Hello. I want to finally apologize to some of my ex-friends for ending our friendship so abruptly and unresolved. This isn’t the kind of ‘ghosting’ where one of us just left us hanging in the air and disappeared completely. Oh that’s the term: I left our friendship feud hanging in the air. And I feel guilty for not trying to talk it out.
TL;DR : I realized I misunderstood my friends’ actions that led me to backstab them twice and i ended our friendship without any resolve or explanation— I ‘ghosted’. I want to make amends so I can finally let this off my chest, but I’m too mortfied and scared. Maybe I don’t want my ego hurt? It’s up to them if they still want to be friends with me, I’ll accept any decision. I don’t need anything, I just want to say sory.
To avoid being doxxed, I’ll try not to mention some things. So I’m sorry.
So we had a cold war prior to when it just ended. I forgot what it was about 💀 but I think it’s because these friends of mine are starting to get touchy with each other and I started adding malicious meaning to it when there’s actually nothing going on. Now that I’m thinking about it, there’s nothing wrong with that I believe. What probably infuriated me back then was that I’m thinking they’re talking behind my back and making fun of me and really they’re not. They’re the kindest and most fun people I’ve met and would not even stab me in the back— but I did, just because I was assuming things. And I was so wrong. And they did say sorry to me that I was frustrated about them, and then we were okay for a while. I told them how I was hurt by their actions, but I didn’t tell them how I might have just misunderstood things— and this is I wanted to say to them right now.
It was long ago, so I forgot what caused another cold war (in my head). I stopped talking to this friend all of a sudden, and ignored their messages. Same with the other. And it just ended… we kind of became a laughingstock and a rumor across the whole class. Even I am wondering what caused me to sever my ties with them in high school and since then I never had a solid friend group. 🙁
I’m happy right now, and I’m sure they are too. I do have good friends and it’s the same for them. I might not need them anymore and it’s probably the same for their part. If they do not want to be friends with my anymore, it’s totally fine. If they do want, I’ll accept it. I just want to say sorry but my ego is so hard enough to even say things. And I’m doing better now, and I have to do things right. I have already improved myself, by being vocal with my feelings, and I think I need to be held accountable for whatever ended our friendship.
And I miss them. It isn’t the kind of ghosting where we just drifted away from each other. It just stopped. On their side, it stopped and didn’t know why. It’s the opposite for me, I knew why. I just left our battles hanging in the air. A little bird did tell me what this friend thinks of me: they said I was taking their jokes seriously and got offended. They also said they did not know why I stopped talking. Probably, right. And I never told them, totally my fault. I stopped talking because I feel betrayed. And it was all in my head. I think my friends never did betray me at all.
It’s been years and I don’t want any burdens on me and on them. I just don’t know how to say sorry… especially when I’m so so guilty and mortified of flying away instead of fighting.
One of them ex-friends in question actually communicated back with me, with just a simple congratulatory message. And I greeted them a happy birthday. And that’s just it. We’re acquaintances (again), but I want to be friends with them again. If they don’t want to anymore, it’s fine. It scares the fuck out of me, should I just do it anyway? I mean, in such a random time of the year? 🤡😂
Please help me what to say 😭 I plan to say it over text… 🥹
1 comment
I’m going to be honest. If they’ve moved on, I would let it be. You can feel free to maybe start commenting “Congratulations! You look great!” etc and other non committal things on their socials, or refollow them if you haven’t already.
But the thing is, I’m hearing a lot of I statements. That you want to message them so you can move on, so you can clear your conscious. A true apology comes to help the other person, not to help you feel better about something bad that you did.
(Also from what I’ve seen on this subreddit, some people are firm on what they want to do, even after hearing feedback. So if you are 110% firm on “i WILL message them”, for the sake of respecting them and whereever they may be in their life, ask first if they would be comfortable hearing an apology, or talking about *whatever went down*)
Best of luck!