My bf (m27) and I (24f) have been together for over 5 years and have a great trust bond. I have a high libido and I’m very interested in kink, where he is more vanilla and has a lower libido.
Even though he is vanilla, he likes experimenting. He has told me that his favorite part about sex with me is that we can experiment and try different things in a safe space.
I really want our sex life to get a bit more kinky, now that we are no longer newly in love, to keep the spark alive. I have some wide interests luckily! But I don’t know how to introduce things to him without feeling like I’m bringing my ideas on him and I know he can easily feel performance pressure and lack of self asteem.
I made him take the cringey kink test just to get an idea about his tastes, cause these are not things he just open up about out of the blue. Now I’m just wondering how I can bring these results into some actions/actual activities. I really don’t expect him to get to my level to libido or anything, I’m just happy to explore with him
I don’t want to make him feel pressured, but I also know he isn’t gonna iniate this on his own. Due to being vanilla but also cause he has raging adhd and struggling to iniate even though he wants to do things, is a huge symptom (also with other things). So I know I have to somehow make things more easily accessible for him/easy to “jump in”. Advice?
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And before you say “just talk about it” – it’s done! That’s why I know he wants to experiment and try new things but he doesn’t know where to get started. We have talked about some specific activities we want to try, but haven’t done it yet.
Stop trying to sext me and dming me it’s gross
My partner and I both have ADHD, I’ve never known this to affect sex life…?
The only way to change vanilla, is to warm it up and gently stir in another flavour; I find lust is a good cure for shyness. Get them worked up first, then have a conversation.
I’d say the rest depends on what kink you’re introducing him to.
Well, you can kind of introduce and idea *mildly* and see if his response is a good indicator on if he likes it or not.
Example; he expressed an interest in bondage.
Well, maybe don’t begin with bringing home a truckload of rope, collars, fix points for the walls and all that.
Instead start easy. Buy some silk ribbon, about two inches wide. Long enough that you can make four pieces that tie on the legs underneath the bed and reach a good portion of the distance from the corners into the middle of the bed. So that someone can comfortably be tied spread eagle on the bed.
Then find out if he prefers to be tied up first or if he prefers to tie you up first. And try them both.
I guess my point is that if you go all in on something, it may be intimidating. But if you go at it mildly, it’s not as easily overwhelming him.
Try to apply a similar reasoning to all the things he suggested that he’s interested in. Dip your toes in the water, instead of going all in in a way that makes it impossible to pull the brakes.