TW: Mention of domestic abuse.
Long fkn story short, I was seeing a narcissist “Kyle” (didn’t figure it out fully until recently) and the dating was thankfully fucked off months ago by me💕 I unfortunately lost my best friend “Laura” because I got too claustrophobic from the amount of belittling and judgment I got from her and told her I hated it and I wanted it to stop and that she could not help me. This relationship with “Kyle” had to be stopped by ME as I’ve known for my whole life that people forcing me to do things to get better actually worsened my motivation to actually get better. That whole speech “people need to WANT to get better to get better” kind of thing is quite true, well in my case at the very least.
As soon as me and “Laura” parted ways over a fight about me asserting that I needed her to back up a little from my personal doings, I actually had a clearer headspace and basically cut “Kyle” off. (Obviously it took me a few attempts the whole duration of the relationship but a win’s a win).
My thoughts lie with my friendship with “Laura”. Because this is actually not the first time I’ve encountered this situation. I’ve actually been the FRIEND to another close friend “Mandy” [F 20] who was in a domestic violence dispute and still loved her partner but I decided not to judge her so harshly because I thought that if I did, I would just lose her. Everyone else around her would get so upset with her and keep pounding her with judgement. And it’s fucking rough ENOUGH to be judged when you’re already in a horrible situation mentally and physically. So I stayed close and I just listened. She new my negative opinion towards her situation but that was that and I felt that I didn’t need to give her more stress. I would only make sure that I’d would know what’s going on in that relationship and keep an eye on her. “Mandy” actually left her abusive ex, without any pushing from me, on her OWN accord. She has a beautiful new partner now.
Anyways, these are the questions I have. What are your thoughts on leaving a friend who is clearly mentally not in the right place? Especially if they are unfortunately being influenced by a bad person. Would leaving them alone with this horrible person be somewhat heinous?
Disclaimer: I know the lot about boundaries and how people distance themselves as to not get themselves into unhealthy spots. But I would love to see everyone else’s perspectives with this kind of situation. It’s a very common situation with abusive relationships.
TL;DR
This is to ask about what support should look like in terms of having a friend who is in an emotionally manipulative relationship/abusive relationship.
1 comment
Literally your disclaimer. Abusive relationships damage your friends too. I know I cannot watch my friends suffer when they refuse to get help, they refuse to listen to anything and keep suffering. If that’s my position, I start getting depressed and anxious.
It’s not the victim’s fault, but staying away from there for your own mental health is completely justified. So, no, just with what you said I think your friend is not only not heinous but the action of staying away is completely understandable.