My GF and I have been together for about 10 months. Don’t live together and we normally mostly see eachother on the weekends.
Last friday my grandmother unfortunately died after being hospitalized and slowly declining for 5 days. Me and my family spent a lot of time in the hopsital and stayed with her as much as possible. I have the incredible fortune that I have never experienced a loss before and that all people around me are alive and healthy, so this was a completly new experience for me. My GF did want to come and visit when my grandmother was in the hospital, but I said that I didn’t want it since I have a hard time dealing with my emotions and was trying to deal with the prospect of losing someone. She seemed reluctant, but ultimately seemed to accept my wishes.
However, friday was also her birthday. My grandmother died early in the morning and I visited my GF later that morning for a few hours. I didn’t bring her a gift, since I spent all my time the past week either in the hospital or at work. We spent a few hours together, but I was unable to attend the party she threw that night for her friends (and SO’s) since I went back home to grief with my family and was not at all in the party mood. She started crying and said that she didn’t like that I went home etc.
On Saturday she called me again (crying and angry) saying that she didn’t feel “special”, I didn’t bring her a gift yet, that it was “only” my grandmother, I should have allowed her to come the past week, etc. I tried to empathize with her and console her, but got more and more annoyed as the call went one. For context: I was visiting my grandfather and the rest of the family, after just visiting the morgue. She was aware of this.
Since I am still griefing and having hard time dealing with the loss, I don’t know what to do or how to react. Of course, I could have (and maybe should have) done things different (i.e. prioritized buying here a gift), but I don’t feel like I am in the wrong here. Or am I? How should I react?
What annoys (and worries) me currently the most is that the ‘non acceptance’ of my choices/flaws seems to be a recurring theme. Of course, I make mistakes, could/should do things differently, etc., however she constantly points them out and/or disagrees with the choices that I make. For example, when I don’t tip the right amount in a restaurant, fold clothes in the wrong way, etc. When we have more heated discussions/arguments about these things she always refers to her ex and the ‘bad’ things that he did and how that made her feel. So far I have always tried to act ‘cool’ and tried to empathize/explain my rational but it gets increasingly more difficult to keep my mouth shut. I also feel increasingly less accepted and ‘not good enough’.
Even though I think it is healthy to critize your SO’s choices/flaws to a certain extent, I want my girlfriend to be bit more accepting. Especially during the difficult time I go through currently. I have tried to discuss this with her on a few occassions, but so far to no effect. What should I do? Any advice?
Thanks for reading so far and I appreciate any advice that you may have!
TL;DR! Feeling like my girlfriend doesn’t accept my choices/flaws and it increasingly starts to bother me. Especially now that I am going through a difficult time.. How should I convey to my girlfriend that I need her to be more accepting of me?
2 comments
This is pretty wildly immature and selfish of your gf. I think that I’d take this red flag plus the other nitpicking she does, plus her talking about her ex all the time, and just take it as a sign that this is not the relationship to be in. Ultimately, it feels like this relationship is probably going nowhere anyway, and getting mad at you (calling you crying) because you didn’t bring her a birthday gift on the day your Grandmother died is just an absolutely shit move.
The only thing you should convey to her is that you are no longer her boyfriend. She’s a selfish monster. Sorry about your nan.