i have honestly been starting to get quite annoyed at my boyfriend (been dating for almost a year) and its really been keeping me up at night thinking about it almost every day. he’s been acting really immature the whole time. i’d say the worst part is that since i met him he’s been a pathological liar and making up completely absurd stories and making me hear about them over and over and bringing them up at really inappropriate moments (like telling my aunts the story he made up about being a heroin addict at 15 about literally 10 minutes after i introduced him to them and going in full detail about the time he supposedly went to jail shortly after. it made me really uncomfortable and thank god my aunts are pretty open minded because if he said that to any other family member of mine they wouldn’t even let me get near him again). at this point i can’t trust on him about anything as i have no way of knowing if what he’s saying when we’re talking is in any way true. what makes me the most uncomfortable is that he has beef with everyone in our town (and even outside of it) and he always says they’re the ones who wronged him and he always makes himself the victim which is really fucking suspicious. the same goes for his ex which he for some reason won’t shut the fuck up about. it really makes me insecure that for the longest part of our relationship he’s been looking at suggestive (to put it nicely) pics of other women on instagram and has been watching porn and not even bothering clearing his search history, so he would always be on his phone (because yes, he’s on that fucking phone ALL the time like some damn kid playing videos on full volume and laughing and talking to himself when he’s on it while i’m just sitting and watching him even if every time we are together i have to tell him how disrespectful and annoying it is) and everyone would see it. where i’m going with all this is that i know he probably wouldn’t be getting involved with other women but i obviously can’t help but feel insecure about it and wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if he was. i’ve also been starting to feel like he doesn’t even listen to me when i talk to him, like if i tell him clearly that i have things to do the next day, a while after it he will text me telling me to go to his house (not even asking if i can, almost demanding it). and this is really minor but he also has a really juvenile obsession with his favorite bands and it seems to be the only thing he talks about. it’s great that we share most of our music taste but it can really get annoying having to hear him talking all the time about people that don’t even know he exists and it’s kind of embarrassing that every time we’re with friends or family he keeps bringing them up and mentioning how punk he is every five minutes like some kid on his early teens, even to the point where i had to stop listening to bands i really liked because it just got so tiring hearing him talk about them and play them all the time. if i tell him politely that something he has said or done annoyed me or even hurt me he just shuts down and acts like if he was the victim, even trying to manipulate me by acting like he’s crying, so i have no idea how to confront him about all the things he does. i’m not even sure if the things that make me mad or sad about him are that important or if it’s just me o erthinking everything. i really don’t want to leave him because even after all this i’m for some reason insanely attracted to him and we both love eachother a lot at the end of the day. we also have a band which is a pretty big project for both of us and it would be a shame if we had to break it up because of our relationship, we avoid fights because of it. it’s also not that i have a fear of loneliness as i have been quite lonely for my whole life and have grown to like solitude but besides him i don’t really have friends and my relationship with my family is not very good, so i think i might be just subconsciously be holding onto him cause he’s really almost all that i have, which is… yeah not very healthy. does anyone have a piece of advice on how to deal with this entire situation?
2 comments
I’ll be honest, I don’t read the entire thing but your relationship sounds unhealthy and there’s lots of immaturity going on. I’d think of the best way to be independent and grow. It’s best for both of you. Cheers
Firstly I’m guessing you’re American in which case go to bed and get some sleep!
I think the biggest piece of advice I can give is people don’t change unless that want and choose to by themselves, asking people to change rarely works.
From what I’ve read I would be looking at some psychology stuff as it sounds like a detachment from reality (can be seen with some drug abusers and people who fall to far into the conspiracy stuff).
Attraction and love are different things so maybe some reflection is in order.
Hobbies- go get some hobbies, from dungeon and dragons on discord to hiking with a group, Facebook groups that do public meets are amazing for that kinda stuff or discord groups if it’s online based.
If you don’t have hobbies then go try stuff, there are a lot of things with free or very cheap alternatives.
The social aspect of this should be amazing, you’ll also have full control of how close or distant you are with each person/group.
Look at finances/equal trade/ daily happiness and use that to help you make a decision.
Finances being-do you need them to pay for bills or bills and have a little expendable money?
Equal trade- Can you kinda prove that there is an equal trade going on? E.g. he cooks you clean, you are 50/50 on who goes to whose house, you both try and get involved in each others interests.
Daily happiness- are you on average happy to be with/around them each day or are they an annoyance/a dread to be with?
Kinda easy to do those 3 and make a judgement on how things are going and where to go from there