I (30s M) have been treated differently by most of my extended family since I was a child. I never realized how poorly I had been treated until I started going to my wife’s family events. My wife’s family have been great to me and have always treated me as one of their own. The one person in my extened family that was always good to me was my grandfather who passed away a few years ago.
Now that I have my own kids I have decided that I no longer want to go to family events with my side of the family. My kids are clearly being treated the same way I have been and I refuse to put them through that. My mom continues to be the only one that comes to my kids’ events such as birthdays, school programs, sports…. Nobody else can find the time, and my grandmother has said it’s just too hard for her to do these things without grandpa. Grandma’s reason would be fine if she wasn’t doing all of these things for her other (5) great grandkids, but she never misses any of their events.
There are other things too, like last Christmas during our family gift exchange my middle child (4) was forgotten. He was the only person without a gift, even though we had brought a gift for whomever’s name he had drawn. Grandma handed me an envelope with $20 in it and said “here maybe this will make him stop whining ” after he was crying for being left out. This year we were told to “just do your own kids” for the family gift exchange while everyone else still drew names.
What choice do I have other than cutting everyone other than my mother out of our lives?
TLDR- my kids and myself are treated poorly by my extended family to the point that I think I may have to cut ties with them.
4 comments
That sucks. It must really be tough to feel that. I wish you the best without them and here’s to hoping you’ll soon feel happy you cut them off.
The only suggestion I would do is to not cut the children out. Maybe make up reasons not to go but sometimes invite the cousins over? Kids aren’t to blame for shitty adults and maybe you and your family can be a positive example for them?
when your children become involved in whatever sick game your family is playing, you have no other choice than to cut ties. especially if your kids are young and defenseless. would you rather have your kids know their extended family who treat them like shit or have your kids not know your extended family but they don’t have to deal with bullying. that’s what it comes down to honestly.
Honestly I think going LC or NC might be the healthiest way to go. There doesn’t need to be a big declaration. Just pull back. I don’t mean this to be cruel but: will they miss you? And really would you miss them? Keep including your mom if she’s consistently present and positive.
If they were weird to you but cool to your children I’d say go and let them enjoy but why would you want to expose your child to that? You don’t. Because you’re a good parent.
Lean in to your wife’s family, and build a chosen family of friends. You and your wife and kids will be happier and healthier for it.
stop subjecting yourself and children to them. problem solved.
if they are not living up to your BASIC standards then you REMOVE them.
you are NOT obligated to keep them in ur life.
did anyone ever say why? do they hate ur dad? do u have a differ dad? whats the tea?