I met a guy on an a dating app, he seemed a really nice guy and actually wanted to take things slow. I was surprised he wasn’t even implying sex, he talked about wanting a relationship and not just a hookup, we met 3 times and talked every day for 4 weeks and all we did during those date were pecks and hugging. I’m usually used with the guy taking initiative when it comes to “physical” stuff but I found it refreshing that this guy seemed so much into just getting to know me as a person. He made me slowly get really involved into him.
Then his texts became dry so I thought, fine, I won’t text him anymore and wait to see what his response is going to be like. He stopped texting completely. I waited 8 days and I finally texted him “hey I was just wondering, why did you lose interest in me all of a sudden?” and he replied to me saying that he’s now in a relationship and I’m a really nice and beautiful girl and hopes I’ll find someone? At first I though he’s finding a way to reject me and made up some reason but 2 days later he posted a photo with her?
Wtf? I was so confused, he found a new relationship in 8 days? After I invested a month in getting to know who him as a human being, building attraction but not really having sex? (As none of us initiated it)
9 comments
“Is this how it works” that’s how dating works, what he missed was communicating but ghosting seems to be the thing now, and has been for a while. You date, at the same time you’re meeting others and keeping options open if not exclusive. Could just as easily been someone he was previously talking to that resurfaced as opposed to a new match in the past 8 days. But yeah, things can change in the blink of an eye in the first few dates when nothing has been established
Ex GF perhaps
Sounds like he was seeing this other girls for some time before you met and they became serious. Not just OLD but this is usually how dating works. yes.
In general yes that’s how dating works, with the exception that he should have told you that he found someone else versus just essentially ghosting until you messaged him about it.
I wish I could tell you something else but that’s how online dating works. It’s a toxic place and not good for your confidence.
Instead of the slow fade, it would have been nice if he said, “I was enjoying our connection but I am looking for something different” or something of that nature. It’s likely he was dating around and not exclusive and then became exclusive. His lack of communication is a red flag so, hopefully, you dodged a long term bullet.
Most likely he didn’t find her in those eight days, he probably was already seeing her when you two had the first date. A lot of people date multiple people at once before settling down with one of them. If you two never had the exclusivity talk, then you can’t assume you’re the only one he was seeing.
He was seeing the other girl before he met you, but just dating as well.
Yeah this is how it works. I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive, but I would date several guys at once. When one would get more serious I would text the other ones that I wasn’t interested anymore. It’s hard to do though cause it’s such an awkward text to send, but I didn’t like ghosting if it had been more than one date.
It’s sucks whether you’re the sender or the receiver, but everyone gets to experience both. I got rejected too and it sucked, BUT online dating is kind of like speed dating. You date a bunch of people at once and try to whittle down the count. THEN even if you think you found the one you might have to throw them back in to because something happens or gets revealed that’s not good. Then you get to start all over 🤪
It can work well though. I found my fiancé online dating and plenty of my friends found their partners through bumble and such. It’s a numbers game. And dating is a game. You don’t always win, but you lose every game you don’t play.
I highly doubt he was only seeing you during that month. She was already in the picture and felt a stronger desire for her. That’s pretty normal.