Edit 2: okay thanks everyone. I get it, I’m an idiot and do not know about women’s bodies. It’s not “loose” she’s just wetter now and makes it seem that way. I guess it’s a good thing we’ve been together 20 years and I’m still able to light her fire. Thanks for the responses, you can quit calling me stupid.

Edit: title should say more difficult for me to COMPLETE

I don’t mean this to be offensive or insensitive to any women, because apparently some find this offensive.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and sex has never been an issue. We’ve had a great sex life. She has birthed 3 kids, youngest 6 years ago.

In the past year I’ve noticed that sex is becoming more difficult for me to get off vaginally because there’s so little friction down there. She gets very wet and feels like she has gotten more loose.

So I thought it was just me and I was losing sensitivity down there as I get older but I used a sex toy (flesh light) for the first time a couple weeks ago and I realized that no, I haven’t lost any sensitivity, I’ve become used to less pleasurable sex.

Why is this happening and is there something we can do to fix it? I haven’t yet brought it up to her because I’ve been reading online and some women find this very offensive so I was going to get opinions first, I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

And cheating isn’t a concern I’m not worried some other man has “stretched” her out or anything.

32 comments

  1. I believe there can be many reasons, but just to clarified, woman don’t get loose or stretched by having sex with a bigger dude.
    Some reasons could be you are not having as strong erections so your girth is not as it used to be. She is not contracting or doing kegels, or there is extra wetness that makes it less sensitive. It might be due to age on both sides

  2. Get ready for the pitchforks!

    But seriously, people need to talk about this shit with their partners.

    “Hey babe, recently I’ve been having difficult orgasming during vaginal sex. It feels like I am less sensitive. I’m not sure if I’m just getting older, if there isn’t enough friction to stimulate me, or what. Will you explore this with me, and help me figure out ways to increase pleasure during vaginal intercourse?”

    Who knows, maybe she’ll say “yeah, I’ve noticed that I don’t feel you as much. Let’s work on it.”

    Clear, open, honest communication. Always.

  3. Are you sure she’s actually more loose and it’s not just a LOT of lubrication? It’s possible she’s just really, really wet and that’s what’s causing you to experience such little friction.

    It would be anomalous for her to suddenly become looser at this point–six years after giving birth. Peri-menopause typically causes there to be more friction. Sometimes there’s less vaginal texture after menopause, but with your wife’s age, it’s unlikely she’s there yet.

  4. Fleshlights are tighter than a human vagina and they have a vacuum which obviously a real vagina doesn’t. So please don’t use a fleshlight as the basis for what you think your wife “should” feel like.

    The vagina is a muscle and like any other muscle it can lose tone and strength with aging and hormone changes. One of the common causes of this at your wife’s age is perimenopause. It has nothing to do with how much sex he has had with you or anyone else.

    Try different positions that might result in a tighter feel, like doggy or side-lying with her legs together. Ask her to use her pelvic floor muscles to squeeze you during sex.

  5. Kegels and strengthening pelvic floor muscles will definitely help. Alternatively making her cum hard frequently also tightens the pelvic muscles.

  6. For the love of God ignore anyone suggesting just kegals.

    First things first: it’s literally never a good idea to only train one isolated muscle. It can create imbalances. One should train the entire pelvic floor. Pelvic floor physical therapy moves can be very helpful, one can find many online.

    Maybe try working out together and incorporating those moves?

    And when it comes to doing kegals; doing them appropriately matters (with your breath, with standing, etc) not just randomly.

    Things that can promote poor pelvic floor health include: peeing in the shower, sitting on the toilet for extended times (no phone scrolling!), and being overweight.

  7. its possible that she is just more comfortable with you now and her muscles are relaxing to accept you in.

  8. I don’t know if it’s relevant but given the wife’s age and change in periods, could she be going through menopause?
    Not sure if it changes things physically but might be worth considering

  9. Women can’t be “stretched” out. That’s like arguing that a man tugging on his penis makes it longer. Men really need to take a 6th grade health class and learn this.

    If anything, it could come down to a couple things: her pelvic floor muscles are not as toned and/or she’s much wetter. These things naturally vary and change as people age.

    She could tone her PF muscles through a variety of means, such as working out in general, or visiting a pelvic floor physical therapist to identify specifics. She probably doesn’t need a PF PT unless things are really bad, and this just sounds like a mild inconvenience to you. Tone changes. Sometimes after childbirth some muscles just don’t tense as much as they used to or are torn, she could be more relaxed in some positions, sometimes people just get out of shape, other times it’s just the body aging. Oftentimes, the pelvic floor tenses up more with foreplay, so try more of that and see if it has an effect.

    As far as the wetness, it could be hormonal, could just be changes in the body over time. but more lubrication means less friction. Work with what you’ve got.

    Be careful about any suggestion regarding a focus on “kegels”, [even with instruction, about half of women do “kegels” incorrectly](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1872333/) or don’t need them, so it makes things worse.

    Ultimately though, and **I say this as a Physical Therapy student working on my doctorate and planning on specializing in pelvic care, don’t listen to strangers on the internet who are trying to make shot in the dark suggestions based off of someone’s description about someone else**. Even all my advice has “maybe”, “possible”, “sometimes”, or “could be” with it. I am saying everything with a massive caveat, and I am formally more educated on this topic than nearly everyone commenting on this thread. Only your wife with the guidance of a specialist can really determine an issue, and the likely response will be “That’s just what happens with aging”.

    I highly recommend you just mention to your wife that she seems wetter over the last year and that it takes you longer to finish (no judgment), and ask if she’s noticed anything. Acknowledgement allows open dialogue, and maybe you can try a variety of positions or techniques to see if it changes things for you and/or her. Talking to your partner is much more effective than random advice from anonymous strangers on the internet.

  10. People don’t often talk about this, but at her age, she is likely hornier than she’s ever been. This is a pretty common thing for women hitting their 40s, it’s really like a libido peak for many if not most women.

    You can try literally drying some of the excess lubrication with a towel before sex, as I suspect that’s causing a lot of this issue for you. Also she may be slightly less wet if she’s had alcohol to drink (not to suggest she start drinking, but if she already does and you time it right). Whatever you do don’t add more lube lol

  11. I think you said a lot to explain it just by addressing how wet she gets. I’ve started getting much wetter in the last couple years and I’m about the same age as your wife. The increased wetness definitely reduces the friction and could be making it seem looser.

    When you’re ready to cum, after other positions and she’s gotten off already or whatever, if you fuck her in prone bone does that help at all? She could keep her legs together and then with her pubic bone positioned to stroke the underside and most sensitive parts of your cock, I’d imagine that would start the fire. My partner gets really turned on by fucking me in that position anyway. Spreading my ass, squeezing it. It’s a good position for him to just absolutely beast me too – just fuck as hard as he wants to – because I’m laying in bed in a comfortable position already.

    It is possible your erections are playing a part. At our age, they may not be as durable and reliable as they used to be. My partner deals with that too. If he’s not as hard and thick all throughout, that plus the extra wetness I’m creating, it does change the feel. He’s been taking Viagra even though he’s not what you’d typically think of as an erectile dysfunction case and it is a big help.

  12. Something to consider: The vagina can become “loose” when a woman is comfortable or relaxed.

  13. Sounds like a perimenopause thing.

    You’ve already gotten a lot of good advice so far, I’m not a big fan of the “have her do Kegels” advice as that takes a long time to build up.

    A possible quick and easy solution would be to have her wear a butt plug while you fuck her pussy (if she’s comfortable/agrees to it.)

    My bf has remarked how tight it feels down there when I have one in. Heck, I can feel it myself. It’s sexy and fun as hell.

  14. Use a vibrator on her clitoris while you penetrate. Then Marvel at how those muscle clamp down around you😁 Women don’t get loser over time. What I’ve noticed, is that after my GF orgasms, all the tension inside dissipates. And it feels loser in there. If she’s not clenching her vaginal muscles, it’s gonna be loser. My GF will squeeze them together on me right after I cum fir a little added sensation.

  15. Yeah, “stretching out” isn’t really a thing, lol. Glad you’re not concerned about that. She is more aroused than before, most likely, which ofc causes less friction. Take it as a good sign and move on. Maybe focus more on getting her off, more play, wipe it off and stick it back in….

  16. When women are extremely turned on her vagina becomes less tight. The tighter she is the less turned on she is.🤷‍♀️

  18. > She gets very wet and feels like she has gotten more loose.

    I believe that an excited vagina is looser than a less excited one. Perhaps she’s enjoying herself more and more lately (maybe you’ve become a better lover?), so maybe that’s what you’re noticing?

  20. Woman can push a enter fucking baby head out their hoha- that shit expands natural especially when aroused and wet

  24. It’s also worth saying that men often lose some… sexual ability around age 40. Ask me how I know.

  25. also, almost everyone here, you also, are talking about her changes. you will also change. yeah i know you said all same tight fleshlight. but if not now, you will change. much harder to cum as age. so, is worth start explore solutions now, for other ways for pleasure both of you.

    you have already changed since teen, just slow gradual change for men, might not notice.

    for example, when 15, my girlfriend could kiss me, and I’d cum in my pants. and be ready for more in 15 minutes. that is history.

    first, consider yourself super lucky, many by your age, length relationship, have very little or no sex. so focus on that it IS working. because does not take much push one or both of you into self shame, and all sex will stop.

    careful how you move forward on this.

  26. Are you getting fully hard? I had a fitness and overweight problem for a while and thought the same thing.

    I realised I was getting hard enough for penetration but not ‘bulging hard fully engorged with blood’ When I got fit and my erections improved, she felt tight again.

  28. I’m not trying to offend, but that’s hot AF. Maybe it’s just me, but I get really turned on when my woman gets soaked. It’s just something about knowing she is so turned on. It just makes me hornier. Lol. Not only that, but it’s much easier to put it in. Maybe I’m just a weirdo.

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