This woman I’ve been texting is 42 years old and works as a teacher. She is divorced. She is talkative and funny. I told her that I like her and she said to me that she likes me and it looked honest. While we were texting, she told me several times that she likes me but it bothers her that I’m too young. I told her that if we’re both having a good time with each other, the age gap shouldn’t matter to either of us. Last night we agreed to go out on a date today. I went to sleep, and when I woke up in the morning I saw that she had left me a text and blocked me. She said, “I would never hurt anyone, that’s why I’m afraid of hurting you, I’m really afraid and I was thinking you’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you, that’s why I’m really sorry but I have to go my own path, I don’t wanna lie to you, I’m a lot older than you and I wish you the best of luck”. What do you think is she really afraid of? I don’t get it why is she afraid of hurting me? If she has honest intentions, why would she have a fear of hurting me? Also, why is the age gap not important to me but to her, it looks like it’s the most important thing. What’s so bad about having a boyfriend who’s much younger than you? I doon’t get it. To me, her concerns make no sense. Should I try contacting her through my other Facebook profile and ask her to talk openly about the concerns that she has in regard to my age? I don’t see why should she just block me without even trying to openly talk about things.
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Although she didn’t say it, I’m thinking maybe she’s also afraid that because I’m young at one point I might find a younger and more beautiful woman than she is. She doesn’t know that younger women ignore me 100%, younger women simply show no interest in me whatsoever.
36 comments
I think most of us wish we could get break-up/ending statements that are as clear as the one you got (or get break-up statements at all!!). And yet, you’re still here making this more complicated than it is. She has every right to care about something you don’t care about in determining whether or not to pursue a relationship. I’ve been through it myself. She has perspective and life experience that you don’t have that leads to your not knowing or understanding what her concerns are with an age difference, and that’s something she can’t explain to you–you have to live and learn.
Move on.
Now you’re trying to find reasons for a rejection. Its pointless.
She’s 42 not a 16 years old, she knows what she wants. Respect her choice and move on, you two barely got a date and you’re acting like a married couple who need to work things out, which sounds pretty immature to me.
My guess is she wanted to have fun but you made it weird and started talking feelings.
Most people would feel weird about dating someone almost 20 years younger than them. She got cold feet and she’s gone. Don’t go after her with alt accounts that’s a huge breach of etiquette
I am 35 and dating a 26 year old guy. Although this trendy thing going on with younger guys to pursue older women is flattering, no right person in their right mind will not think about the responsabilities of the age you are at and what it would mean for a younger person. She was noble to think about your future and although it might sting,you have to listen to what she told you and go live your life.
She probably is feeling too old to have a kid,
She is probably no longer able to have a kid
What about you?
You have to think about it logically rather than emotionally.
Basically your in your prime. She knows if she dates you for a few years, shes robbing your of your prime.
She had an std bro she spared you
Young women ignore you rn because you’re 25, that doesn’t mean they gonna ignore you at your 30 or 35.
You dodged a bullet. If she didn’t say it directly to you, she would have thought it in her head forever and it would have affected both of you in the relationship. Let her go
You sure she’s 42? Dollars to donuts, she’s in her 50s.
Like others said, it’s pointless looking for reasons.
She could have very well liked you but not been emotionally ready (you said she was divorced). Don’t sweat the small stuff. Move on.
She is a narcissist they exchange pain for pleasure as long as your willing to be her punching bag and your ok with it this can be a meaningful relationship for her but she’s probably not ready for that again until she finds someone who she can easily manipulate.
blocking you was a bit harsh, but leave her be
the honest truth is that *you* would be wasting *her* time, and if you were older you would be more conscious of that
best case, you would have been with her for a few years, then you would have moved on to someone younger, leaving her at square one again, but even older
Are you sure she is divorced? I suspect she might not be and was consumed by guilt. Sometimes the fantasy of doing something can be stronger than the desire to actually do it.
It was hubba hubba and ding ding ding. I said baby you got everything. A week later it was hubba hubba and ding ding dong. Sure didn’t last that long. Tom Waits.
But she’s really good in bed.
She’s not 42 and her husband doesn’t know they’re divorced. When you wanted to take things into “real life” it was a bit more real than she was ready for. Chances are she’s satisfied with getting her ego massaged strictly online by attention from significantly younger dudes.
Op I am sorry for the abruptness of this all for you. And that you’re dealing with this.
I 46f my brain wouldn’t allow me to date a man your age. I can see her saying this for your youth. I can see her saying this for her being hurt in, as you mentioned of perhaps seeing eventually someone your age.
I can also see her saying this as truth like she may hurt you if you never progressed into a traditional LTR. Meaning she may not ever want to meet your parents but if you were with a twenty something that would be the natural progression. She may hurt you if she never introduced you to her coworkers again for the age gap that you both may be judged for.
But may I ask you a question. If you could answer.
What is it for the younger man that is insisting on dating the older woman. What’s in it for you.
I haven’t understood in my personal life when I have encountered this.
I understand if you can’t or don’t want to answer my curiosity about this as I realize you are going through it at this moment.
No offense but in my opinion you re too young for her. I mean i m 28 and i m tended to like older man (like 5 years older , not like 15 years though ). Because i feel like men in my age is like more childish, but after 30, they re more mature. So if i was in her shoes, even if we date at the end i would feel like you re child and disinterested in you in some point.
She’s in her 40s. She’s probably expecting something more mature and permanent than you can provide her. Also she’s right, you have your whole life in front of you to “just wait and see” while she doesn’t want either of you to waste your time. Just move on.
In addition to what all already said, she did good thing for you. In 5 years you will be at your 30s, it’s close to top of career, you’ll get your first senior positions or will become mgmt, you’ll have job offers move around country, you’ll have enough money to have kids, you’ll still have good health.
I don’t want to say 50 is disaster, but she will be in complete different level and with other interests. The first health problems will start, she will think more about retirement while you can still have time to risk with your career and living place, low chances for newborn baby, etc.
She’s afraid of getting hurt or either of you wasting time.
I think the fact you’re here posting about this instead of just accepting it and moving on is a sign of your immaturity and how incompatible the two of you would be, and why she was right to do what she did. This wasn’t a misunderstanding or miscommunication. She has very clearly laid her boundaries and acted upon them. The only mature thing for you to do here is accept her decision and move on.
It fucks with your brain when you get randomly blocked and ghosted and you’re gonna feel desperate for answers but trust me you will never get closure with someone like that.
Tell me about her…
> If she has honest intentions
Her intentions are not your intentions. She’s sees that. She sees you dont see that. You eventually seeing that after investing time into her would hurt you.
She said exactly what she means, she is significantly older than you and doesn’t want to hurt you. You may not understand it now, but she did the right thing.
So… as a woman (41) who is often pursued by younger men (in their 20s), my point of view is this… she might be genuinely interested but because of the age difference she doesn’t see a long term serious relationship with you possible because
a) you are young and no matter what you say now, one day you may want a family and she’s too old to provide that for you
b) she foresees that there would be issues with your family not accepting her or your relationship
c) maybe she has kids close to you in age and that’s just… a weird thing to think about
My advice would be to let it go…
She probably is aware that she’s still pretty messed up from her last relationship.
She gave you a reason: she’s afraid she’s going to hurt you. I think it’s fair to take that at face value sometimes. At her age she’s had more experiences than you that shape her expectant one of relationships, and that surely includes both good and bad experiences. It’ll be hard to tell how that shaped her choice since you don’t know her life story, but at least she gave you a solid reason. Just know that the reason not being satisfying (and ofc it won’t be) doesn’t mean that it is a bad or faulty reason even if it feels like one.
She’s not well, and she knows it. She just can’t communicate that directly. Honestly man, thank Oden that she decided that “IF” you were without blemish, she doesn’t want to be the one to injure you. She doesn’t know yet that she’s not really that unique unfortunately.
She is doing you a favor. Move on. Why are you going after a woman a few years younger than your mom? You should focus on women 22 to 32 and that’s it.
You are getting very near the age when people start to get into serious relationships and getting married.
Maybe not from your side of the equation, but from women’s side of the equation that is the general “view”.
She is afraid that she will delay you from meeting a woman your age and having kids, etc. She is aware that for men there is a “cost” of dating. She is also afraid that society/her friends will judge her.
This person engaged in casual phone flirtation, agreed to meet up in person, then changed their mind and articulated it clearly, giving a clean break. None of the other details matter.
The proper etiquette is to respect the other person’s wishes and let it go. As others have said, move on.
She had an epiphany that you were looking for more than just some good old fashion carnal entertainment and she didn’t want the potential headache of having to explain to her husband why there is a 20 something puppy following her around.
In most age gap breakups, it’s the older partner who gets left, so it could be partly self-preservation on her part. Could be that she did the math; when you’re 45 and in the prime of your life, she’ll be 62 and looking at retirement. Might also be the (unfair) assumption that older women with younger men are gross and predatory, and any man who would be with a woman much older than he is has mommy issues.
She probably has a whole host of reasons why she changed her mind about the date.