Not going to bore all of you with stuff about how we met so I’m just going to get into it cause it honestly makes me want to throw up just thinking about it.
Long story short, me and my girlfriend were hanging out with some friends and we’re getting drunk and ended up playing truth or dare. And when she picked truth, someone asked her what her favorite sex position was. She answered with a position that as far as I know doesn’t have a specific name and described it in relatively vivid detail. This is a position we’ve never done so I was a bit upset that she never wanted to try it with me and i was definitely hurt but I ignored it for the sake of the night. Once we got home I asked her about it and she said that the position leaves a fair amount of the dick out, and that because mine was smaller, she wouldn’t be able to move on it properly and she would only really be trying to maneuver on the head of penis, whereas her ex was much bigger so he was still able to fill her up and hit the right spots even in that position.
This obviously destroyed me and that must’ve been obvious on my face cause she immediately tried to console me. She-said that sex with me is still great and that it’s ok we can’t do everything together she did with him, and that there were still other things we could try. She said that she was happy with our sex life and my size was enough for her, just not for that position. When she woke up she apologized for telling me about it and mentioning something from A past lover with me there. She probably wouldn’t have but she was drunk and hadn’t had the forethought to consider how I would feel about it
I want to believe her, but I just can’t. Our relationship is great outside of this and I’m very attentive in bed. I give her head, do lots of foreplay and am largely focused on her pleasures because I enjoy it. However I’m not really able to shake the feeling that I’m actually inadequate and that she’s saying I’m good/big enough just because she likes the other things about our relationship and that secretly she wishes I was her ex. It’s not even like the ex was some douchebag, things didn’t work between them, but I know the guy and he’s a pretty decent dude. I don’t know what to do, the idea of having sex with her just feels almost revolting at this point and my insecurities are spiking. What can I do to try to move past this? Or is it a lost cause?
Edit: for All of you making jokes saying I’m immature and that size isn’t everything. I know, and it’s not the fact that he was bigger that’s the problem, but that he was BETTER. And I can’t hope to replicate it, because I wasn’t born with enough.
Edit 2: everyone saying, it doesn’t matter because now she’s with me and if she wanted him she’d still be with him is just wrong. The breakup was mutual, but initiated by him and even if she wanted him to stay he wouldn’t have. She understood why it had to happen but he was the one who was ready to move on first.
32 comments
Damn dude. That sucks. I’d feel the exact same way as you. I don’t have any advice from experience but shit the success of this relationship probably comes down to if you really love her and can get over this mindfuck to the point where it doesn’t interfere with your relationship, chemistry, and sex life. Good luck brother.
Are we talking prone bone here ?
I don’t think women often understand how sensitive a subject dick size is for men. Like you can call us fat, ugly, stupid, but if you make us feel self conscious about our dicks or performance in bed, it can destroy us.
It really was a careless comment by her. Did she call your dick “small”? Or just smaller than her ex? I’m not sure what I’d do in your situation honestly. It would kill me too. But she seems genuinely remorseful and immediately realized she made a mistake, so I think that’s important to realize
…. So what position was it?
From a woman’s perspective (and moving past the fact that it was a drunk oops to have talked about it …) …. People will always find different things they like with different people. It doesn’t make you inadequate. I had an ex who did this one specific move that felt incredible and I’ve tried to replicate it with 3 other people and it was never the same. But I had some other favourite with each of those other people. There have been partners I liked being on top while others I didn’t like that as much as I liked being on the side and some the side did nothing for me and I liked counter, and some that didn’t work for me and I liked being on the bottom. Like each partner is different. But each were good and each had something about them that was my favourite thing to do with them. If I’m being honest Ive never really …. Replicated two experiences of sex with different people. Even if two guys had the exact same size length height all of it …. The sexual vibe and tone might be different.
I’m going to encourage you to forget about it and instead have some fun discovering her new favourite with you 😉 have fun with it. You’re the guy who’s with her now. You’re the one she’s counting on to have fun with, explore with and be comfortable with.
So, what was said was said. Theres no unhearing it. You need to decide if she is worth working through your own feelings about this. Be honest with yourself. Can you get over it? Will time help you?
I’m sure anyone could reasonably feel hurt after hearing that. But also realize you do offer things to her and the relationship that he never could or did, otherwise she wouldn’t be with you. I won’t lie, there have been past exes with whom I had more exciting sex with than my current bf, but a lot of them were toxic and I wouldn’t trade any of that for what I have with him. I’d say, ask her what her favorite position is with you and open up a conversation about if she’d like to explore more or if the two of you can explore together and experience something new. Also ask yourself if you’ve had better sex in the past before you met/ got with her. Sometimes sexual experiences are different with different people because what we have with them means something else, and that isn’t bad. And if you really think about it, let’s just say hypothetically she wasn’t completely fulfilled with what you could offer her sexually and she stayed with you anyway. Who’s problem is that at the end of the day? Hint, it’s hers and not yours. If she wanted something more or wanted to change things, she can voice that to you.
I’m kind of surprised by how many people are saying that you might need to end it. From what I see, she said something insensitive, you guys talked about it, she realized it was insensitive and apologized for saying it. This of course is with a disclaimer that I wasn’t there so I don’t know 100%, but that seems like a really good and healthy relationship between the two of you. I wouldn’t be quick to give that up. (Though of course this is up to you and how you feel about the relationship going forward)
Literally no sex position or dick size is worth more than a good relationship. There’s a reason why she’s with you and not the other guy. You guys will have something together that she will not get from another guy.
People compare things naturally, especially if they have previous experience. What’s better now and what you miss about the other thing. If you have an ex there’a probably at least one thing you prefered about the other relationship, but that doesn’t mean in any way that you would go back to it. People are people, normal, flawed, and never exactly what their partner wants. Wanting to be 100% everything she wants is unrealiatic, and I don’t think she expects that of you.
I’m sorry that you had to hear that though. No one likes being told they are less than anyone. My honest advice is just focus on what’a great about you. You have good communication with her clearly. You can even ask her to tell you what she likes about you. It’s always good to have a reminder when you feel insecure.
For me the problem is she doesn’t even want to try the position with you????Like she’s sure it’s undoable without trying . That would hurt the most for me how dismissive she is.
That’s rough buddy
but seriously what move was it???
ok OP. i will tell you a story because i know we dont agree on the matter. But I can empathize with the awkwardness of it. I have been dating my bf for about a year now and one of the first times we went camping with his friend group they were all drinking around the fire and i dont know how it got started but his friend was asking the group something along the lines of where was the craziest place you’ve ever had sex. Ok 1. its always slightly awkward to hear about sex stories that you arent in involved in. and 2. what was shared was sort of … i dont know. my boyfriends ex really liked rough sex – when the group was talking about it they were all in agreeable like “oh yeah no she was crazy wild” and he was like seriously though. she wanted to be choked out and i was on top of her and feeling kind of weird about it because i felt like i was going to hurt her and she just kept screaming choke me! choke me! choke me! harder! and i know they broke furniture doing it lol.
sooo. thats not my style. i dont enjoy being choked, i dont love having my hair pulled, and i dont really want to fuck so rough that we are breaking tables. So every now and then i will admit i look at him and wonder if thats what he wants lol. Ive asked him. hes said no. but we are also experiencing a dead bedroom atm. (where his libido is just gone. since moving in together) so im in my head about it a lot. There were times when we’ve had sex and he’d try to pull my hair and it immediately makes me think that he’s thinking about her because ive told him i dont love that.
so i get that you can get in your head comparing yourself and your sex life to exes. But honestly. these topics come up weirdly often as you date people. its like riskay when people are drinking to talk about all this stuff. I really really encourage you to embrace your own experience with her. It sounds like your an amazing and attentive partner. im positive she is completely happy with you.
It’s normal to not be everything in bed to your partner. What matters is effort, comfort and willingness. I don’t have big breasts so boob jobs are out of the picture. I’m not crazy flexible so certain positions are out too.
But! I do have certain qualities that are unique and the enthusiasm I bring is sexy. That’s what matters to me. Be confident. Lack of confidence kills it.
Exes are exes for a reason.
I’ve had partners above average, a small fingers length and a vagina 🤷♀️. Doesn’t really matter. What matters is their passion for me and my passion for them.
A bunch of women gaslighting and insulting OP for understandably being hurt his significant other made a crass remark.
Shocking. WoRk oN yOuR inSeCuRiTies, OP, you misogynistic pig!
Damn the fact that she mentioned her past sex life as a truth dare in front of others while you were there is ultra disrespectful. Hopefully those negative emotions will come to pass but if you can’t get over it your relationship will suffer as a result. It’s not even my relationship and I can feel the sting on that one, good luck, man. Trust your gut on this one.
Alcohol brings truth. Don’t forget that.
OP I suggest trying to separate your feelings of insecurity from the circumstances surrounding your gf sharing what she did. It sounds like you feel (justifiably) betrayed but at the end of the day you’re going to have a better read on your sexual compatibility than any posters here.
What’s fucked imo is that she told them something that you two had never covered, setting you up to feel like that. It’s like if you talked about a *favorite* position you could only enjoy with an ex with larger than average boobs, and sprung that on her in polite company.
It’s not the end of the world and like other posters have said, it doesn’t reflect on her satisfaction with you, just a really inconsiderate slip up on her part. There’s middle ground between the ‘dump her’ cries and the peeps just implying you’re insecure and wrong
>she said that the position leaves a fair amount of the dick out, and that because mine was smaller, she wouldn’t be able to move on it properly and she would only really be trying to maneuver on the head of penis, **whereas her ex was much bigger so he was still able to fill her up and hit the right spots even in that position.**
Is your girlfriend dumb or just plain stupid? Because, even if it were true, why on earth would she say that to you, her CURRENT partner, if she wasn’t trying to hurt you?
I would definitely ask for space/limited contacto process the disrespect, unintentional or not.
EDIT: the comments would be much different if the genders were reversed. No one wants to be told their parts aren’t enough for their partner. I’m sorry, OP. Your feelings are 100% justified.
I doubt this is going to make you feel better but literally no person is perfect and even though obviously we all wish we could be every thing to our partner, usually we come up short at some point. It doesn’t sound like sex with you is bad, just that you guys can’t do this *one* position. If I met a man who made me happy and the trade off was my favorite sex position (as long as the sex overall was good), I would agree in a fucking heart beat.
If you don’t mind me asking, what was the position?
Most of the female commenters are telling op to get over it but I imagine if the roles were reversed and it was guy who told his gf that his ex had the best feeling 🐱
Nobody would be making light of it
From my experience once guys lose that attraction or confidence in a relationship it never goes back to normal.
It rough but Fuck it, just try to move on. There isn’t really gone be much, we can say to change that feeling.
If you have a little experience in relationships and sex, youll find there’s a lot of this. If I could take all the positives from every ex, I could build the perfect woman. They all had their own pros and cons, just as we all do.
I get that this is a major kick in the nuts, but did you think you were the best at – everything? You’re the best at EVERYTHING that she needs?
Probably not.
So we found a place in which a guy she doesn’t want has an advantage. So? Do you think there arent other areas where you’re not #1 in and out of the bedroom? Aren’t there areas in which your exes or hookups have been better? Does it make you care about her any less?
Nobody is perfect. You need to get this shit out of your head, or it’s going to ruin your relationship. It sounds like you definitely are able to please her, so relax. Maybe you cant replicate Mr Horsecock, but few can. Just know, if you dont get over this, it’ll drive her away and into the arms of some other (likely average sized) dude.
Drunk thoughts are sober thoughts with courage added to it. Lol
This is kind of an end of relationship worthy imo. I don’t think the women replying understand how sensitive most guys are about this kind of thing and it’s just gonna further fuck his self esteem if it bothered him that much in the first place. You don’t just forget and move on from that kind of a thing.
So the only real difference here to what you had before was it being verbalised (particularly in a group), which was then fixed by her apologising for it straight away and what seems like, genuinely.
Think about what life was like before this though, she still knew that about the sex and that position specifically but still wants to be with you and not her ex, regardless. What you’ve got to realise here is that you didn’t think about her having sex with other guys before, so don’t start now. At the end of the day, when she gets naked, you don’t think about the other girls you’ve slept with and when you’re naked (and during sex), she isn’t thinking about the other guys either…
It’s something we’ve all got to get over when dealing with a new partner at a later stage of life. Understanding that they’ve had previous sexual encounters and partners and that actually, we benefit from that because no one actually wants a virgin who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Her having experience is good for you and you’ve gotta get over the “previous partners” thing and other sexual parts to move forward. If you think about her having sex with other people when she is laying there right in front of you, willing and exciting to receive you’re penis, then that is a you problem my friend and not hers.
You must internalise, reflect, understand and move forward.
Given the way you explained it, it doesn’t sound like she actually said that sex with him was “better”. She mentioned a single position that she enjoyed with him, but can’t with you due to logistical reasons. With the exception of that one thing, it sounds like the sex between you two is still great, and you clearly still satisfy her.
Now, how do you get past this? Well you’re the only one who can really answer that question. While what she said wasn’t exactly the wisest choice, she did what she could to best explain it for you. But still, if you haven’t already, you two need to sit down and have a real conversation about how the whole thing has you feeling, and figure it out from there. When it comes down to it though, while she may be there help you through it, your insecurities are yours to deal with and figure out. But if you feel that you can’t get past it, then the relationship may already be over. I can promise you though, in the long run, this one thing will not matter in the slightest.
Fuck man, that’s bull shit. At the end of the day, you have two options. If the relationship is good (great?) then you need to chalk it up to a careless and hurtful comment, and forgive her.
If the relationship isn’t great, I would be suspicious she did this to hurt you, push you away, or otherwise instigate a break up. I certainly would not fault you for breaking up with her over this.
My boy you gotta bounce. All the women in here telling you not to be insecure, has partial truth but it’s mostly BS. They are not men and don’t know how we think/ feel. Yes you need to be comfortable with the fact that there will always be bigger dudes/ or smaller dudes your partner has been with, but by no means does that mean her EXs size should EVER be a mention. Reverse the roles, and imagine you spoke about your ex’s head game or sex game. It would be repulsive.
You know deep down, this could potential eat you alive and that’s why you’re on Reddit posting the question. Get out, work on your insecurities and meet someone else who will not talk about their ex “filling” them more lol. Comparison is the thief of joy. Drinking brings out truth… you know what to do.
The fact she said it out loud with other people in vivid detail means she subconsciously misses her ex-boyfriend and their sex life together. The alcohol just gave her liquid courage to say it out loud.
I would say pack it up ngl. If they “let it slip” when they were drunk, that’s how they really feel. Work on yourself , try to have better sex with someone else
Damn. I don’t really have any advice for you. That must feel horrible.
What an absolute shitty thing to say a partner. I am not normally insecure in any way, but that would really fuck with my head.
Sorry you have to deal with such an inconsiderate partner.
If you can’t get passed how that fucks with your head, no one can blame you, and you should break up with her.
It’s not a maturity thing, it’s a “her lacking consideration for your feelings” thing. Yeah, there’s honesty, but this comes down to a thing that you can’t change no matter what you do, and now you know that. So by her stating that sex with the ex was better, because he was bigger, then she’s just dealt you an obstacle you can’t ever get past. And that is what will shut down sex with a guy forever and kill a relationship. Sex and being on the same wavelength about it is important to a relationship, and she just ‘ole yellered’ that part of the relationship.
I’d say Game Over, good bye, because she doesn’t consider the feelings of her partner.
EDIT: Words