I am about to be 36, and I haven’t even gotten to checking out what the 30’s are all about; I have ADHD and time to me is mostly a blur. Recently, let’s say over the last 6 months to a year I’ve been experiencing explosive burst of anger, and random bouts of crying. Very weird, considering my normal mood is pretty chill. I haven’t been that much of a cryer in my life, but it would happen from time to time. Sometimes I think about when my grandpa died, or I’ll think about if my daughter died or my mom or something. I think about death a lot more, knowing that in this part of my life my chance to bite the dust is not only more likely, but guaranteed. Don’t get me wrong, I think about other things, this just comes up a lot more now.
The stuff that really gets me is how I can’t get through a movie without tearing up when I see something involving a father, or a daughter, or a death, or people feeling deep emotions, or anything like that or even a commercial that has some type of sentimental music in it or something. I can cry to basically anything now when before, it didn’t really phase me as much.
But yeah, I’m almost 40 now and I feel like I haven’t even started my life yet. I really haven’t, I’m just starting to do college online right now and already have 2 kids and a family. I write music, but just started really being able to sit down and focus on making an album (even that isn’t consistent), and feel like a lot of the endeavors that I’ve really wanted to do but couldn’t do before due to lack of skill, or experience or something are now starting to happen, maybe.
I feel like I am like 20 in my head, and even at work most of my friends are a good decade younger than me because I work at a factory. I can relate to them, and can also relate to the 50 year old guys, I’m in this weird middle zone. I talk to the guys at work, and they are only 10 years or so older than my daughter.
Life is weird
5 comments
My experience has been when I find myself getting randomly upset or emotion like that it means there is something inside that needs to come out. Some sort of repressed grief or trauma or other feeling I’ve been ignoring without realizing it. The easiest way I have found to get to the bottom of it is to lean into those seemingly random moments of emotion because they often bring some clarity afterwards.
47 and don’t either. That being said I am much more comfortable today with that. I just laugh at the insanity of the world or at least try to.
There isn’t a single way to live life, as much as our parents and Hollywood and Instagram would like us to think there is. I’m the same age as you. I have fancy degrees. I do not have a creative hobby, or a wife and kids. I look at you and feel the same way. It’s so easy to look at other paths and feel inadequate.
Having someone to work through your feelings and goal-making could be beneficial.
I have got to 48 and I still haven’t worked it out. I feel like a fraud most of the time and that by some fluke I have got away with it but sometime soon it will catch up with me. I have done a lot of stuff in my work that worked out ok but there’s always that feeling in the back of my mind. I like to travel when I am on holiday or working. Traveling is what I like to do.
Back end of my 30’s and still not sure my friend. Im just trying my best, trying to put goals in front and working towards that. Find out what and who is important, and make them the goal.