Me and my husband have been married for 4 years and were previously dating for 2 years. We originally met in college and were friends for around 3 years before we got together. So we have known each other for around 9 years, and in those 9 years I didn’t expect anything like this to happen. I am 29 and he is 30 (straight couple, Im the female and husband is obviously the male).
So about two months ago my husband was acting a bit strange, by strange I mean he’s usually very touchy since physical touch is his love language, he wouldn’t be as talkative when he got home from work, even on his off days he would be in his office at home which he usually hates being locked up in his office when he doesn’t have work stuff to do in there on his off days, and he wouldn’t let me come in to the office to check up on him.
I confronted him about it and he said it was just stress from his job which I could understand as he is the money provider in our family.
I forgot to mention that I don’t work due to currently being pregnant, otherwise I would be working at my tech job, but I’m 7 months pregnant.
Anyways I believed him and afterwards he was back to being normal, but it happened again, this time more secretive around his devices, going out every other weekend, etc.
Jump to two weeks ago, he was out again on the weekend, yet he left his office unlocked where his IPad and Laptop were. I got curious and decided to look through them, I know I know I shouldn’t be snooping around on my husband’s private stuff but curiosity got the best of me and it was the only time I could check on his devices without him noticing.
I opened up his laptop first, going straight to his emails and files, he doesn’t like to listen to me when I tell him that all passwords should be different but easy to remember incase somebody tries to hack him, but he doesn’t listen, so it was easy getting into locked files with his one password.
I stumbled upon a file titled “AT+JT” I got curious as AT are his initials, surprise surprise it was locked with the same password he uses for everything. I opened it to find loads of pictures and videos with some girl. I was shocked, I didn’t think he would actually do anything to me like this.. I started crying hysterically as I scrolled through all these videos and pictures. I clicked on the last one which was the first on ever added to the file.. I looked at the date and it was just 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant.
I closed the file as I couldn’t handle it, seeing my husband in bed with a random girl while I was at home or work, pregnant with OUR baby. I had seen enough, my husband in bed with another woman made me sick to my stomach. I got ready for bed while still crying and eventually fell asleep, he woke me up about 2 hours later on accident, he apologized and said he didn’t mean to wake me up and I just ignored him and went back to sleep.
I am being paid on maternity leave but it’s not enough to support myself and a baby if I leave, not even mentioning a divorce lawyer. Ever since I found out I have been doing the most I can, making or ordering dinner, cleaning the house when I can, not bothering him when he goes and ‘secretly’ cheats on me.
I don’t know what to do, I’m stuck, I’ve told my mom and siblings about it, my brother says I can move in with him until things are settled, but I don’t know how to confront my husband. My sister suggested that they all come over when it happens so that I am safe which I probably will do. Yet I don’t have the proper funds for a divorce lawyer, all I know for now is that I need to leave before I give birth to our baby boy.
The babies stuff is already in a huge bag, I haven’t gotten the energy to put the clothes, bottles, and diapers in the nursery yet. I will give updates on everything that happens. All I’m scared for is my husband finding this account as I know he does scroll through reddit quite a bit. This has put a lot of stress on me and the baby which I can’t handle.
TL;DR: my(F29) husband(M30) of 4 years is cheating on me when I’m 7 months pregnant, I found out 2 weeks ago and I’m trying to leave him but don’t have the proper funds to support me and my baby alone.
12 comments
Send him divorce papers and let him know if he doesn’t get his shit together he needs to pack up and move the fuck out you need to have some fucking self respect and self appreciation divorce him and you can get a judge to make him pay the lawyer fees and the court fees as well as place him on child support any self respecting mother would never allow their child to grow up in such a toxic situation also I’m not cursing to be rude it’s part of my vocabulary
Move in with your brother since he offered.
Seek out local social services for free legal council.
You don’t have to confront him if you don’t want to. Get the evidence and print out a few photos to send him. That’s enough confrontation.
Take care of yourself and your baby.
Personally, I wouldn’t be able to look at him every day. I threw my cheating husband out. Granted I wasn’t pregnant at the time but I hadn’t worked in the 18 years that we were together, I had nothing and no prospects but I’d had enough.
Best of luck to you.
You don’t need to confront him. Just leave. Stay with your brother. He cheated while pregnant the court will favor you.
Once you get all the evidence you need, move out the next time he “goes out”.
Leave his computer open to the file and leave the business card for your lawyer laying on the keyboard. Then block his number.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I wish you and baby all the best.
He will have to pay child support and depending where you live, maybe alimony, so don’t worry about not having money. You can’t live with him now that you know the truth. You are luckier than most women because you have family willing to help. A lot of women are single mothers so you and your baby will be fine.
He would owe you alimony and child support. Get the evidence anyways, and ask around for a lawyer. There are plenty that can offer you advice and worse case scenario is that they are too expensive. I would suggest looking, because there are groups that help for free. And worse case is that they add the lawyer fees into what he owes
Why confront him?
I know this is the father of your child, but he has and still is actively betraying you, do you really want to work this out?
What you should do is copy that evidence you have discovered and go and find a family law lawyer. You should file with them and include an ex parte move out order so you can keep your home to raise your child. You should file for child support, and get help from your family through what will be a difficult time. You will need help. Do you really need the help of someone who has screwed you over like this though? I would say, no, and it is in your best interests to do this formally and legally through the courts. If you have the slightest fear of him in any way I would file a restraining order would would just bring all of the above into a whole different tier, but you may need that, and the law is on your side. I have been on the other side of this from a woman who abused the system with lies, but you do not need to. Tell the truth, tell it to an attorney, and make a secure place for your child. Then find someone who is less of a cheating asshole.
I don’t see any reason to confront him, another Redditor said it better then me, confronting is for if you want to eventually work this out, but why would you. Leaving every other weekend to sleep with someone else, taki g video of it,, lying about where he is and being very secretive. Who wants that for a husband? I would just leave when you’re ready to leave. Leave the name of the lawyer for him. Trust me when I say, your husband will figure it out.
I hope you took pictures of the proof!!
Talk to a divorce lawyer!!
Pack up and leave while he is at the “coworker” outing and leave a note – Bye.
How long is your maternity leave?
Wont*
You CAN but are choosing not to. You have ur reasonings for making that choice. But just to be clear u are making that choice. When u say cant it’s like taking away ur power or autonomy to act for urself and most of all it’s taking away some of the accountability of ur choice.
No judgement on your choice but be clear
I’m so sorry this is happening to you