot of doors as to who i am and what i identify as. little back story: i’ve always been an asshole guy – it’s what i get off to. started using drugs early on in life and have been in active addition most of my adult life so far. that being said, i’ve been around all kinds of different people, a lot who have taken advantage of my addictions and used it to get me to do things i wouldn’t normally do. i’ve sucked a few dicks and had my sick sucked but always when i was high and getting something out of it. i guess those experiences opened me up to things that i may enjoy. i’ve become obsessed with transgender woman in the last few years. and recently have started to notice i’m slightly attracted to men. me and my girl will watch bisexual mmf porn together and i get really turned on when the guys are doing anything together. on the other side of this, i have a coworker who has been begging me to mess around with him and i just can’t bring myself to do it even though i’ve definitely considered it multiple times.
is it the drugs? am i just afraid to admit who i am to myself? what does it mean if i’m sexually attracted to men but could never see myself being romantically involved with one? i know a lot of straight men are attracted to trans woman but i’m starting to wonder if i’m attracted to them because i can indulge in “gay thoughts” without “being gay”. i very much love women and am very attracted to cis women. im very confused
5 comments
“Being gay” is not synonymous with “having sex with every guy you see,” so don’t worry about not saying yes to your coworker.
The question at the end of the day is this: Can you, in earnest, imagine yourself having sober sex with a guy and enjoying it? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Super Macho Manly Man, could be someone who’s a bit more effeminate. Don’t overthink it, just what comes first.
Drugs very much do affect your perception, but there’s also that element of you having been very aggressive and most likely repressing a lot of things about yourself you disliked.
So, you imagine yourself with a dude – no power dynamic, just a relationship. Does that feel like you could enjoy it (even if your brain panics), or does it feel like a fantasy that you can’t realistically see yourself doing?
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I mean sexuality is fluid. You’re probably more bisexual than anything, since you find attraction to both genders. You can be sexually attracted but not romantically attracted, that’s fine.
But I’d probably stop using drugs if I were you man, from a well-meaning Redditor to another.
It’s absolutely fine to be fluid, or gay, or pansexual, bi, or any other.
It’s great that your gf is accepting of part of you that has an interest in mmf.
Could I suggest that you may want to explore, but explore with her knowledge and consent. She seems to be respecting you, and respecting her in return would be a powerful and meaningful thing to do.
Some partners will let you explore. Some might want to explore with you. Some will pause the relationship while you explore. But whichever outcome happens, do it through respect for your partner.
I’ve a friend (f) who is extremely bi. She has committed to a monogamous relationship with a m because he asked her to. I admire them for deciding what was right for them and sticking to it after 20 years.
Explain your feelings to her.
You gf seems to be respectful and accepting of you. Borrow her strength by being respectful of yourself AND her. You’ll be glad that you did.
I consider myself a bisexual man. I’ve experimented and explored with other guys my whole life. I’ve come down to the fact that I don’t want to kiss another man or be in a LTR, but I’m always attracted sexually to the dick. Nothing except the dick.
You might be bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with being “gay”. You do you and enjoy it.