TLDR: All of a sudden I realized I’ve aged horribly in the last few years. I’m still in shock mentally and don’t know what to do. Help.
M35, Chinese decent. People always complemented me how I look younger than I actually am and I felt the same so I had never worried about aging much. I thought my looks haven’t changed much since late 20s. However, just the other day I discovered how I really look in photos (a friend of mine was taking candid photos of everyone with pro DSLR and lens at a get-together) and I was IN HORROR. Dear god, I couldn’t believe how much I’ve aged.
Of course I look myself in the mirror everyday/night and have looked myself in photos taken by phones over the years. But smartphone cameras have inbuilt filters and you usually look a lot better than you really are in real life. So I’d been feeling comfortable with how I THOUGHT I’ve been aging by looking at myself in Instagram photos my friends uploaded. But now it’s like I got slapped by the reality.
Until last week, I thought I could pass myself as a guy in late 20s but now I know I actually look someone in 40s, with my terrible looking skin and clearly visible wrinkles… As I hit 30, I got into trailrunning and surfing so I’m thinking that has contributed to the rapid aging.
I’m still having hard time trying to come to terms with this mentally. I always felt confident about my looks but now I honestly cannot believe how anyone finds me attractive at all. I’m Asian and people always described my facial features as a typical boy band look (androgenous and whatnot) and I feel my type of facial features cannot really cope with aging well. Imagine a badly aged Kpop or Jpop idol with dodgy hairline – that’s basically me.
Any advice? Does getting into rigorous skincare routines and supplements help much? (I’ve done none in my life) I’m pretty athletic and my diet is good already. How do you guys cope with aging, both mentally and physically?
7 comments
You know how most people recoil in horror when they hear their own voices on voicemail outgoing messages? The same thing can be true when looking at photos.
Other people will look at a photo of you see a whole person, but you already know what you look like more than anyone, so all you can see is the flaws, changes, and things you don’t like about yourself.
And smartphone cameras by themselves do NOT make you look better. Have you considered that your friend may have taken a few bad pics this one time?
Sunscreen and retinol help a lot. They aren’t going to turn back time, but they certainly slow the signs of aging.
Smartphones don’t have built in filters, they have the ability to edit and touch up photos after, but it’s minimal. There are also apps you can download, but people mostly use those for selfies or TikTok shorts of themselves.
I was at an office party last week and looked pretty manky in the photos, it was mostly bad lighting, but I was a bit taken aback by how much heavier I looked (am?), especially in the face.
I’m not 20 anymore though, so that’s what happens. I was also seen as much younger than I was for years, but that doesn’t last forever. At least I’m not spoken to like im a child anymore – I don’t know if that’s true for baby faced men, but it was for me.
If you are outside a lot, sunscreen on your face every day is probably the easiest thing you can do. If you’re sweating or surfing, get a water resistant brand and reapply every 2 hours.
I may have a softer face these days, but I have minimal wrinkles/fine lines because I am fanatic about sunscreen and sun exposure.
It’s all about your worldview. I expected to get older. One day I saw myself in a picture and thought “damn I’m looking old” but then moved on. I don’t care, it happens to everyone.
I think much of it is just genetic and what you do to yourself. You sound like you are in good shape and eat well so if you do that is a good start as much of middle age is actual self inflicted with poor diet, no exercises, excess weight etc. 35 is a tough age because you are stuck in the middle between youth and being older. 35 to 43 or so were tough for me until I made a bunch of changes. Those included understanding I wasn’t a kid anymore and I had to look at life, fitness etc differently. Now this is about longevity and not competing with others. When you stop worrying about that it makes things so much easier. So another grey hair isn’t that big of a deal. I can tell you that people are much more impressed with a guy who is older, and still physically fit, then the few wrinkles you have especially if you are the same age as them. This will be more true the older you get. But it is not caring what they think that is best of all at my age.
Trail running and surfing make me feel like a kid again. But I’m so much better at them as I age. Physically they’re harder, but mentally I’m always getting better. Something to think on, maybe. Sports like that can be lifelong. Just wear sunscreen!
I’m Asian too but to be honest I’m kind of glad for my white hairs and starting to look older. I could pass as mid 20s until a few years ago. 37 now, and I don’t have women in their early 20s thinking I’m around their age anymore so that has been a nice change. Physically I don’t feel as good as I used to, so that kind of sucks. Injuries take longer to heal etc. I had a glass of wine last night and I’ve never felt so uncomfortable afterwards. Just another thing I won’t do again I guess. I don’t have any solutions, we all go through it. All I’ll say is that looking older doesn’t necessarily mean worse. As long as you’re physically fit and take care of your diet, then you’re going to look good for your age no matter what. If your hairline is going to shit, maybe just getting a crewcut might be best.