I’m currently laying down on my (20f) bf’s (21m) family home couch typing this on a phone. Beside me is him, his sister and mother – sleeping on the ground. I’ll try to make this as short as possible haha.
For context, my bf and I are 3rd year college students and have been living together since last year – dating since high school (4 years).
Earlier this week, his family (mom, brother, and sister) had planned to meet us to celebrate his bday. They offered to let the two us stay overnight in their home – which meant the 4 of us (mom, sister, me and bf) squeezing together on their small living room (brother has his own room).
We have done this before, once – and I didn’t really like it. I don’t like spending the night in anyone’s house or even hotels, period – it makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable, and I don’t sleep very well either. I wake up about every hour and struggle to go back to bed. Which is why I choose to sleep at my designated home if I can, and he knows this.
He immediately accepted their offer and I didn’t really have the heart at the time to say no, but I didn’t say yes either. After a day, his mom said that it was okay if we didn’t spend the night, and my bf said “oh, okay” and settled on not spending the night. This made me extremely happy and we agreed that we would go home and not spend the night.
A few days later, while having a convo with my mom, I mentioned that we would not be spending the night after all at bfs family home. Bf immediately interjected and said “well, we’re not really sure” – I gave him a pointed albeit confused look at the comment and he didn’t say anything.
I told him later on that if he wanted to spend the night, we should bring clothes or at least prepare since I had stuff that I needed to bring (my bc pills, much needed skincare stuff and etc). HOWEVER, I said this before I learned that I had to work ALL DAY after his bday. It would be best if I worked on his bday, in terms of my schedule and deadline BUT of course, I would never do that and bf comes first and I can work it out anyways. He knows I have to work and he knows the deadline is very soon.
So, today came, we didn’t bring any stuff with us, he didn’t tell his mom we would be staying overnight. Our last convo about it was me saying that if he wanted to stay, he should tell me so we can bring our stuff. Lo and behold, night fell and his mom asked “are you staying?” And he answers happily “yes!”
I was surprised and didn’t have the guts to say no, I have been trying to be liked by his mom for ages after she hated me during hs lol. We now have a great relationship and I DID NOT WANT TO RUIN IT.
I got upset at him but kept it all good with his family. He asks if I’m okay, I tell him no I’m not. I have no clothes, I don’t have my fucking pills, or my stupid cleanser and yes I’m just very very upset.
He tells me it’s okay, they’ll lend me clothes, they have skincare stuff and I can miss the pill – we just won’t have sex for 7 days according to my pills’ instruction and it’s okay, we haven’t had sex in a month anyways lol. Even after I kept initiating after he complained that “I didn’t seem into it sometimes” – but that’s a whole other world and not the point of this post.
Now it’s almost 4 am, after he tried coaxing me by watching anime with me, he’s now asleep and I’m still wide awake. I woke up at 7:30 am the day before and have to work in a couple of hours. Fuck me, I’m so mad.
He’s done and said other things that greatly concerned me without my permission before this too. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t respect me anymore or he isn’t interested in me anymore. Maybe it’s time to move on I don’t know. I just want to be home with my dog rn (someone’s looking after her no worries).
These 4 years have not been flawless of course but I do love him and I think he’s been great otherwise. I just feel like recently, much more than before – he doesn’t care about my input and doesn’t listen to me (sometimes I think he finds me annoying). We’ve had issues before but they weren’t this bad. I’ve talked to him about this, time and time again but I’m growing tired.
Should I try talking it out with him or just leave? I’m very conflicted.
TL DR: Bf made us stay in his family’s house after agreeing we wouldn’t because I have to work the next day and made me miss my bc pill, he’s done this before and I feel disrespected and worthless to him. I think I should break up with him.
4 comments
Break up with him.
>he doesn’t care about my input and doesn’t listen to me
>we haven’t had sex in a month
Nothing about your relationship seems “great”. He seems very inconsiderate towards you. I cannot believe everyone sleeps on the living room floor and his brother gets his own room.
yikes i would be so mad. it sounds like you made your needs clear to him and he just ignored that to do what he wanted without even checking in with you first. sit him down and have a serious talk about why that’s not okay and if he doesn’t get it then leave for sure as it will only continue on in the same way otherwise.
edited to fix typos
He is not listening to your boundaries.
You also aren’t enforcing them. He knows you will be compliant and go with the flow.
And never, ever, go without your medications. Please take better care of yourself.
It sounds like there’s not much communication from either of you regarding this situation. You should have a private conversation before going over to his parents’ house about whether or not you were staying the night. That would have prevented this entire issue.
Since that didn’t happen, he does suck here for unilaterally agreeing to staying over. However, you are also an adult and can say no. You could have just said “actually I have to work tomorrow and didn’t bring my medication. I need to go home.”
If your bf has some kind of sleepover tradition with his family, there’s no reason he couldn’t have dropped you at home and slept over himself if it was that important to him.